My current life

Yeah, two is down, one more.

If you don't understand what I'm saying, let me explain it. Now I am working as shift trainee in the fab, which means I work 12 hours per day, 4 or 3 days per week alternatively. This week is short week so I need to work 3 days and got 4 days holiday. Yippee....but not until tomorrow night.

Working in fab is kind of busy, busy adapting, busy learning and busy building up good foundation. To have many colleagues with experience is good for learning and yet that means the mountain of expectation is higher to climb.

Frankly speaking, maybe it's not up to your expectation, I am still struggling with my work, especially fighting vigorously against the ZZ monster. It's just too hard to stay awake and focus for 12 hours without dozing off. I think I already earn my reputation for being dozy-fishy. Yalar, I can sleep earlier la...but sometimes come back late, sometimes need to cook for tomorrow, sometimes come back feel like talking to friend instead of just go to bed, so most of the times I only get 5 to 6 hours to sleep. I have to find another smart way to keep me awake in the fab, that thing definitely will not be coffee though.

I starts to feel that working life is real life because there are too many decisions to make, too many things to learn, too many aspects to be balanced and too many relationships to be taken care of. As a comparison, student's life, although is simple and nice, is just too phantom.

Rest, is meaningless without work.

Indicents + Accidents

Recently I received series of warnings.

On Sunday's outing to Strawberry reservoir, after passing the dirt road, our car's front right tyre gone flat.

On yesterday's visit to hospital, while I was driving on the freeway, all out of sudden a flying rock caused a little crack in the front windshield.

Then on the way back to hospital after dinner at night, I bent into a wrong lane, cut back into the right one wrongly without observing, and got a loud horn from car behind shamefully.

And it wasn't enough. I lost my way coming out of hospital and wandered around unfamiliar routes in SLC. I was finding my way out and turned into a two way road with one lane each way. It was so dark with few street lamps and no cars that I could hardly recognize the road conditions. Finally a bus passed on my left. I was on the right way.

And then two strong light circles emerged in front, not far away. Gosh! Within split second I pull my car over to the right and braked heavily. Just touching the front bush, mere escape. If what's on my right was a concrete divider then I would have been divided, without the chance even to wave goodbye.

I am glad that I am still here. I bought a heavy lesson without paying. How lucky!

复杂

骨子里我是个夜猫子，尽管我未必享受。寂静的黑夜里弥漫淡忧的气息，我在静谧谧的氛围中逐个捕捉慢条斯理的音符，伴随着一丝丝剪不断的冥想，游魂进自己忧愁的世界。

心事我其实有很多，但我都把它藏在异度空间，连白天的我也没法进去。只有在独自一个人的深夜，神秘的空间才自动显现，让我身上的不快乐因子活跃。悲愁，或许是重重面具下最内的几层之一；而怪异，是另外一层。我不去找人倾诉，却又在这抽象描述，不想让人知道又想让人知道，不是很奇怪么？正怪人，正怪门。门，是给有钥匙的人开的。

有些东西我怎么也看不懂，尤其是别人的行为和想法。世界，真的太复杂了，复杂在不可复制的性格。I didn't know that I could be so disturbed and felt beaten for inability to understand people's action that totally escape my understanding of the person. 怎么可以这样，怎么可以那样，怎么……

有些东西我怎么也学不来，因为这些必须从错中学习，而偏偏错在这些往往是致命的。Perhaps I will never get a chance to learn...

but I shall be fine. I hope.

倾斜

这几个星期连续出外，不是玩就是病，没空好好静下来。直至前晚舒舒服服地睡了一晚到早上十点多，有心情打电话回家，以为大马时间是八点多，不料等到彼端铃声响了很久，听到沙哑的声音后，才惊觉玩得连时差都算错了，那时正是午夜沉睡的零时十分。顿时晴天霹雳。

以为把生活平衡得很好，其实错漏百出，是很深的挫折；自以为是的优点，其实不外如是，是很大的失败。

来美一个月了，看到的学到的很多，逐渐适应了下来慢慢开始自我感觉良好，正好来个当头棒喝。坦白说，我没做好的事比我做好的事更多，凭什么感觉良好呢？真是……

二十四岁的起跑道
具体的路面风向
不由掌控
只剩飘渺的方向

是否我太执着于平衡
才会轻重不分
虚假的面面俱圆
没一个稳定的点

没有倾斜的人生
是否一定没有光彩
微烁的幸福
难道只在黑夜可贵

若生活是幅美画
就算我活得再出彩
也只是纯熟的工匠
而非飘逸的大师