@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Welcome! 欢迎!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Welcome to my virtual home. This is a little private space for me to put my thoughts and share my feelings since 2005. Due to my wide range of interests, there are perhaps too many tags. I would explain some of the less obvious tags:

"About Life" is really about how I have been pondering about life and what enlightenments and paradigm shifts I had experienced.

"About Psi" contains most topics about happiness, optimism vs pessimism,
confidence, comparison, pride and prejudice and other psychological aspects.

"About Logical Thinking" is about my own way of interpretating and explaining
certain issues, aiming to debunk (or create?) superficialness of them.

"About Ideology" is about my thoughts on big concepts like freedom, justice,
fairness in society and religion.

"About Society" is more about my observations about the society, often through interactions with different peoples.

"My Country" reveals my frustration, critics and hope
on my homeland - Malaysia.

"My Little Pieces" has more short posts though mostly are written in Mandarin.

While I do have some posts on book reviews and business, I am planning to
separate them into author-specific and content-specific blogs. Stay tuned.

Enjoy your reading!

Friday, August 25, 2006

博客?部落格?

写Blog已一年多,忽然发觉很想说一说blog自身。网络这些东西通常都是一传十,十传百,当初乍听到有这门东西时缠了王汀一晚才勉强弄出了个头绪怎么弄,很是兴奋去开始blogging……之后就轮到志伟问我这是什么回事,还挺有意思地取了个译名:部落格。
 
其实也不懂为什么会如此频密地blogging,虽说每个人都想要有一个抒发的空间,但像我这样未免是有点过于自恋。以前很小就想象姐姐这样拥有自己的房间,从小二一直烦父母一直到小六才如愿以偿(虽然有了之后立刻把它变成垃圾岗)。到中学DIY网站盛行时也很想有自己的一个网页,只可惜没有这样的能力。看蜡笔小新漫画是为娱乐放松没留下什么印象,除了一篇小新想要自己的一片“天地”之外。
 
或许是为了弥补自己写日记都是三分钟热度断断续续的遗憾,但像这样把心里的想法公告天下不是一件很奇怪的事情么?像是有点作秀还是什么的。。。在某个程度上的确是,不过我还是肆无忌惮地去抒发,别人要怎么看就怎么看(如果我要当秘密我就不会写在这里这样矛盾对吧),毕竟文章只有在捕抓感觉的那一刻才最真实,经历只有对于自己才是最珍贵。
 
不过,话说回来,只有有“闲情”的人才会这样得空吧,呵呵。

The Click

没想到临去香港前还是有那么一段少的时间来blog...
 
和志伟在Cineleisure看了电影The Click。原来这三个月已看了三部戏,比前十年去戏院的总数还多。其实并不是不喜欢看电影,只是选择“少看”。对着狂小的电脑荧幕看,没效果,没感觉;去外面戏院看又有点吝啬,呵呵,看来我这种类型的人再多几个经济发展的速度都要放缓。
 
话说回来,这部戏确是好看。相比之下,我想我最多只能给Tokyo Drift 和 PiratesII “Oklo”的评价。毕竟香车美人和古怪搞趣只属感官刺激,当我想要寻找更深一层的人性因素时,我只会空手而归。换言之,这些电影没有什么启发性啊,看多会闲。
 
早前遇到这部片的预映时有点怀疑:遥控未来?这样的戏恐怕值不回票价。但现在我反而觉得这一部戏足以值回前两部的票价。通过遥控器,主角不断选择跳过生病、吵架、挫折、磨难,结果当那部机器用“智慧记忆”帮他自动跳过时,他顿时发觉生命是空白的,他错过了过程中的种种经历。一转又十年,一转又十年……瞬眼间,儿女大了但自己却没有尽到父亲的责任,妻子走了因为他没给过丈夫的温暖,父亲去世了他也。。虽然他成为了总裁,但 so what? 他什么都没有。
 
当初一个急功好利的决定给他写下这样的结局,遗言那一幕赚人热泪,也传达了家庭为重的价值,但更令我省思的是关于人生的问题:尽管挫折痛苦病痛危难都是令人不愉快的经历,但当你选择避开时,你的人生再也没有色彩,因为它占据了你人生过程中的80-90巴仙。
 
当然,还有许多有教育意义的小节和爆笑哄堂的成人笑话,在这里就省略不提了。不是大制作,没有大卡士,只是用黑色幽默来呈现的普通的家庭伦理片,不过好看。

Monday, August 21, 2006

疯文

母亲总是喜欢在戏弄猫的时候问:” 不知道它在想什么?“ 而我则爱在凝望它双眼时尝试捕捉它的感想,但结果只是在照镜子,通过它闪亮的眼珠看回自己被光线投射的缩影。我不懂它在想什么,或许它也在好奇我在想什么?
思想。空间。心灵。我躺在床边浅浅地合上了眼,想让心灵在虚幻的想象空间飞翔,满目目的地游荡。耳边听见的是风扇的转动声和外面的电视节目,但如果仔细听,会听见更悦耳的鸟叫声。想法,其实和声音一样,会有无数个同时出现,但能留意的不多。而就算留意了,也是人主观唯心的想法。当天文学界宣称太阳系有十二颗行星时,天空还是一样寂静;当历史学家为蒙冤的袁世凯平反时,时间还是持续向前。知,真无涯。为什么我们还要穷追呢?或许,只为满足内心的好奇和虚荣。
天地无常,万物有命:生老病死。隔壁患老人痴呆症的婆婆安详終去,人皆欣慰。如果活着是一种痛苦和负累,那么上路未尝不是解脱。活到迟暮之年的人常挂在嘴边的就是:” 做人要 ”化“, 凡事都看开点, 能过一天就一天,生不带来,死不带去。” 消极吗?可能,但也许是一种享受人生的方式。人生,不就是一个过程而已吗?但求途中幸福快乐。
人,应该为自己的碌碌无为羞耻?还是应该懂得珍惜平凡是福?谁不想自己非常精明,从此不用受骗?但如果没有狡猾骗人的人,又哪来这个必要?成熟,是否要以纯朴作为交换的代价?
淅沥哗啦,雨声驱走了我想象的空间。我知道,可以让我用来妄想的时间愈来愈少,当现实生活的残酷像匹逼近的狼来敲门时,我不得不迎面奋击。只是,我会否在过程中也顺势一变成为冷峻的狼?不得而知。这世上存有如此多的诱惑和陷阱,又有谁能担保自己不会一失足成千古恨?
“当种族课题再被挑起,当治安问题每况愈下,当玩伴肥猫日趋老迈,当心中想法愈加老成。。。我还是比较喜欢难得糊涂,宁愿做个大小孩,也不要成为精明虫,宁愿成为老顽童,也不要变成老油条。“
好好体验香港的生活吧!这段经历或许将会是我最后的游园记。。。而这篇也是我离马前最后的疯文。

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

矛盾

 和母亲去爬山的途中遇到以前对面的邻居,以前那个不怒而威的Uncle居然变成和顺的秃头阿伯,完全认不出来,真叫人吃惊。那个Auntie问我有还有和文杰联络吗?他现在在Greentown做工。
 
高中时,发展商把对面的木屋拆了建成现在豪华的半独立洋房,原本对面的邻居全都搬离了。自那以后,我就很少和他联络了。
 
他,是我儿时最要好的同伴,一有空我就跑去他家玩,我们一起骑脚车、放风筝、玩陀螺、集邮、下棋,还和他学养鱼、种菜、赶鸭、拼电板。。。生活上的技能他比我懂得多,力气他比我大得多,我胆怯不敢和父亲开声要买脚车也是由他替我问,那时候内心真的还有点把他当哥哥看待。
 
随着童年的消逝,当大家各分东西在不同的学校读中学时,我感觉到彼此开始有了一点距离。他的成绩不太理想,一直都在差班;而我在优良环境下学习,那些一起搭校车对我的印象就是“读书仔”、“lek 仔”。。。那时候我有曾想过要如何在学习上帮助他,但到后来我意识到其实问题根源在他自己。他总是说自己不聪明,不属于读书的料,没有认真下定决心去碰书本。其实,真正天才的人占多少巴仙?多少人都是以勤补拙的,至少我觉得我是。
 
当大家的话题中少了求学、少了读书,还剩什么呢?童年时的玩意,在忙于读书的同时已成不太可能的消遣,也成不了话题。所以,当他搬离后,我就很少去找他了,不可能让大家沉浸在沉默当中吧。。
 
现在我知道他大约在哪里,我应该去寻找他吗?他在工作,我还在求学,我们会有共同的话题吗?很有冲动想要知道他变成怎样了,过得好不好,只是他会变成怎样了。。。还是,我应该等到我工作后才去找他?那时候的我还有这等闲情吗?现在找他,又害怕沉默;但不去找他,又怕错失时机。
 
我,不应该主动放弃人生中第一段真正的友谊吧?他是我小时候最好的ma yi,我们由小玩到大。。。

无语

叔叔来炫耀女婿考获MBA硕士。
“从香港回来了?”   
“不,还没去。”
“是吗?”
随便,信不信由你,我懒得花心思来反击你。
 
但父亲硬是要我把学生签证拿出来给他看,我抗拒,结果我中弹死亡。“叫你拿不拿,你开始不听话了是不是?” “给人看到,我还有父亲的尊严?” “你是人,我不是人?不用顾及我的感受?” “你这样目中无人,以后出来怎样生存?” “自高自大。。。” 于是,全世界最难以入耳的话开始轰炸。或许,也是最强杀伤力和最无中生有的话。
 
哈哈,笑话,原来这叫做叛逆,而且还会损害他人尊严。我抗拒,因为我讨厌炫耀,即使是拿出来证明了,反击了,又怎样?别人本来就是来“罗景”的, 又何必理会?但父亲的性格和我天差地远。“人不犯我,我不犯人;人一犯我,十倍奉还。” 哎,为什么?何苦?我不懂也不想去懂,因为这不是我要的性格。
 
战火开始展开,火势开始蔓延,火焰毫无理智地扑向母亲和姐姐,可以让我逃出生天的只有海阔天空的胸怀以及和母亲、姐姐之间的相互诉苦和了解。原来,我第二次的醒觉真的没有错。
“你最小,不要反抗罗,最好乖乖听话了。。”
“没办法,只是,父亲到底想怎样?他懂不懂这样子几乎所有都要听他的会养成一个傻傻的呆头鸟?” 苦笑,我有我主见。
 
让我彻底失望的是父亲把家里变成商场竞争,一刻不能松懈。啊,生活难道不可以简单一点?轻松快乐享受一下生活不好么?就好比戴眼镜久了,适时拿下来纾解鼻梁上和眼角下的压力不好么?暂时让视线模糊又如何?人,难道真的需要每时每刻都活得清清楚楚吗?难不成真要我想对老板般似的千依百顺叫声“老板父亲大人”才满意么?抱歉,回家我不想活得这样累。
 
不说话=没主见;想说话=被打断再一句你先听我讲;说错话=踩炸弹以后随时引爆。如果交流=单方面的炮弹输送,自由=符合某人主观意愿的才准做“,我不想要这样的交流和自由。如果对外表面的尊严和体面还比父子之间了解交流彼此想法更重要,我会开始走向失望的边缘。
 
母亲选择忍受,姐姐选择叛走,亲戚选择挑衅,我选择“虚无”。
“这几天你要做忍者了。。。” “这次死得真冤,忍者?忍十分钟也辛苦,我还是精神出游比较好了。”
炫耀由他,笑骂由人,闲云野鹤,心静自凉。今朝有乐须懂享,何苦只愁他朝事?人生得意须尽欢,莫让烦事折人老。 

Hall FOC

因为回去拿文件,所以顺便参加了FOC。当看到去年的新生领着今年的新生时,我知道这象征着什么。不经意间常以“老人”自称,尽管我才22岁。但作为前年的新生,想起曾有过的两年经历,难免会觉得少许老。幸好的是心境没有比去年老,或许这是值得欣慰的事?不过明年吧,应该不会回去做最老的老人了。
 
把一些东西放在Adrian房,遇到一些hall mates,谈起了hall FOC。原来我们那年是“Rebel” batch,从没想到会这样被形容,虽然不觉得意外。不过也好,至少证明了我当初没有进一步参加宿舍活动的决定是正确的。
 
和那位冷酷的前JCRC主席宣称的“美好宿舍生活”不一样,通过FOC反而感受到的是政治性和block-partitioned的Hall。我的组员都很好很棒,团结又有默契,只是问题在于。。。和JCRC block相比,仿佛block 52是低一等。有怎样的领导人,有怎样的环境和制度。严峻、死板和不近人情通过initiation night完全展示出来。
 
通宵一整晚对体能、耐力、忍力和适应力的挑战其实没什么,如果气氛好默契购,再苦也是挺好玩。问题在于某些programmer的态度:居然比军队司令更嚣张严肃。“你们在吱喳什么?” “再给我听到什么,我要每人star jump 30次!” “再不听话休想过我这关。” 我究竟是营员还是被劳役者? Do we pay to get torture?如果连受过军训两年的新加坡朋友都不能忍受那种态度,我不觉得我忍受不了有什么问题。
 
后来,有人受伤,有人要退出,全部人不爽,GL左右为难放声哭泣,就只因为“态度”。虽然大家勉强继续,但肚里已有股怨气。连续八小时的体能消耗,终于熬到了凌晨六点。居然还要扛木从SRC跑回Hall 10,好,最后的苦差,我忍。但最令人愤怒的是明明到了Hall 10,那个混蛋主席居然还要绕道从GH跑回来。彻底对此人反感。不懂得这些人搞initiaition的目的究竟是什么,到底是要炫耀作为senior的权威还是要获得驱使他人的快乐?
 
扛木擦伤的肩膀,用一个星期才痊愈;爬臭泥弄脏的裤子,洗半年都不退味;过中烙下的记忆,相信毕生难忘。幸好这一切不会再重演。我那年已是最后一年,因为我们的“rebellion”, 现在的programmer的态度已经从“强制命令”改去“指引鼓励”,改得好!只可惜。。。

Friday, July 14, 2006

快乐

耶,终于回到了一个不需要用龟速抑或分秒都算钱上网的地方,至少思绪也可以在键盘上停留久一些。

最近出了一个什么城市快乐指数,享受着繁华经济的新加坡人居然排在全亚洲的最后,而全球老大美国更在其之后。不管这个抽样调查的排行榜的合理性有多高,它揭示了所谓的 “快乐” 往往与物质无关。如果要谈享受和舒适,毕竟发展国家比落后国家好很多,但那些贫穷国家的人民却更容易觉得快乐,只因快乐是一种心境。

拥有得多,自然渴望得越多,当我们把眼睛都放在欲望上面时,就容易忘记身处的幸福。要认知这一点并不难,但人是欲望的动物,要克制很难。其实我们已经是最幸福的一代,从小就被呵护长大,免受厉害疾病的侵袭,不用担忧经济的来源,要风得风,要雨得雨。慢慢地,很多东西譬如车子、房子、手提、娱乐、电脑、网络、旅游、相机、保险已经成了城市生活的“必需品”。我们就这样迷失在物质的追逐之中,勤劳地学习、忙碌地工作、拼命地向上、尽量地贷款,生活压力大得我们连抬头欣赏一下明亮天空的心情都没有。

不是说我们应该放弃所有这些的追求,只是我们少了一点什么。我们在物质上会有无比的享受,但作为代价在精神上我们同时也承受残酷的压力,如果这是上帝给你的一个选择,你会选择何者?我们要有这样的享受,自然要付出代价;而既然付出了代价,就应该珍惜这样的享受。能在假期时去走走逛逛,不是正在为生存打拼的人可以享受的福气;交通方便凡事有机械代步,不是住在接近封锁地区的人所能渴望的。

我们说农村生活比较快乐,但如果把城市人放在农村,可能很多人也不懂得到底快乐在哪里。我们缺少的是一种心态。凡事有代价,有得必有失。从小到大,我们被教会很多知识、技能,但很少被教导心智教育。或许,这不叫心智教育这么简单?而是到达哲学高度的思考?所以没有统一最好的答案?人,为追求快乐而活。但什么叫快乐?相交于西方现代的想法,可能东方传统思考更能解答这问题。

而现在的我,快乐吗?应该说我没有任何不快乐的理由,但如果真要回答这个问题,可能会失去了问这个问题的意义,因为需要翻阅过去的快乐和不快乐来做判断。

快乐是自找的,烦恼也是。

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

变化

久没驾驶判断失准,开车转弯扫到柱子。惨!又闯祸。逃不了,必然遭受父亲的严厉苛责。回来后难得玩电玩游戏疯狂了一下,再加上赶着回没有替他洗照片,三错齐犯,几乎给骂到五雷轰顶。我真的很想说我已经很久没玩了,想回家偷懒一下;但我知道任何理由都只会被当成借口。错误一旦犯了就是犯了,怎么样也不可能从他的记录簿中洗掉。

被骂是预料中事,但这一次有点受不了,可能是因为被骂得太凶了。(如果让他知道遗失手提电脑的事,大概我已经一命呜呼)联想起家里的那条小黑狗,当它犯错时你打它几下它无所谓,但要是你恨铁不成钢地重重地打,它受不住的时候也会反咬你一口。明明是自己错,为什么要反咬一口呢?还有它怕打雷冲门进的习惯,至今我也搞不懂是否是当初父亲出手太重导致的。

一直以来,我都是以无所谓的态度来承受,不反驳、不解释、不回答、只点头,但为何这一次我的情绪被挑动了起来?为什么这时的我有点象黑狗?也许是因为心里有了渴望,希望声音被聆听达到两方面的有效交流,而不是接受单方面的高压训导。

被骂后姐姐和我谈了一下,我察觉内心有些想法已经开始起了微妙的变化。原来小时候竟然有那么一件事,才导致她曾经的叛逆。我没有选择叛逆,而是选择无所谓,好久没经历这种虚无的感觉了。有好一段時間我性格的選擇是往父親的反方向走。父親標榜自己不喜歡說話卻總是天南地北,讓我覺得聆聽和沉默更可貴;隨時怒火上升讓我討厭生別人氣的感覺。

以前的无所谓是逼不得已的逃避;现在如果我再要选择无所谓,是因为我才是自己的主人。诚然我的失误让父亲有点痛心疾首,但管中窥豹仅能推敲出部分的现实,仅仅从这些事怎能盖棺定论了?小事做不好大事就做不了只是一种说法,每个人有不同的强处,我记得还有小事糊涂的丞相吕蒙正。

父親優點很多,但也不是圣人全無缺點。性格陽剛鮮明的他優點非常好,不好的地方也很明顯,或許這是錢幣的兩面?果斷有主見但難免有時過于以自我中心,思慮縝密但有時猜疑心過重。年少時的一件事至今仍有印象:勸父親戒煙竟然被反罵一頓,說長年累月的習慣豈是瞬間就改得了,后來突然戒煙了反倒說自己要戒就戒有定力。

不過,怎么樣都好,如果要叛逆,我早已過了叛逆的年齡。觀察父親的缺點不是為了苛責,而是內自省。如果真要比較,我的缺點更多;但任何人都不是圣人,不能把別人的錯誤一直放大來看,這樣會讓別人辛苦。無可避免的想法,我可不想標榜自己為孝子,內心卻另生歪意。

這一連串事情,帶來了很多新的啟發。我和姐姐打趣說:要是我們各自都用這樣的方式管教孩子,恐怕。。。缺點就不學了,優點太多學不完了。無論怎么樣,身上很多道德和原則都是由父親塑造和陶冶的,正面或負面,影響我最多的還是另我敬畏的父親。

Thursday, June 15, 2006

DIP

Thought of won't have enough time to pack stuffs but end up have some free time before 7pm. It's time to wrap up on DIP, so many things wish to write down.  It's truely an amazing experience, starting from nothing and go all the way to become the champion.
 
When I first heard the word 'DIP' (Design Innovative Project), it comed with a little bit of doubt and worry. What's that all about? How to start? Choosing by project title or by supervisor? Work in big group of at least 20 people? Really hard to imagine and a lot of things to worry. What if I get inside a stupid group consists of all typical lazy labmates? Terrible. What if I join a group with some arrogant people who can only talk but contribute nothing? Too bad. What if I meet another bias unfriendly professor like the one I met in UROP? Let me go to hell then.
 
I think many friends share the same worry, hence to safeguard ourselves, I decided to pull all MSA people to form a huge group. It may seem losing a chance to make new friend but nonetheless it still worth. Tried my best to inform and include all in, except for a couple that I purposely left out. (Luckily most of us don't know who are them, haha). It's already 21 people, and after add-in hong yap (how lucky we have him as our great musician?), royston (how lucky we have him as our great presentor?), vinh (how lucky we have him as our beloved programming god?) and yip kuan (too bad he's the one I don't know from MSA and joined FOC before, haha), a group of 25 has been formed under our nice supervisor prof Goh.
 
Since the group was formed, I was relieved and wished I could contribute ideas behind instead of became the leader. I was really unsure about whether I have the time to be fully commited into this and lead the group well during holiday. And I hate the feeling of not getting my responsiblites done, hate of having many tasks, can't focus in one and in the end not giving out my best in both sides. It ruins my self-principle and I will feel guilty for sure. Perhaps I prefer to become idea contribution rather than decision maker too. But no one supported me. (If you don't want to become the leader, why you form the group? Just for the sake of repelling anxiety?) Even christopher who said will stand at my side also "betrayed" me, what could I ask from others? Sigh~ Just hope in that time nothing special will happen. And very lucky they've chosen ming yian as assistant leader (co-leader).
 
Following advices from seniors, I've opt to select projects based on supervisor instead of the content of the project. You can learn things in any projects provided your supervisor is good but the reverse is not true. So sent email to few "good" professors (good in supervising) and requested for title. After much debating and involvement from members, we've decided to choose prof Goh's project - interactive music learning software. Sadly to say it's pure computing whereby it's a general bomb that most of us want to avoid, but it may serve as a platform to overcome this barrier as well, looking from the other perspective. Worked hard on initial information gathering and proposal writing, and finally we got it approved and everything was fixed.
 
First task: grouping. It's always an headache stuff to do. Since it's a huge group of 25, you need to group into small groups with lesser number of people. But you can't just add in some meaningless group with no clear tasks and timeline. Moreover, you don't know how the projet work and be sure of what buidling blocks are  needed. (Though our supervisor is really good, nice and friendly; she's not expert in computing field and she could only give us advice on music) The initial grouping before DIP started was OK and there were more fields involved and we need to research on it.
 
During that period, we met one guy selling a similar product and he told us that their software took about one and a half year to complete. Oh gosh!!! Suddenly felt the future of our project was at stake, could we come out with a software within the short 4 weeks time? We aren't professional software developers, we don't know any programming other than the basic C, we aren't familiar with linking software together and other stuff. When we went to consult wei han (CE expert) and asked about it, he just flashed me many many things that took me a lot of time to comprehend the ideas. Can we really do it?
 
Then came the hectic preparation for exams. Holiday (suppose it should be). DIP started. Before the day of orientation, I was wondering how to regroup our members? This time would be the more important one but I couldn't have an ideal ideas. Just couldn't think of it. So discussed with ming yian on that day and finally came out with the first stage grouping into six groups: music, vb, score sheet, blinking keyboard, tempo games and keyboard interfacing. It's a huge decision to drop out MATLAB from our project. Prof Goh always emphasize on its usage in future. But sadly to develop GUI I really don't know what MATLAB can help us. And perhaps it was a mistake to separate a group specially for visual basic. My initial idea was to let them explore the depth of VB, master it and teach us all so as to save time. But I underestimes something. It wasn't easy for anyone to pick up a language in such a short time, so forget about sharing and teaching. Impossible.

I was in the keyboard interfacing group, to buy the keyboard and link it to the computer. After decided to buy the YAMAHA keyboard, we were so excited and waiting for its arrival. But one thing was out of control: the difficulty in raising purchase order and money claiming. I never thought that money claiming was that difficult, later even boon keat 's claiming on photostat fees was initially rejected. Ya, I understand there should a proper control on this but then it seemed not to be reason. Our group in the next door spent 10k to buy a telescope. Our budget was allocated $200 per head. By right, the project can spent up to 25X$200 = $5,000 and we only spent 10% of it to buy the keyboard. If you want to control the budget that tightly, what for you allocated so much money for each project? What the hell tiny photostat fees can't claimed by petty cash? I really can't understand that. Perhaps I should thanks the "brilliant" lab assitant Ms.Wee for making us this trouble. A lab assistant whom wasn't assisting. But one thing I learned from this: When it was about money, the world changed. 

Before the arrival of keyboard, we had nothing much can do except reading the MIDI specification and preparing to hook it up. I started understand MIDI but were still wondering how to use computer to call out the MIDI sound? Should we use another synthesizer program? Then why those online games of small size can produce the sound out? Maybe it's been embedded inside Windows sound system? How to call it out? After vinh discovered that VB can call both .wav & .mid together, I asked hong yap to produce a set of .mid sounds. But it turned out so easy in the end. The MIDI specification was actually defined inside Windows and vinh found inside one book that we could simply call it out by some defined functions. "How computer produce basic sound?" The question that has hauntered me from the beginning was finally answered. No need sound generator program, no need external synthesizer, we just need VB. How nice! 

Hence it comed to the second question: how to get the MIDI message from the keyboard and decode it properly? I know these messages will be sent to USB port of the computer but then how to collect data from there? USB itself is also a specification...so do we need to study about it? No idea. But vinh once again proved his resourcefulness. By using VB6, he had written some code to capture the messages. A disastrous problem - the incompatibility of source code between VB6 and VB 2005 emerged. "One day one problem" (quoted from vinh), after solving the "delegate "address of" and "garbage collection", finally keyboard interfacing was done in 2 days. A real surprise. It was done by using VB. So no need worry about linking different softwares together. Initially we thought we need MATLAB to capture the messages. 

Suddenly I realised something. While sending the MIDI message to computer, the keyboard still producing sound. I laughed. It was different from what I was told by a "professional" guy in Brah Basah. He said once the keyboard linked to the computer using MIDI-USB cable,the keyboard itself won't produce any sound, all sounds came out from computer. If you need both sounds, you need a rather new technology called fire-wyre cable. (Of course that cost a lot more!Ooops, money again) By reviewing all the events, I concluded that actually that guy didn't really know what we mean at that time and he just simply "rounded" it by using his technical knowledge on hardware. Ah, real life dilemma...this problem will be faced over and over again in future. 

Yeah, the project seemed on the right track now and...I had nothing to do. Our group was "dissolved" unofficially. Since everything now was done by using VB and everyone was learning VB, so I should pick up VB. I went through online tutorials but found it a bit "dull" and time -consuming. Red some book as well but found it too hard to understand. Hence I decided to learned from start writing code even though I know nothing of it. What are those basic codes that I must know? And I started to think what I want to do in VB, explored, seeked help from others and then implemented it. But I still lagged too much behind. Totally couldn't understand the backbone of main program. What else can I do except stay back to study the code and program flow? By rewriting it, I somehow became more familiar with VB and the program itself. And by browsing all the properties of the picturebox, I found one effect that can make the keyboard looked 3D when it's pressed down, which was what they wanted to do before. I may not be intelligent as others but through hardwork, I still can found something that they missed and contributed to the whole project. A bit of self-satisfaction and confidence was building up, hurray! 

It's already third week. We need to submit a project summary. Sick of writing, hence I decided not to join the proposal writing team (ming yian, agnes, christopher) but continued my VB programming. But everyone need to help them review some websites. I revisted happynote , played some games and decided to come out with a similar game on "ear listening". I started by creating some note pictures using Macromedia fireworks (but I think I really don't have talent in designing, all my preferences in color, shape and etc were often laughed by others. Sigh~) Really thanks to chi and vinh for helping me in writing the code and debugging. Other groups were also rushing to finish all the stages: score sheets' painting, gif generation , text input, theories' explanation... so I help out in finishing too. OT 3 nites, 1 for painting the score sheets, 1 for inputing the text files, 1 for learning Macromedia flash from yew meng. It's mainly all repetitive and tedious work. In the fourth week, I spent another nite to modify the resources to current path. Vinh said:"You are very good in manual work." Should I take this as compliment? Haha. Just hope by doing these won't make me even dull. 

The fourth week was a challenging week. Problems emerged when we tried to combine all stages together. Unknown bug and crashes and in-synchronization of both inputs. Vinh and chi took care of the debugging and features add-in while I worked on to solve the in-shynchronization. It's purely disheartening problem. It made me feel so bad that our project was gone. We should throw it into rubbish bin. No way it serves as a learning tool when it can't even show the demo correctly. Sigh...after 3 weeks of hardwork...how cruel! Why we didn't face this problem from the beginning ? Shall I say this was fortune or misfortune? 

But anyhow, problem still need to be solved. After being moodless in daytime, I started to tackle the problem in night by vary different aspects in gif files: size, movement, frames per second and tempo. Why the timing information contained in gif using different frames per second was different? Why did this difference (conversion error) only become significant starting from stage 3 onwards? Something must have to be dealed with the tempo that we used. Ya. After converting stage 3 songs using stage 1 tempo by default frames per second, the song suddenly became much more synchronized. It was a saving moment! And I can't control myself to yell loudly. Yes! Our project still had value and no need to be throwed into bin. The next thing need to be done was to redo all the gif files but somehow I got a quite irrating response from someone. It seemed like my fault to discover this problem so late and hence gave a lot more of works for someone to do in the last minute. Somehow I became the creator of this problem on purpose. Well, yes, you had work hard in previous week, I acknowledged it. But it shouldn't be an excuse to try to avoid continue working hard and show "face color" to me. Certainly you don't know what's the difference of just getting your own job done and spirit of teamwork. This event made me feel reluctant to separate work for their group to do. I would feel bad if I was to endure someone's "face color" without any logic just for the sake of getting jobs done. I rather spent extra time to do it myself. Luckily I still had ming yian's help on it. Almost everyone was doing their own individual presentation and report but I couldn't find any time to do it. So as ming yian, chi, vinh and some other else. It was the last concern. 

Initially we wish to open the chance for everyone to represent us in monday's presentation but the responses were cold. Perhaps what Christopher said was correct: most of us just want to avoid it. Well, if that was the case, no point choosing our presentor based on friday's individual performance. And really thanks to chi & christopher's advice, it would be too late if we chose the presentors by friday. Hence, from nomination, we had appointed agnes, royston and hong yap as our presentors. Christopher and I worked on the presentation flow and then passed to them to decide and refine. Had one rehearsal in friday and it wasn't that smooth and many people had opinions on it. It may seemed discouraging for the presentors but this wasn't the entire point. The objective of rehearsal was to gain feedback on contents and the flow. The smoothness and styles only came after practices and practices. 

Perhaps many people misunderstood good presentors are those who can talk genuiely without any preparation. Good verbal language command is only the basic requirement. To do a good presentation, you need to take care of every aspects: contents, flow, tone, speed, time, expression, gesturs and ec-cetera. And all of these differ from one presentation to another. You need many practices to make your presentation natural and fluent. In short, all good presentation came from practices and anyone can became good presentor if he/she keep practice. How many times? Many many times until you're really familiar with the content since you had so many aspects to take care. How to practice? Practice as if you were in the presentation. Don't memorize words but think carefully about the contents: what you really want to say and how are you going to convey it clearly? Seperate the contents into blocks and memorize the flow. 

So our presentors had a second time rehearsal in saturday. It was much better. Looking forward for monday's one. But me and ming yian had another thing to worry. How about the Q&A sections? We talked about it and decided we both take care of general questions, and group leaders/ other in the same group answered those questions related to their group. Finally I had some free time to prepare my presentation in Sunday. First I put all the contents that I wanted to say and then started speaking it out verbally. Too much contents! Too long! Around 10 minutes. Hence I decided to cut those less impressive one. But still too long! Around 7 minutes. After practices block by block, I started to avoid using repetitive or meaningless words and control it within 6 minutes. A bit better but my tounge was already tired, hence began to do the layout and design of presentaion slides. Decided to do a quick summary on the whole progress and spent almost 2 hours to do the animations. And again, it's more towards manual work.

Monday was the preliminary round of DIP project. Our group was the second group to present at around 930am. Our presentors really did a terrific job and i thought the judges were quite impressed. Just a bit mess-up in Q&A sections. First was the wrong target of customers by hong yap, followed by overly defensive answer by ming yian. Ming yian knowed that as well and just hope that next time she can learn from this.But in overall we did it quite well and I was pretty confident that our presentation was among the best. When the judges left, everyone was relieved and started to enjoy before individual presentation in the evening. Finally I could concentrated on playing street fighter alpha 2. Come come come! (although I am pretty lousy in playing it) 

It was always good to see how others present and try to learn what you missing. All of our group members were quite calm and could present their ideas clearly. (quoted from prof Goh) Certainly , it could had been the best compliment for the whole group. Besides this, I received some compliment from friends as well, which of course made me feel quite happy and worth spending time on preparing this. (Self-talking was always my strength, haha). A great news came during li lian's presentation that sent us roared, our DIP project had successfully entered the final! Woohoo! Finally all our hardwork were rewarded. Although we had only one and one software, technically wise we were less impressive but our preparation, presentation and team-work were among the best. 

But that means another few days of OT...was pretty tired. The problem was that I wasn't pretty sure about how would the final go. How they judged? Based on presentation? Booth? or what? Luckily I remembered Ai Mei said before that her group entered final last year, hence I seeked her help through msn. I started to understand more about the flow and I predicted that it still weighed heavily on presentation. But yet again, a tough brainstorm on grouping. After many indecisive moments and doubts, We had regroup into few: marketing group, P&P group, book manuals group, presentors and programmer(only one=vinh). Certainly it was a mistake to include only 9 people in marketing group. Initially I wished to put 11-14 people to it but I chose to follow others' idea. They said too many peoples. If I knowed that they didn't understand why so many people were needed at the first time, I would stick on to my original idea based on what I saw from NTU business plan competition. But anyway, the marketing group still did an impressive job. Really thanks yean ching's group's efforts on it. But I did feel a bit sorry by not joining the marketing group. Part of the reason was that I know it would be tough, and I feeled quite exhausted at that time. I doubted myself wouldn't be able to contribute much to the writing of the plan while I still need to coordinate other stuffs. Perhaps it was an excuse. Perhaps I still feel a bit sick of vomiting out those kind of paper works. Anyway, that didn't mean I had nothing to do in P&P group (though considerably lesser).

Soon, I encountered another disheartening problem, lagging effect of gif files in laptop. Well, once again score sheets and keyboard didn't synchronized. Despair. It turned out that our way of developing this software was pretty primitive and resources occupying. A laptop that could run warcraftIII and heroes v couldn't run our i-MuLe smoothly. What a terrible joke! I never knowed that the computers we used to develop this software had 2GB of RAM. This was the second time I feeled that our project was a totally rubbish. Sigh~ But we still had one formal presentation to show. Die die we must found one supercomputer to demonstrate our software. Just hope that someone's computer can run it. But our hope was pretty dim. An inner voice came out from my heart, said that: To enter final was the maximum height that our project could achieved. We couldn't asked more from this. 

Technically, our project was only software. Innovatively, there were so many competitors around globally. Somemore it could only worked in high performance computer? Well, it's time to end. We should be glad that we entered the final. Let's enjoy what others were doing in the final. Prof Goh said that the white light LED group was quite impressive, their idea was good and had a huge range of application. Ya, they even set up the booth the day before the final. How could we compare? But luck somehow standed on our side. On the next day, the very good lab assistant ming ling asked us whether we need a lab computer in the final. At least one supercomputer found. It was pure luck. Imagine if another lab assistant mentioned before was not on leave, she won't allow us to borrow the lab computer. How you could explain this except fortune? And we combined another two supercomputers using chakhon's and litting's for demonstation at booth. 

The day had come and we were still rushing everything especially the book manuals and cd covers. We were less impressive than other booths with a lot of machines and robots. What we had were only 2 computers and some fliers. All other team weared so formally and we just weared casually. Perhaps almost all of our group members noticed the differences. No expectation. No pressure. Good also. The judges started visiting the booth and I've tried my best to demonstrate our program. Frankly I didn't have much time prepare on it but luckily I understood how the program work clearly and some key points of our marketing plan. Thier responses? Not too bad I assumed. But I still believed that we won't have the chance to win. 

Just a moment later, my belief started to shake. The first group's presentation was not impressive. They seemed unprepared for it and what a shame the mouse controller didn't even know where to click the full slide show. And they were like introducing us the concepts of the products rather than the products itself. Were they doing an overview? In contrast, we did a terrific presentation. All our presentors were steady, fluent and good. We showed our team-spirit in Q&A section and our acknowledgement touched some of our group members. Then it followed by a boastful and aggressive presentation by a team worked on medical application. Disgusting. They should only focus on their product. Only cheap judges will be impressed by their ill-manners. And if they thought those people who attained professors status would be that cheap, that proved how "moronic" were them. The last 3 groups' presentation were quite good especially the fifth one. But I feeled many parts could be improved. It's general problem to explain technical information to audience. You just couldn't flash all the details and expect the audiences would understand. Even if the professors understand they wouldn't think that these were good presentations. Should find some way to keep it interesting while still maintaining the technical level of the presentation. That's hard but that's critical. But anyway, that's only for presentation. I didn't know how the judges judged, surely it's not based on it entirely. 

Because of our low expectation, we feel extremely high when we heard other groups' names announced round by round. Final 5, Final 4, Final 3, Final 2, one more one more! And the second prize went to E011 White Light LED! Yes! We were the champion! None of us expected this and perhaps none of the participants expected this. We were the black horses. Haha. So sorry for the LED group. Technically, they were a lot better than us. Why the judges preferred our project more than theirs? Maybe because of the 7-years to recover the cost made them failed. The reason still remained a mystery. But anyway we had got the best, thanks to all people. It was an amazing experience thorougly and certainly it was one of the most excited moments in our life. 

We really started from nothing, went all along the way ourselves towards the fantastic end. I knowed other groups may had put in a lot of hardwork in their projects as well but certainly all of our members feel we were deserved to be champion just by the great efforts that we had put in. But anyway, that was just what we feeled. Still, it was just a name. A fictitious name of "champion". Just like the fictitious name of "leader". After a shortwhile, everyone will forget about it. What still keeped inside memory were all the processes and experiences. What people couldn't take off from you are what you had learned. Needless to be boastful and we should be more careful about our words when we are in this situation. 

Someone said:"Haha too bad ah cho didn't join us. If he joined us he would be part of the champion team." That certainly wasn't the truth. I remembered that he couldn't join us because he promised his other team earlier. And I believed he enjoyed his experience pretty much. We shouldn't judge someone's action by the outcome. If we don't had the luck, could we win? And if we failed, would people said the same thing to our project? Perhaps not. I could imagine at that time our project maybe viewed as a rubbish. But it doesn't matter. It's the process and the experience that matter. What we should do and can do is to judge ourselves. We couldn't judge others properly as we weren't them. Vice-versa. 

Thank you all. Thanks our superb nice and friendly prof Goh, ming-yian (the co-leader that is even more persevere and resilient than me), all subgroup leaders who did a brilliant job (royston, lee kim, chak hon, eddie, agnes, chi, yean ching), our great presentor trio (agnes, royston and hongyap), musician hong yap, programming god vinh, semi-god chi & boonkeat, editors christopher & wenkeat, graphic designers cher huat & choy kien, lively castle drawer ah bee, the hammer and sheep couple litting and lilian, flash king chee how, maple king chee voon , hard-working music group, score sheets group, tempo group and all the very good lab assitants. 

Thorough the project, I had really learned a lot of things and gained many insights. And I would keep all the compliments as my future motivation. 

Steady! Ha ha!

Friday, June 2, 2006

累。DIP开始以来的第五个晚上,或许还有明天和后天。然后,一切完结。
累,但不喊累。这是一种态度。这样就喊累,做工岂不要叫苦?
累,但不埋怨。别人可以向我埋怨,但我可以向谁埋怨呢?不埋怨,也是一种态度。有事埋怨,只有三种可能:一是为了表达不满,二是为了显示功劳,三是为了逃避工作。
如果为了表达不满,坦白直率比暗地埋怨更有用。即使是直接埋怨,其效果又能好得去哪里?埋怨不是偶尔的牢骚,埋怨的一方之所以选择埋怨,就不是为了要解决问题的。
如果为了显示功劳,埋怨的人有点蠢。如果他人是聪明的,你不需要埋怨他也懂得你的功劳,你埋怨反而增加他对你用意的怀疑。如果他人是糊涂的,你即使再埋怨他也不会把你说的当真,你埋怨只会被人反埋怨。
如果为了逃避工作,埋怨或许可以换来一时的逃避,但失去的肯定更多。不能预见逃避辛勤的人在以后会有什么后果。
学习放下自己的埋怨,学习接受别人的意见,更是一种态度。

by TemplatesForYouTFY
SoSuechtig, Burajiru