成人礼

二十五岁，两次丧礼，两次转职，毕业后的一年半，像是在过成人礼。不知死，焉知生？人生漫漫，路有千百条，叠在不同的脚印上，要怎么走？

有幸看到灵堂前的猫哭老鼠，真长见识。死后一切尘归尘，土归土，究竟什么重要，什么次要，
什么虚幻，什么实在？我已不再幻想寻找真理的鸦片管，也不渴望最后的救赎。

做好自己，扶助他人，心宽性灵，问心少愧，管它天堂地狱，一切重在今世。

悼

接到噩耗，火速回家。其实这事早已在大家的预料之中，只是当那刻到来时，仍会带来冲击。当电话另一端传来母亲少有的哭泣声，我的心情变得好沉重。

于是隔了数个月，我坐了第一次的飞萤机飞回家，回去见他的最后一面，回去给已渐老迈的母亲精神上的安慰。父亲说隔了一层之痛至少相差一半，而我这个隔了一层又隔了一代的，又相差多少呢？我不知道，但我尽量去找寻记忆，尽管不多。

除了每年例常的红包，他给过我不少张邮票，但我忘了是谁在我年轻喜欢收集邮票时和他说我有这个嗜好，是母亲吗？还是父亲？琳琅满目的各国邮票，当时让我如获珍宝；只是我已经很久没回去我的房间了，很久没掀开堆放在那里的邮票簿。现在翻阅，或许我已不记得哪一张是他送的，哪一张不是。

尽管相处的机会不多，但我大约能联想到他怎样走过。他年轻时挖过矿，毕竟前一代的人都是刻苦耐劳做日晒雨淋的工作来养家，不是挖锡米洗琉琅，就是伐木开桥造路。母亲在嫁出门前，没和他说过几句话，是因为他那时的脾气很暴躁？还是因为那时候的思想，还是封建的男尊女卑？

但当我偶尔和他一起上升旗山时，那时候接近九十高龄的他已是很慈祥。走到一半，他突然走去路旁伸手摘下不知名的叶子，折成一半拿去嘴边舔了舔，然后和我说以前的人生病就会来摘草药，只要叶汁不涩，就不会有毒。他摘了另一片递给我，我迟疑了一会才接过来折了舔一舔，的确没有苦味。自然我没有问为什么他知道这种叶子没有毒。

于是我开始听他慢慢谈起他年轻时的爬山经历，明白了为什么老虎是山中之王，因为它只要低声一吼，就能传遍全山震慑人心。听着听着，我仿佛看到了他过去活跃的青春。一大班朋友，定时定期攀山越岭，从这个山头跑到那个山头，从那个山头跑去另一个山头，一路上挥汗如雨天南地北，那是多么恣意的年华。他的眼神，自然地流露出自信自豪和一丝丝的怀念……那一段日子，或许是他人生里最享受的岁月吧。

无奈岁月催人老，时间总有无情停止的一天。他当初的朋友们，有多少早已先去，至仅剩聊聊数人来致悼。坐夜时，看到一个年龄相近的老婆婆独自默默地来，独自默默地走。看着缓缓远去的那头白发，我在内心揣测，那时候的她，心情会有多复杂呢？原来，这才叫凄凉。先走的，少了享受的岁月；后走的，多了无尽的唏嘘。

千古不变，唯生老病死。吵吵闹闹坠下来，安安静静沉下去。当死亡带走生气，四周都变得肃静，是为默哀。

安息吧，阿公。

HP Procurement Engineer - I

Good bye Alexandra, and here ends my 11-month stay in ATP-B. It has not been even a year , but I believe I have learnt and gained much experience and insights about work, than some others that may need more than a year to achieve.

It is not my abilities, but rather special situations that have made me grow from near drowning. Just merely after the first lunch in the company with friends (instead of with boss), I was told that tomorrow, which was only my second day of work, I had to go to a place in Johor.

"Supplier's factory."

"How do I go?"

"Look for Nigel, he knows how to travel there." (Who's Nigel?)

"Can I have his number?"

"Hi, Nigel, this is..., ..., and ... so where should I wait for you?"

"HPAM, 452, in front of the shuttle bus waiting area." (What's HPAM? Where's shuttle bus area)

So I was given an unknown task, to meet up with an unknown person and to go into an unknown area. And I did not have too many minutes to hesitate for calling the "unknown person", asking for more details, nor did I have too much time to wander around because the first place to know was not my office but the HPAM area. Luckily I still had Luke to show me around.

Hence on second day I sat on the car together with Nigel and went into CJH. Celestica Johor. Every steps in the factory, everything that I saw, every person that I met, were new and unfamiliar.

"So, do you have any questions? If you have questions you can just ask, I will try my best to tell you all."

"Not at this moment, you just tell me whatever you can recall."

Keeping my head down, I was just too busy jotting down every names, processes, stations, abbreviations, states, situations, problems, solutions, or basically every words, be it related or not because I wouldn't know.

My worries started to creep in. Two more weeks and I had to take over the plant transfer and manage it. How would it turn out? Would I be fine? I had no idea. Without any technical background and prior working relationship with the supplier, I could only pray that these two weeks to move slowly.

It wasn't really a tough period as I could still tag along Nigel and learn as much and quick as I can. But I know I have to walk every quick steps very carefully in order not to slip. I had only one day to go back to company on the second week, to get everything (badge, email, digital key and remote access) done, so that I could work in supplier's factory.

Luckily suppliers are nice peoples. Maybe because I am their customer, or maybe because I am a Malaysian. Though working hour was long and tiring, I could still handle it. I worked for 11 days continuously since the first day. I spotted the Mod0 capacity issue as a gating for mass production run and raised it before it became critical. You may wonder why it was me as a new arrive to have spotted this, that's because you have no idea how messy and chaotic the whole factory was, where every working men had been stretched to the fullest, chased and expediated for different objectives.

And then came the storm during the X'mas shutdown period. PCB quality issue had caused two high yield losses and line downs, created the lime light from the world and attracted boss's boss to travel down. Worked until 5am once. Dealt with two bosses directly. Daily update. Maybe it's normal for a seasoned colleague, but for a fresh graduate like me, I just felt it's quite stressful sometimes, especially at the moment of receiving sms-es from bosses in the morning. Nevertheless I did rise to the occasion, done what I should have done, and learnt quite a few important things in this work.

It was especially delightful to receive a compliment from a US folk whom I had forgot his name, that "I think you have done pretty well. If I were you, coming out fresh from the oven, I would have stumbled and crumbled." Even if he was just being kind, I have been strongly encouraged. Because I never like the idea of using "freshness" as an excuse to avoid responsiblity or accountability. People may excuse my mistakes due to my inexperience and rawness but it is just not something that I should rely on.

I have no complaints of what I had to go through, nor did I complain to others about my manager for putting me into such situation. I rationalize things and only grumble if things could have been done in a better way. In this case, I don't see any other option. If it wasn't for this, perhaps in the first case I would not have been hired, wasn't it? In fact, later when I finally befriended most of my colleagues, I even played down their tones against my manager in gossiping talks, because their opinions were off the mark though were out of good heart, as they did not have the whole picture in mind.

Of course I did sigh and moan sometimes, but that's more to relieve my emotions.

And hence the first month of super steep learning had finally passed. My hardest earnt monthly salary so far.

<书籍>山寨风暴

在短时间内翻阅了“苹果奇迹”和这本“山寨风暴”，接触到一点现代企业的发迹发展、物资流动、行销网络、产业链和其他方面的知识，但还要花一段长时间才能粗略掌握全貌。

尽管我还没读懂整本书，但其中一段灼见让我如拾珍宝深思良久，特于此分享。

“跨国企业的CEO在2008年之前的薪酬高得吓人。根据统计，美国2007年百大企业CEO的年均收入是1440万美元。他们过去为赢得自己的高薪常玩的游戏是，不管内外环境如何变化，一味设立每年的盈利成长目标，好为自己追求高额分红利益。

而为达成这个不利企业长期发展的目标，他们的作法有两大招术：一是在其国内的工厂如果达不到利润要求的水准就关厂，将单子移到国外厂去生产；二是逼迫国外委托代工厂压低利润，很少想到改善自己的营业能力与考量合作厂商的合理利益。当然，这些跨国企业CEO的超高薪酬一定是由消费者买单。”

如此简单易明的潜规则，也难怪他们乐此不疲。如是的伎俩，叫管理吗？如是的浅见，是领导吗？当“成长大于一切”已经在被反思时，CEO一味以“盈利成长”的单方向号召前进，不惜牺牲企业长期的利益，竭泽求鱼只为中饱私囊，杀鸡取卵只为一己私红，合什么理？

过去十年间，高层经理人的综合薪酬涨幅惊人，而员工的薪酬涨幅还不如通膨率。而在这十年间，企业的成长率是否同样高，足以合理化他们的涨幅？这些涨幅，恐怕不是由书籍里所说的，由消费者买单，而是由辛辛苦苦为企业拼搏的基层职员买单。

在这样的大环境下，还要人把工作当梦想，实在是太乌托邦了。一将功成万骨枯也罢，最无语的是，那将领或许不过平庸之辈，却还能功成。不思长进却还能左右逢源，让我老实不服气。

这种“发展”模式，维持不了多久。我潜心等待泡沫破灭的那刻。

<书籍> 狮城往事

前几个星期借了这本书，一天看几页，最近终于看完。作者的文笔普通，但笔下的故事却格外珍贵，故事背景的年代相隔大半个世纪，当年往事对我来说非常陌生，一如时下发展对前人来说匪夷所思一样。

从细致地描述日常生活的衣、食、住、行，到回忆二战前后困苦搏斗的岁月，笔者带读者“进入一段陌生却属于我们的岁月，走入一个模糊却属于狮城的空间”。

其实，这些往事虽然发生在狮城，却不是仅仅属于狮城人的记忆，而是马新共同的记忆。无论在英治时期还是在昭南时代，马新都是作为一个整体被看待的，在同一片天空呼吸，在同样的气息下生活，用同样的步伐前进，被系在同样的命运之轮。当然，这些不过是题外话。

尽管这些事看似与我毫无相关，但我却认为，对历史长河仅有断裂的认识，多少会扭曲对当下生活的体验和局势发展的判断。而近代，相较于古代，更贴近地影响着时下，也更重要，却往往仍未盖棺定论而迷糊不清，所以这也是为何我说：这些往事是格外珍贵的。

Two paths

Two paths:

Path A: Lazy to get things done - piling - accumulating - rolling - procrastinating - learn how to avoid - learn how to delegate - learn how to leverage - learn how to bull shit - learn how to smoke -----> Eventually things need to be done are still there. Nothing has been moved, nothing has been solved, nothing has been done. When the bomb explodes either the person dies or his successor dies.

Path B: Want to get things done - trying - pushing - driving - analyzing - moving but slowly - learn how to absorb - learn how to communicate - learn how to collaborate - learn how to co-operate ------> Eventually things get better slowly. Something has been cleared, something has been cleaned, something has been done, but not everything becomes perfect and problems still exist. This makes the room for improvement, building on predecessor's efforts to make things better and better.

In either path, we can never work alone. Those who choose path A and "work" alone, will soon be fired; and those who choose path B and work alone, will soon become tired.

And hence, first thing first, there is a need to ensure no room for players to choose path A and create the abusing downward spiral. Because, when too many people walk path A with too less people doing the real job, the bomb just grows bigger and bigger. When it explodes, all will die.

The irony of guardian

Somehow I feel that those who at least get the basic works done in job, tend to have a deeper hunger to free themselves from the routine chain and seek for something higher. One that defends the castle the most is one that wishes to leave the castle the most. How ironical is that? Maybe I am biased but I have seen quite of number of them.

To a certain extent this looks contradicting. If you don't like what you are doing, why are you still safeguarding the responsibilities? You can learn various skills like "tai-chi" to survive in the workplace.

But in fact, it only becomes truly contradicting if one seeks to free himself for something higher, and yet use dirty tricks (tricks are not necessary dirty) to achieve so. Means and ends must go in one direction.

Of course the "something higher" means values and principles.

午后陽光

空無一人的校園
籬線上低垂的淺紫
迎著斜照的金黃
放工的午后
天空特別晴朗
路邊三兩行人散步
綠叢幾朵黃花微笑
小鳥飛滑去天邊
仍趕不上回收的光線
大地就這樣開始入夜

偶遇最燦爛的時光 難留片刻
等待最燦爛的日子 不爭朝夕
運有旺滯 氣有盛衰 急緩有數 才是真速度

命水

幸福的家庭都相似，不幸的家庭各不同。
善良的脸孔都相似，不善的面具各不同。
温馨的时刻都相似，不良的祸事各不同。

感触良多，只好借用和补充托尔斯泰的句子。

我现在是很幸福的，不过却不是所有人的起跑点能和我一样。当然也有起跑点比我好的人，不过有几个是只顾自己跑的？

水往下流，我看人最好还是别太轻易知足了，知足可是需要福气的。

The worry of wisdom

Sometimes I wonder if gaining wisdom harms, where too much of ugly truths are just unbearable when the mind is weary. And yet, it is dangerous if ignorance causes wrong negligence at the wrong time. Though chances are low, the cost to pay is deadly when it happens.

Between incessant little bites and immediate killing blow, which one is less suffering?