看透

古诗有句“做惯乞儿懒做官”，稍微改成“做惯闲人懒做工”，挺适合形容我现在的心情。自由自在的生活，没有排山倒海的职责，没有无理取闹的压迫，我越来越喜欢。把握充裕的时间来充实尚年轻的自己，没有比这更快乐的事。

对于企业世界的各种纷争，争职位、争权力、争升职、争上位，我越看越心寒，越听越意阑。一个公司的运作，如果大多有关这些无谓的“内部运动”，根本就是浪费人才。不能让人尽其能的公司，会逐渐被淘汰。一个老板，如果不能给予员工基本的尊重，只会各种剥削的小伎俩，根本就是无良商人。没有诚信的商人，根本做不长。

其实暂时存在的不一定合理，不能因为眼前的都是乌烟瘴气就认邪为正。举例，一个逝世的大富豪留给儿子三代都花不完的财富，但这个儿子天生败家，酒色财气全沾，大肆挥霍了十年，家产却仍未败完。于是人们啧啧称奇，挥霍这么久，怎么还没用光？然后他持续挥毫，到临死之前才把家产败光。于是不懂内情的人开始议论纷纷，原来大肆挥霍也可以善终，开始被迷惑。

在这个竞争激烈的社会里，我们不能被迷惑，哪怕是面对再强大的权力。能引起人性共鸣的，才是好策略，好管理。这道理，非常浅明，没有什么好迷惑的。索罗斯说：“组织这东西，一旦历史久了，就容易重视组织稳定和利益，更甚于原先的使命。” 大前研一说：“大企业一直找不到优秀人才，不是因为没有优秀人才进来，而是优秀人才进来后变笨了。”

尽管我未必会再涉及其中，但我就不相信混饭吃的，能混出什么名堂。只是我越看越透，更宁愿把一切当故事看，毕竟浮名利禄只是过眼云烟，人生有许多美好的事，更值得我去追寻。

附古诗：

游子闲来有事忙，

清早起床卧看山。

毕竟百年皆是梦，

做惯乞儿懒做官。

漏防纵恶

夜来忧烦，独自去跑步。
踏步迎风，呼吸心静处。
遥望星云，思绪尽托付。
宇宙万物，惟人世繁复。

我从来就不相信人是绝对的恶，而是可以不断改善的，所以谨记着“恕”；但我也不相信人是绝对的善，只要有作恶的空间或恶欲的诱惑，人就会犯错，所以谨记着“防”。（这是很可悲的，但却是事实，否则社会也不需要法制了。）可惜我这一次漏了。

一对母女由中介领着来看房子，顽皮的幼童趁所有大人不注意时，伸手推破了房东最心爱也是最贵的吉祥物-玉制比丘。我顿时有点慌了，致电房东询问价钱，然后和她们索取赔偿。由于那个中介和我同公司，心想她应该懂得如何处理，而且我也肯定可以通过公司找到她，所以就“放”了她们走。

没想到隔天联系那个中介时，她说她的买家一直没有回电，而她没有其他联系方式。那一刻我的心顿时凉了。完了，我亏大了。果然，在过后的几天里，一切石沉大海。没法子，只好自掏腰包补偿房东，尽管我没有让他知道真相。

当然，我可以告诉他买家玩臭逃债，让他蒙受损失，但一来他们信任我把房子交给我卖，二来东西被摔破了后他们没有给我臭脸看，我实在不愿意让他们白白损失，从而影响他们对我的信任和以后的合作关系。

所以，于己于人，我实在没有选择，怪就怪在自己错误估计买家和那个中介的关系，给了买家逃避责任的空间。但当我把厚厚的纸钞从钱包里抽出来时，我的心也在抽搐，无端端穷了几百块。从来没想过原来卖房子可以以这种方式来亏钱的，当真买了个教训。

当自己面临不公时，没有人会少喊不公；但当自己有机会为私利而逃避责任时，有多少人会勇敢承担？当自己有机会利用不公中饱私囊时，有多少人会抵御诱惑？恐怕没几个人。所以我从来不会在别人叫喊不公时觉得他们有多高尚，因为那些行为不过是条件反射。

小孩贪玩，少不懂事；大人“懂事”，迂回蛇行。在我看来，那个女孩摔破比丘不是什么大错，反而那个母亲在众人面前怒责她，转身之后却逃之夭夭，犯下了非常大的罪恶。第一项罪：虚伪。第二项罪：损坏他人物品却逃避赔偿。第三项罪：给孩子一个非常不好的逃罪示范，以后恐怕影响了她一生的正直。长远来看，第三项罪才是对社会带来最坏影响的。

我不知道，但我希望她不要在痛责女孩保存自己面子过后还洋洋得意地和女儿说自己如何“化险为夷”。如果那女儿天性乖巧以后叫她如何抬得起头做人？如果那女儿天性稍差叫她如何不入歧途？

大多数人害怕承担责任，只想做戏了事，却没想到其实危机就是机会。若你肯仔细想一想，这个其实是教育孩子的黄金机会。如果那个母亲能够勇敢地替女儿谢罪并且立即赔偿，再回家教导女儿为人之道：“人谁无过，过而能改，善莫大焉”，难道不是美事？可惜啊可惜。某些父母总是不明白以身作则才是教导，否则就是虚伪。

也可惜我因疏漏而纵容了这次恶，而只好以自亏来亡羊补牢，避免增加社会中彼此的不信任，希望算是小善吧。一念之差，就少了两个月的伙食费啊，唉。

善养浩然正气，问心少愧，足矣。

感伤毕。但愿祸福相倚。但愿明天会更好。

Integrity

It has been about a month to work as a property agent. Life is certainly good without wasting too much time. Before I embarking on this journey, some were afraid that I am too nice to work in such environment that is full of possibilities of fraud.

Perhaps it's true to a certain extent, but I believe I am not naive though I am nice. However, the question of integrity does pose a serious challange to me. After two weeks of directionless efforts without results, I had one friend wanted to rent out his condominium for short-term lease. I was relieved that finally I got a more powerful side to serve, albeit a difficult one as short-term needs are rare and harder to match.

So one senior director who just so happened sat beside me that time told me not to advertise renting out for short-term, but to advertise 1-year lease to lure normal tenants, state a minimum period in the contract, and ask the owner to give one-month notice to tenants before taking back. He said:"Do this kind of thing, cannot be so straight one." Was it the right thing to do? I puzzled the whole night.

The next morning I went on to search listings online, and found out that another senior director were marketing a condo for short-term lease as well. I was so happy to have seen the light and decided not to follow the first director's advice. And in fact, I was rewarded by luck to close the deal with first client that I have shown the unit, and got my first deal.

I thought I would have forgotten this event. But somehow I came across similar story again, with different main actors and script writer. I brought a client to view a unit for short-term lease, he didn't really like it. I went back to the unit after sending the client off, to exchange card with the landlord's agent.

And that's when I came into the play, as an unexpected figure. The other group of PRC tenants, without the presence of their agent, were having communication breakdown with the landlord's agent who is a Malay, due to limited english conservation skills. So I went on to become the free translator, facilitated the communication in between, and helped both sides to agree on the deal.

However, in a flash of moment, I captured a message among the group to know that they weren't informed by their PRC agent, that this rent is for short-term. The contract is a one-year lease with minimum staying period of 5 months. But I know this rent is really meant for short-term because the landlord's agent has informed me that the landlord intends to sell his house asap. After 5 months, they will be kicked out, LEGALLY. So someone is obviously playing the trick of not disclosing the essential information, the PRC agent. Against his own countrymen, BRILLIANT!

So the ball was on my court. Should I act like moral hero, disclose the information, ruin the deal that has nothing to do with me? Or should I just neglect it as I am not supposed to be involved in it anyway? Eventually I chose to be silent because the ball was supposed to be invisible to me. If I weren't nice, I would have just walked away. If I weren't smart, I would not have spotted the insight.

All of the above sound like excuses to make myself feel better. And certainly I do. In this kind of scenario, I am not going to punish myself for not speaking out. That is by all means that agent's fault and wrong doing. And it is different than not helping when a robbery or other crimes happen.

Think about it, it is done legally. Think about it, any party which includes landlord, landlord's agent, tenant and tenant's agent could be utilizing this loophole by hiding their intentions. Think about it, a series of accidents (landlord changes his mind to sell his house midway, landlord don't like tenant and like to kick them out, tenant decides to go back home country midway, tenant don't like the place after a while etc) could have caused the same event (contract to be terminated by either side after minimum staying period). So in the contract, interest of both parties has already been protected by the one month notice.

But being legal doesn't mean being right. Not disclosing essential information that could have affetcting other's decisions is not right. On the same scenario, I have chosen to disclose while that agent have chosen not to disclose. Should I help him to disclose as well? I don't think so. I can only control what I do and affect other slightly but I cannot control how others do things. I can't be hero and save everyone, because even hero can't save everyone. You have to be smart yourself.

Well, everyone lives their own life. Which path you want to take, it's entirely up to you; but where the path will lead you to, it's not entirely up to you. You just pay the price of your decision. Some people have thrown away their sense of guilt and keep jeopardizing their integrity in exchange for short-term gains. I hope they don't wake up to the call of their conscience, because once they do, they will subject themselves to insurmountable sufferings.

There are many ways to success, but I always believe that integrity is vital for long-term success. I have seen examples that justfiy my belief. The only thing is that, of all the thing, integrity is the one that is immeasurable.

P/S: The above red paragraph is also dedicated to the fat landlord bitch that swallows our deposit of $2600.

HP Procurement Engineer - I

Good bye Alexandra, and here ends my 11-month stay in ATP-B. It has not been even a year , but I believe I have learnt and gained much experience and insights about work, than some others that may need more than a year to achieve.

It is not my abilities, but rather special situations that have made me grow from near drowning. Just merely after the first lunch in the company with friends (instead of with boss), I was told that tomorrow, which was only my second day of work, I had to go to a place in Johor.

"Supplier's factory."

"How do I go?"

"Look for Nigel, he knows how to travel there." (Who's Nigel?)

"Can I have his number?"

"Hi, Nigel, this is..., ..., and ... so where should I wait for you?"

"HPAM, 452, in front of the shuttle bus waiting area." (What's HPAM? Where's shuttle bus area)

So I was given an unknown task, to meet up with an unknown person and to go into an unknown area. And I did not have too many minutes to hesitate for calling the "unknown person", asking for more details, nor did I have too much time to wander around because the first place to know was not my office but the HPAM area. Luckily I still had Luke to show me around.

Hence on second day I sat on the car together with Nigel and went into CJH. Celestica Johor. Every steps in the factory, everything that I saw, every person that I met, were new and unfamiliar.

"So, do you have any questions? If you have questions you can just ask, I will try my best to tell you all."

"Not at this moment, you just tell me whatever you can recall."

Keeping my head down, I was just too busy jotting down every names, processes, stations, abbreviations, states, situations, problems, solutions, or basically every words, be it related or not because I wouldn't know.

My worries started to creep in. Two more weeks and I had to take over the plant transfer and manage it. How would it turn out? Would I be fine? I had no idea. Without any technical background and prior working relationship with the supplier, I could only pray that these two weeks to move slowly.

It wasn't really a tough period as I could still tag along Nigel and learn as much and quick as I can. But I know I have to walk every quick steps very carefully in order not to slip. I had only one day to go back to company on the second week, to get everything (badge, email, digital key and remote access) done, so that I could work in supplier's factory.

Luckily suppliers are nice peoples. Maybe because I am their customer, or maybe because I am a Malaysian. Though working hour was long and tiring, I could still handle it. I worked for 11 days continuously since the first day. I spotted the Mod0 capacity issue as a gating for mass production run and raised it before it became critical. You may wonder why it was me as a new arrive to have spotted this, that's because you have no idea how messy and chaotic the whole factory was, where every working men had been stretched to the fullest, chased and expediated for different objectives.

And then came the storm during the X'mas shutdown period. PCB quality issue had caused two high yield losses and line downs, created the lime light from the world and attracted boss's boss to travel down. Worked until 5am once. Dealt with two bosses directly. Daily update. Maybe it's normal for a seasoned colleague, but for a fresh graduate like me, I just felt it's quite stressful sometimes, especially at the moment of receiving sms-es from bosses in the morning. Nevertheless I did rise to the occasion, done what I should have done, and learnt quite a few important things in this work.

It was especially delightful to receive a compliment from a US folk whom I had forgot his name, that "I think you have done pretty well. If I were you, coming out fresh from the oven, I would have stumbled and crumbled." Even if he was just being kind, I have been strongly encouraged. Because I never like the idea of using "freshness" as an excuse to avoid responsiblity or accountability. People may excuse my mistakes due to my inexperience and rawness but it is just not something that I should rely on.

I have no complaints of what I had to go through, nor did I complain to others about my manager for putting me into such situation. I rationalize things and only grumble if things could have been done in a better way. In this case, I don't see any other option. If it wasn't for this, perhaps in the first case I would not have been hired, wasn't it? In fact, later when I finally befriended most of my colleagues, I even played down their tones against my manager in gossiping talks, because their opinions were off the mark though were out of good heart, as they did not have the whole picture in mind.

Of course I did sigh and moan sometimes, but that's more to relieve my emotions.

And hence the first month of super steep learning had finally passed. My hardest earnt monthly salary so far.

Two paths

Two paths:

Path A: Lazy to get things done - piling - accumulating - rolling - procrastinating - learn how to avoid - learn how to delegate - learn how to leverage - learn how to bull shit - learn how to smoke -----> Eventually things need to be done are still there. Nothing has been moved, nothing has been solved, nothing has been done. When the bomb explodes either the person dies or his successor dies.

Path B: Want to get things done - trying - pushing - driving - analyzing - moving but slowly - learn how to absorb - learn how to communicate - learn how to collaborate - learn how to co-operate ------> Eventually things get better slowly. Something has been cleared, something has been cleaned, something has been done, but not everything becomes perfect and problems still exist. This makes the room for improvement, building on predecessor's efforts to make things better and better.

In either path, we can never work alone. Those who choose path A and "work" alone, will soon be fired; and those who choose path B and work alone, will soon become tired.

And hence, first thing first, there is a need to ensure no room for players to choose path A and create the abusing downward spiral. Because, when too many people walk path A with too less people doing the real job, the bomb just grows bigger and bigger. When it explodes, all will die.

The irony of guardian

Somehow I feel that those who at least get the basic works done in job, tend to have a deeper hunger to free themselves from the routine chain and seek for something higher. One that defends the castle the most is one that wishes to leave the castle the most. How ironical is that? Maybe I am biased but I have seen quite of number of them.

To a certain extent this looks contradicting. If you don't like what you are doing, why are you still safeguarding the responsibilities? You can learn various skills like "tai-chi" to survive in the workplace.

But in fact, it only becomes truly contradicting if one seeks to free himself for something higher, and yet use dirty tricks (tricks are not necessary dirty) to achieve so. Means and ends must go in one direction.

Of course the "something higher" means values and principles.

经验 - 相不相关

既然前文强调了“经验”的重要性，就顺带谈一下所谓的“经验”。

作为初生之犊，我们很自然地会在很多情况下，发觉“经验”有被审视的需要，尤其当一些所谓有“X年工作经验的”人的作风总是让人愤怒时。应该说，年岁不等于经验，正如待在公司里不等于有做工一样。因而，”相关“的经验，还是值得尊重的；但相不相关，就至关重要。X年的工作经验，究竟是X年的打太极经验，还是X年的实干经验？

相关的经验，是越多越好，越广越好。但在这个大千世界啊，谁会说自己的经验不相关呢？呵呵。

Work-sickaholic

I am so close to sleep but yet one email triggers my serene mind to turn on urge to express a ruminating thought that has been in my mind for long.

I want to separate between workaholic and work-sickaholic. I don't know does this term exist but it just strikes my chord. While most of people are sick of long-hour works (not for / against, just a statement), some people are sick. Work makes them sick, real sick.

If those works are like doctors - saving life, teachers - nourishing talents, developers - building things, leaders - bearing responsibilities and so on, I have nothing but due respect for those that devote their precious time in contributing to the society and lifting others up.

If those works are mere routine activities or exercises, of which shallow meaning could be dug out, hands off and get a life! No one is going to read these emails at 11PM, so what on earth sending out at this hour, to exert unnecessary, unwise and meaningless pressure on employees?

I admire workaholic. Perhaps to a certain extent I am, but I draw a very clear line between workaholic and work-sickaholic. I can't despise them as they do work, but I feel awfully unease. Life is short, so time could have been spent on much more meaningful events.

Of course I have nothing to say if that's what they seek. But I term it as sickaholic because I think what drives them are waves of fears from dark vortex. One fine day they will realize they are patients.

Or am I the patient actually?

邪不胜正

我一时忘了为什么对其中一个同事早有戒心，还以为自己的第六感真得那么厉害，直到最近才想起，刚做工不久就因为一件事而察觉到不妥。

那件事，就是他用“茅招”，通过我来打听老板的消息。明明老板在我身旁，却假传讯息说老板有事找我，让我纳闷了两秒，过后才恍然大悟。我明白一个员工要确认无政府状态的渴望，但是却搞不懂他为什么不可以单刀直入，而取道旁门。想要掩饰，也不用好一点的伎俩，明明是下三滥的手段，却以为自己出的是高招，直教我打从心里鄙视，从那一刻起就挖沟筑墙。

时隔十个月，收到从不同管道传来的讯息和经历不少事件后，我终于明白什么叫声名狼藉。可怜他还活在自己的世界，以为用表面的魔术忽悠了全世界，却不知道早已被众人唾弃。当然，凭着厚黑术，他还可以生存下去，但就仅仅是生存下去，在没有朋友的情况下，生存下去。

基本上，谁和他在哪一方面同组，谁就颜面无存，因为那一方面总被他丢尽了脸。最好他别称自己叫男人，真教我无地自容。真希望，有一天，他会看到林肯的这句话：“你可以在某些时候欺骗所有的人，也可以永远欺骗某些人，却不能永远欺骗所有人。”

邪金耐不住时间的真火，因而，最重要的还是心术正，心水清。其道不正，其术也歪。

Know more? Think twice.

The more I know the more I have to let go, let go of such thought that, knowing more is the only way to reach destination. When I know more, I am enlightened that the world can revolve by pushing around, I am amazed by how smart some parasites are, and those who walked the path I intend to walk have left such a note: the more you know, the more work you have; the less you know, the less problem you have. Eventually, it boils down to one and only one simple question: why do I want to know more? Does the possession of knowledge genuinely makes me happy, as it has filled my curiosity, or it makes me feel more secured?

Knowing more is not the only way, perhaps not even the fastest or effective way to reach destination, but I get more than just reaching destination. It is not only ends that matter, or matter the most. Eventually, it points to one and only one final question: can I answer my own call of conscience and compassion?

双离

在电梯偶遇。

“我想提早通知。”

“对之前的顾虑没有影响？”

“问了，确认了没有。提早到你离去那天，可以吗？”

“当然可以，只要你想清楚了的话。”

“想好了就要做，再拖下去就不成气候了。你也不是一样？”

“看来接下来的日子动荡难免。”

“哈哈，你的才是地震海啸呢！我的算什么。”他也笑了，没有继续说什么。

挥手道别后，想起几个小时前的第一次也是最后一次的表现评估，我很奇怪地笑了出来。在这评估里，没有假的内容，但对两个即将离去的人，却更像是谢幕戏。

站在同样理解的高度上的对话，许多重要的讯息都不言自明，属言外之意。一笑，藏千意。或许生活的高度，只能在工作外找到。

职场上的私德

一个同事值不值得与他共事，就得看他肯不肯站稳自己的工作岗位，敬业尽责。这和他的私德没有任何关系。我管他私底下为人有多好，如果他连自己的责任都不肯背负，而让其他的同事承受多余的负担累赘，再好人也是枉然。我甚至会怀疑，所谓的“好人”形象，是否只是伪善的面具，利用着别人的怜悯来逃脱责任。

同事如此，政治人物亦然，公责和私德必须分明。

The shackles of fear

Driven by fear to be accountable and laziness to absorb responsibility, some people master vast range of skills which include evading, reflection and so on. They would never bother to do hands on , like to hands off everything and yet fighting hard to justify their salary.

Whenever a problem occurs, they would ask one thousand and one questions. Sounds like they really care huh? Actually they don't even bother to waste a microsecond to read or digest information of which they may find answers for their own questions.

They just need an answer to be answerable, or they need a line stating that this is not their responsibility. And then they would be very happy to remain silent. To them learning worths nothing, except for learning all those skills.

The best thing is to have nothing happens. What a boring life they wish to live. Binded eternally and fully controlled by fear, they are losing their existence second by second.

A storming day

Seldom has he used word "important" in email. Never has he called for a team meeting at 5PM, a time that is so close to the end of the day. And when he did for the first time, it is also his last time.

Out of the blue, all of us were stunned. It is the least expected event that could be described as "important". In fact, it is the most important event ever. Clouds soon roamed around everyone's head.

It must have taken him a lot of courage to make this decision and assume risks afterward. After 16 years of serving, at his mid forties where most of the people would prefer to stick to the comfort zone, he vigorously set out to sail into an unknown sea, to set up his own business, to do something that he really wants to do. This alone draws much admiration from colleagues of similar age.

If that is what he seeks to do for a long time instead, then perhaps it connotes something about what he has been doing for the past few years. Without much exchange of words, all of us reach the same level of understanding of the background, aside from the immediate feeling and confusion for all sorts of uncertainties that lay ahead.

But we could only laugh, as we all know that he leaves for his own good. Principal from the other came over to express his incomprehension of our seemingly joyous air, only to figure out that it's a very thin layer of air that serves as a temporary remedy. We all know what happened, and what will happened. A bomb has been dropped, and soon we will be exposed to storms.

Though we occasionally bemoan about some of his actions and decisions, and grumble about his lack of guidance, but given circumstances that he has to handle, perhaps he has given his best to let everyone of us has our own room to breathe and work. This alone deserves a lot of respects from us, as he at least has given us respects to do things. You may ask, isn't it a simple thing to do? Perhaps it is but unfortunately I rarely see it happens. How many of us can resist throwing temper under piling pressure? How many of us can resist using insensible arguments and pressing angers to bulldoze all the way, just to get our goals achieved?

But one could only do so much, for a limited period of time. Everyone of us is in charge of our own direction. Storms, will definitely come. We have no choice but to bite the bullet and move on.

Just that none of us has expected this storming day. Neither do I have expected that my manager will leave before me. It certainly stirs up the rest of my colleagues' mind, but makes me more firm on my soon-to-be departure.

墮

那一刻，我確定了自己在墮落。這地方，真的不屬于我。我用細細的冷光，靜靜地掃射周圍所有的言行舉動，越觀察越沮喪。原來，蛇行鼠鉆是那么普遍，濫竽充數是那么容易。透徹，居然帶來痛苦，越透徹越心傷。害群，真的只需要少數；而建設的力量卻永遠比不上破壞的邪力。我不屑、憤慨、狂傲，心中卻只能萬般無奈。曾經，我像個小學生般戰戰兢兢地學習，又像個狂少年般雄心萬丈地堅信帶來改變，但無論我怎么學習和付出，仍改善不了系統的一點一滴。在不注重系統和文化的大環境里，奮力抗拒環境的腐蝕消耗了我太多精神，卻沒有帶來實質的收獲，所有的問題仍會再出現，我的努力卻只是杯水車薪，仿佛拼命地撼動大墻，什么都沒有動，累的酸的卻只有自己的雙手。

算了，真的算了。作最后的奮發，過后什么都不管了，反正我已決定了不再隨遇而安。只是，我始終有點遲疑，為什么，我最尊重的幾位同事，都是跟隨著命運一路走來，卻擁有我最欣賞的待人處事的作風呢？

一年回顾

毕业一年了，工作一年了，在染缸里浸泡，一年了。撇开在美国那段接受训练的幸福日子不谈，剩余的都是真正的职场岁月。我觉得踏入社会工作满一年，是有意义的里程碑，也是最值得回顾和反思的阶段。做为社会大学的sophomore，面对着理想与现实的落差、交集着愚蠢和智慧的更迭、享受着经济上独立自主的解放、承受着伴随自由而来的责任、接受着四面八方的各色诱惑和辨别着政经文教的真假虚实，变化之大冲击之深，我相信很难在人生的另一个阶段复制，走过了的人自能体会。而我，走过了，却仍在整理着这些体会。

从事第一份工的时间太短，没让我对职场博弈有太多体会，但受经济大气候影响的被解雇却让我提前认识到中年危机的严重性。现在的第二份工，则真正让我看到工作的方方面面。现在还能回想起来的，记忆仍深的，大都与稚嫩和恐惧有关：一开工就连续工作十一天的惊讶、第二天就去供应商的工厂上班的担忧、第一次和老板一同被供应商请客的疑虑、经验浅薄却得和供应商的不同部门打交道的恐惧、太多技术名词不明白，却害怕连太基本的都问显得很愚蠢的挣扎、有效期为三个月的白卡被没收，以致在新加坡逗留期有限，仍需频繁来回马新的无奈、第一次收到老板手机短讯时的压迫、一件事情同时交代两个老板的辛苦、在供应商工厂上班一个月，回到自己的公司却反而不适应的陌生、第一次出席team meeting的浮躁、晚上或周末仍打开电脑回复电邮的惦记、每次接受新任务都伴随着炸弹地雷的奇运、被繁琐的工作强奸的认命。。。林林总总，难以尽述。

但你别误会，我是在描述，而不是在投诉。实际上除了偶尔和朋友倾诉之外，我并没有认真抱怨过，因为每份工都有难做之处，亚洲的工作很少压力不大的。从一开始我就拿着我那本笔记本，不断记录和学习，学会了很多知识、认识了很多灰色地带、看透了很多现象、掌握了很多技巧。最重要的是，因为工作上接触到形形色色的人，让我明白到不同部门之间的运作方式，更学习到和不同类型的同事相处的方式。

对于工作不同的要求，我已逐渐得心应手，而我也不再为别人偶尔的无聊、无理、无心、无情而感到无力。只要做好自己的本分，我宠辱无惊，反正任务从来就是做不完的。于是我慢慢清楚什么是工作，也逐渐明白攀爬梯级需要什么本领，只是在修了职场博弈一年的学分后，我却在人生的岔路上更加迷惑。

原来，工作是什么和我是什么，关系并没有想象中密切。失梦青年的心境是：無力博弈，無欲挽弓，斗志全消，玩世不恭。是领悟？还是糊涂？思绪的拉锯战仍会继续，我需要更多的体会来决定，所以，出走，是唯一的可能，也是必经的途径。

A third path?

Suddenly I feel so unfamiliar with most of the mathematic concepts that I had learnt. Fundamentals deteriorate so fast. The same goes to other sciences or theories. Is this a must after coming out to work? Especially work for a not-so-technical job. Ya sometimes some people says something like you can go anywhere else with the mix of technical and management skills. But sometime some people says something like no offence but you are merely a postman, a messeger, a middleman that just passes the message around. Ya sometimes I find myself gaining a lot of insights in various aspects. But sometimes I feel like I am wasting my talent. Especially when the news of somone further his or her studies in somewhere, the impulse at that moment could still stir my mood. But there are certain responsibilities I can't overlook. Sometimes it's not about chocie that you could have, sometimes it's not about dream that you wish to seek, it's about roles. Everyone has unique roles and constraints. I just hope ... in between theories and application, in between work and studies, in between reality and dream, in between urge and contentment, there is a third path...

现实是拥挤的，梦想是敞阔的，渴望着梦想，却屈服于现实，在矛盾的裂缝中逃离、憧憬、挣扎、奋斗……未来的图景朦胧遥远，未来的路途山重水复。路在何方？没有答案。唯有身后深浅不一的足迹，一步步地勾划出一段段曾经……读史可以明智，读过去可以明路么？

My current life

Yeah, two is down, one more.

If you don't understand what I'm saying, let me explain it. Now I am working as shift trainee in the fab, which means I work 12 hours per day, 4 or 3 days per week alternatively. This week is short week so I need to work 3 days and got 4 days holiday. Yippee....but not until tomorrow night.

Working in fab is kind of busy, busy adapting, busy learning and busy building up good foundation. To have many colleagues with experience is good for learning and yet that means the mountain of expectation is higher to climb.

Frankly speaking, maybe it's not up to your expectation, I am still struggling with my work, especially fighting vigorously against the ZZ monster. It's just too hard to stay awake and focus for 12 hours without dozing off. I think I already earn my reputation for being dozy-fishy. Yalar, I can sleep earlier la...but sometimes come back late, sometimes need to cook for tomorrow, sometimes come back feel like talking to friend instead of just go to bed, so most of the times I only get 5 to 6 hours to sleep. I have to find another smart way to keep me awake in the fab, that thing definitely will not be coffee though.

I starts to feel that working life is real life because there are too many decisions to make, too many things to learn, too many aspects to be balanced and too many relationships to be taken care of. As a comparison, student's life, although is simple and nice, is just too phantom.

Rest, is meaningless without work.

适应

新丁受训，首先的挑战就是适应环境。现在已是工作训练的第二个星期，却还是有些不适应，尤其是密裹成粽子进洁净房。上星期训练第一次进去时，赶着穿连身衣险点扭到大腿。现在渐渐懂得怎么穿了，却还是嫌多了一层纱布顶在鼻子下面痒痒的。

接下来的挑战就是狂吞资讯，连番炮轰的XYZ实在让我疲于接受。工作+交通+家务+管理+计划差不多消耗了我大部分的时间和精力，但为了省钱和修行，我会尽力不在公司吃上一餐。好渴望有八小时睡眠的幸福，但身体也似乎慢慢适应了少睡两小时，只是偶尔会在公司钓钓鱼。幸好现在还是训练期，呼呼。（自我安慰：能辛勤耐劳的，才会享受悠闲）

但要有优质生活，需要照顾的不仅仅是自己的起居饮食，还要吸收无数的常识、过滤大量的言语和寻找提高效率的方法。有时候，实在是很累……幸好还可去慢跑和在这里发牢骚。

好了，加速适应和继续前进！

Job

More of contents about career. I label this article with "career" because it's personal, not like "job", which is tied to company. Career can be "job" AND/OR "entrepreneurship" AND/OR "something else".

An interesting article about job by Guy Kawasaki, namely "The Nine Biggest Myths of the Workplace by Penelope Trunk". I found the first point, "you may live happily even you hate your job", very interesting.


Definitely I agrees that optimism level and personal relationships affects happiness much more than job. But how much you correlates your happiness with your job? That's down to your belief.

For me, the first important reason to work is to earn my own living. It couldn't be false, could it? Whether could I find interests in doing it is subjected to circumstances and chances. Of course I will feel great if I am doing a job that I like, but for most of the job, you don't know whether you like or not until you experience it, and after experienced it, you could find something that can fulfil your satisfaction. To get a task done in a style by itself gives much satisfaction.

Because for every job, there's a reason why it exists. Think not of the job itself, but of who might be affected by your job.