记忆的香甜

昨晚晚餐，大家聊起大学生活里的点点滴滴，时间仿佛故意放缓脚步，让经历慢慢回放，从一个情节跳到另一个情景，好让大家聊得尽兴。有时候朋友就是这样，尽管性格未必完全让你喜欢，偶尔也难免会有摩擦，但谈起共同经历的往事，总会倍感温馨和亲切。因为那份缘分，是那么地珍贵，是彼此的生命线、时间线在某处地平线不约而同的相遇交集。一个人能给你的最珍贵礼物，不是别的，而是他的时间。

只是这种温馨的香甜，少不了时间的调味；当时间让你品尝到这种味道时，也从你身上带走了某些东西。人生匆匆，莫叹时光易逝，再叹时光已逝；世事无常，你熟悉的笑容可能下一刻不复存在，你熟悉的声音可能下一秒再听不到，爱恨情仇，又何必过于计较呢？只要一同走过，就是最大的缘分；一起走过的日子，就是最美的记忆……

我只想感激所有曾经共同走过的朋友，你呢？

<歌词> My Way

我现在的主题曲……歌唱其实是心灵的最佳守护使

一直在酝酿一直在盼望
爸爸和妈妈唯一的理想
二月第一天一九八一年
我第一次对他们眨了眨眼
等待快点过去多少个明天
希望这个宝贝快快长大一点一点
身体要健康所有的事情都如所愿
baby长大以后就是小轩

i will find my way
i want a different way
afer the wind and rain
there'll be a brand new day
小时候受伤有人心疼失落有人安慰
现在遇到困难自己就要学会面对

i will find my way
i want a different way
nothing will stop me now
no matter what they say
困难要用我的坚强和努力勇敢面对
现在用心去追感觉就对
i'll find my way

一直就这样找我的方向
不理会别人奇怪的眼光
直到有一天我忽然发现
梦想已经在实现
等待快点过去多少个明天
看着自己已经快快长大一点一点
我的生活应该让我自己学会掌握
相信自己不怕风雨再多 

Learning

If you have to choose a person to learn from between a billionaire and a millionaire, who will you choose? Can you really choose? You can't. This question is invalid. The billionaire could have inherited a trillion from his father and the millionaire could be self-made all the way. The current status or position of a person tells nothing about whether he or she is a star or a flop. Furthermore, in reality it's hard to know a person's background.

The point I want to bring out is that, it is not true that you can always learn something from someone who is at a superior position than where you are at, because the superiority may not be justified. How often do we just bow to superiority without observation and reasoning? The hunger for success blinds our eyes and binds us to quick emulation. Imitation does not always work as time changes, circumstances varies and sometimes luck plays its part.

Of course the chances of learning something from someone with higher position than from someone with lower position are greater, but then again, sometimes we are simply just fascinated by their positions. If you really want to learn something, learn with your heart and stay unfazed by any other exterior forms: superiority, experience, age, "proven success" and bla bla bla.

Use your eyes. Grow your wisdom.

寻梦 | Finding my dream

我决定不再随遇而安，尽管这已是我最擅长的；我决定放弃风平浪静，尽管这曾是我最向往的……因为梦想不从随遇而安中爆出，也不在风平浪静中诞生。寻找梦想，原来是人生里最迫切的问题，而我却在立冠五年后才醒悟。

突然间内心有一把声音：“没有梦想，就去找啊，为什么懦在原地，任岁月蹉跎，难道期盼梦想从天而降？金都不可能掉了，更何况是梦想？”以前信服的各种妥协的借口，瞬间变得像纸灰般渺小。

有些人早就找到自己的梦想并不断朝它前进，有些人不清楚自己的梦想而逐渐满足于生活的各种享受，而我是介于中间的寻梦者。二十五岁才开始，尽管比早已有梦想的同辈迟了好久，但总比浪费余生的光阴好，如果现在再不找寻，恐怕我会逐渐迷失。向梦想的天空飞翔需要无比的勇气，如果始终怯于坠落的风险，就会逐渐适应于地上的拥挤，被各种枷锁锁着，就算有再美丽的翅膀，也不可能再飞翔。

虽然不能回到过去提早找寻，但过去的各种经验无形中帮我突破了无数障碍，克服了不少懦弱，现在的我在生活各个方面已经没有任何重大的恐惧，只要我找到我想到的，我就可以全心去追求了。闯出去，就算失败了，也会甘于平凡；没闯过，什么也不是。

当我开始去收集数据，去了解为什么有些人有梦想，为什么有些人没有……我才逐渐发现，原来像我这样走到这一步仍然没有梦想的人，他们当初选择的想法，和我是那么地相似。而有梦想的人，尽管想法可以天差地远，当初都是用过好一段时间来寻找。所以只要肯认真地去找寻，总会找到的。都说“人因梦想而伟大”，寻找梦想自然而然就是人生最迫切的问题。

我现在没有，所以问题很严重。既然问题很严重，就应该尽早去解决。我已经决定了要走出平常路走进“歧途”，而很欣慰的是，我得到了所有家庭成员和好朋友的支持。起飞的日子，正在倒数。

I have decided to walk out of the ordinary safe path and go on exploration, for my dream. I realize that I cannot keep telling myself that I will meet my dream without seriously and actively seeking for it. And upon realization, all my previous reasons of holding myself back vanished within seconds. Dream will not come to me if I do not seek for it. The chance of dream coming by itself is as rare as hitting the lottery jackpot of one billion.

Some have found their dreams since young and are paving path towards them, while some have not found their dreams and end up being contended with what is given by life. I do not belong to the former group and I fear to join the latter group. To start finding dream at at the age of "quarter life" perhaps is a real crisis as compared to those that have found theirs, but not doing so could turn it to become "full life crisis", where I would spend the rest of my life without much meanings, or worse, without comprehending the meaning of life.

Though it is impossible to time travel back to start the search earlier, I do not suffer from wasting too much time. At least my past experience have helped me to shape my confidence and have empowered me in various areas, to allow me to venture into any field that I want without much difficulties.

When I start to ask around, I have come to know that those that are like me share a similar way of thinking and decisions that lead us to reach this stage of life without a dream; while those that have dreams, have spent quite some time in searching for them. Hence the key is to really search for it, search for the dream first before any other things in life.

I do not have one now and I feel terribly uncomfortable with it. So I have made up my mind to find my dream, and I feel so glad that I have the full support of all my family members and close friends. Soon I will soar to the sky and roar, or fell terribly. But I don't care.

天空

手放开
心转冷
梦不起
飞直坠
一缕茫烟
空中飘散
×××
哦……下雨了
雨后……会有天晴吗？

【后记】：当然会有，不然怎么会有这句成语……

梦想？

中学当我们讨论梦想时，我是那么自然地说，我的梦想是要有一个正常的家庭，过一个平凡的生活。于是我的好友，一个恨不得“兜巴兜巴”给我死，一个为我与年龄不相称的超然而惊讶。

但自从那句话说出口后，我一直都在迷惑，为什么这句话会出自我的口？每一次迷惑，都沦为聊以自慰。一次的“我总会找到的”，两次的“我总会找到的”，三次四次五次，总是“总会”……这样总是下去，难道我要迷惑到老去，迷惑到死去？每一次迷惑后，我反思得越厉害；每一次安慰后，我痛苦得更厉害。

如果你问我，我最讨厌自己些什么，我一定会说：我最讨厌自己的“无想为”。很厌恶自己是一只没有目的的盲头苍蝇，很害怕自己会成为一个庸庸碌碌的无知傀儡。可是，既然那么地讨厌，为什么我始终还在原地踏步？为什么我始终不敢为自己的人生做决定？每一次重大的人生决定，为什么我总是那么地“洒脱”随随便便让命运来决定？而我还如此幸运地走到现在这一步？

我尝试从过去找寻形成我这想法的环境和原因，却发觉这原因躲在巨大的阴影下。不敢走进阴深去探索，就只有开始用借口遁开，开始为自己虚构责任。每当家中的败犬们乱吠，我心中就有几百万个不爽。我要证明虎父无犬子，我要证明如果我要引爆我是最闪亮的超新星，但我害怕我只能有一次机会失败，所以我始终不敢踏出。

我不相信你从我身上看出来我只想要过平凡的生活，我也不相信……但矛盾的裂缝却确确实实在那。我是那么地不甘于平凡，却又从未正视过自己的梦想。是我想追求的目标太多，所以始终不敢找一个焦点？还是我始终挥不开那巨大的暗影，害怕超越不了沦为失败被耻笑？

终于我鼓起了勇气，坦诚问父母对我到底有什么期望？“没什么期望，不想给你压力，你过得好就好。”或许正是这个没有什么期望，所以我想在每一方面都证明自己，我要证明自己能把书读好，能把工做好，能赚钱，会做人，会成功。

但我难道要一世人都活在这种证明当中？我需要开始找寻我的梦想，最好能找到一个把证明和梦想合二为一的途径。

我需要时光机。

FW: The Royal Kingdom of Singapore

By Gunfighter, Guest Columnist

Though we are by constitution a Republic with a parliamentary political system, a modern monarchy better describes our system. The almost total representation by the ruling party in parliament gives the PM, which is head of the ruling party, an inordinate amount of power.

The lack of true separation of powers adds to the problem. Whether the real power broker is the SM or PM is missing the point. The crux is that near absolute power is held by a single person.

Some would thus argue that Singapore is a dictatorship. I disagree as dictators do not need a mandate. Dictators exercise their absolute authority through decree and brute force, as in the case of Burma. That is not the case in Singapore. Like ancient China, our rulers continue to attempt to retain their mandate and claim legitimacy to rule.

I make a comparison with ancient China because we are a predominantly Chinese society. To deny that our cultural make up plays an important role in our political system is naïve.

Although we are modern, seemingly westernised and rapidly changing, deeply rooted in our psyche are Confucian values such as deference to and respect for elders. We have an examination based system to bring the most talented people into government like in ancient China.

We may even be inclined to accept rule by a benign and wise ruler than to participate in the political system. This may partly explain our political apathy. Comparing our political system to that of other predominantly Chinese societies – namely Taiwan and Hongkong – is also pointless. They have been subject to powerful external forces – the Americans in the case of Taiwan, and the British in the case of Hongkong - that promoted or even forced western style democracy on their societies while we have been largely left untouched.

If we view our system as a monarchy, then it is much easier to understand why our opposition parties are so ineffective. You cannot vote out a monarch at the voting booth. The opposition is practically useless in Singapore, both in theory and in practice.

Any attempts to build a credible opposition would be put down, by hook or by crook. This is just the nature of things. It has happened and will continue to happen. Dissenters in monarchies are usually swiftly and harshly dealt with. Besides, the opposition is unable to form a credible and viable alternative government because of PAP’s near monopoly of intellectual capital through the scholarship system.

Despite all its drawbacks, government scholars do represent some of our smartest people and most are quite rounded individuals although the heavy emphasis on academic excellence may suggest otherwise.

Fortunately, the transformation of monarchies to democracies is not without historical precedence. In Europe, this took place by way of violent revolutions like the French revolution or the relinquishment of power under the threat of the former.

The common denominator was widespread discontent and even outright anger with the monarchic system. The French revolution was best remembered (by the non French) for sparking off similar revolts elsewhere in the Western hemisphere.

It is thus no wonder that the government is trying to appease the average Singaporean so that violent revolution is unthinkable. In ancient China, the mandate to rule is regarded as sacred and bestowed by the heavens. Once the emperor has been judged to have lost his heavenly mandate, more often than not, he would be replaced through forced abdication, murder, usurpation or by an opportunistic invader.

Having said that, I believe that the PAP has a mandate to rule. The fact that there was no uprising nor political backlash when LKY allegedly imprisoned his political opponents under the ISA leads me to believe that they were not that popular after all.

Neither do I subscribe to wayangparty’s view that the PAP only has 44%(???) of the population’s support as there is no evidence that the people in the uncontested wards would all vote for the opposition. The 44(???)% therefore represents a minimum percentage that is likely to exceed 50% if everyone had the opportunity to vote.

Furthermore, the current government is widely credited for the successful transformation of a resourceless island into a modern city through state capitalism, lifting general living standards far ahead of our resource rich neighbours. Wayangparty is however right to point out that PAP’s popularity is probably lower than what the latter makes it out to be.

Without widespread discontent and anger, with the PAP still keeping its mandate, and with our opposition parties virtually impotent, all is still not lost. For now, the way to make our country better for its people is to enter PAP or the civil service and nobly serve the country.

I do believe, perhaps naively, that there are good civil servants and PAP MPs out there trying to build a better future for us. But they will always be constrained by the realities of our political system and for their long term survival, they will have to at least look like they are toeing the party line. For if not, they will go nowhere in the system and will have no power to do anything.

To move away from the monarchy is much more difficult, if not impossible in the near term. The factors that would force real political change would require a rupture of the existential but seldom talked about social contract – as long as the government deliver some level of prosperity to most of us, most would quietly accept the constraints on liberty and political freedom that concerns, by the way, a minority of Singapore society.

If Singapore’s economy collapses thus invalidating the social contract, this might create the necessary social conditions for real political change. In such a gloomy economical scenario however, we become an easy target for external political interference or even annexation attempts. History is testament to this. Thus I caution those who wish for drastic political change to be careful of what you wish for. You will never know what you are going to get.

For a change in the political system without the uncertainty and risks of economic collapse, the change must come from within the PAP. In my opinion, the most plausible way is that the PAP fall asunder under the weight of its own internal power struggle and perhaps fragment into two or more parts.

There must exist sufficient structural tension within the party, and even then, only after the real power brokers have been weakened. As most can see, this is not likely to occur any time soon.
So ladies and gentlemen, the PAP is going to be with us for a long time to come.

Just an observer.

[Comment: A wonderful piece of article written such fluently which basically explains the general Singapore's political landscape. Though you may not agree with everything (you don't need to) the author writes, most of his/her arguments are rational. More discussions could be found at its Original thread from The Wayang Party]

Magical May

May was really a magical month. I first made this sentence to reflect my impulsive dissatisfaction over the magical number pair: pay -5%, work + 100%, but more events turned out to make my May of 2009 a truly magical one.

The double of work at the time of nearly half-a-year employment in HP is not unfair, and it just symbolizes nicely for me to summarize past efforts and plan ahead for the next half. The new additional workloads are just in time to "force" me to step up and level up my work efficiency and effectiveness.

At April I bought a book written by Kenichi Ohmae, and I finished it in May, using transit time and waiting time. It is a real inspirational and enlightening book (It is not one of those motivation series but I draw inspirations between lines) that I will write a book review (in Mandarin because I bought the translated version) in this or next month. If him, at such a age and level, still reads 500 news per day, by using trendy RSS feed; then I really could not find any excuse for myself (which is from the tech generation) not to fully utilize my Google Reader again.

By doing so, I can connect to the world and friends at my fingertips. It also serves as my portal of learning for investments. I started my studies not long ago, and with my POEMS account details has been delivered in the Magical May, it's really just in time.

But what really made my month were all the wishes, treats, presents, cares and efforts from you, all my dear friends. Thank you.

Life, begins at 25; as everything we learnt in the past, just begins to form a wonderful and yet mysterious puzzle.