@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Welcome! 欢迎!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Welcome to my virtual home. This is a little private space for me to put my thoughts and share my feelings since 2005. Due to my wide range of interests, there are perhaps too many tags. I would explain some of the less obvious tags:

"About Life" is really about how I have been pondering about life and what enlightenments and paradigm shifts I had experienced.

"About Psi" contains most topics about happiness, optimism vs pessimism,
confidence, comparison, pride and prejudice and other psychological aspects.

"About Logical Thinking" is about my own way of interpretating and explaining
certain issues, aiming to debunk (or create?) superficialness of them.

"About Ideology" is about my thoughts on big concepts like freedom, justice,
fairness in society and religion.

"About Society" is more about my observations about the society, often through interactions with different peoples.

"My Country" reveals my frustration, critics and hope
on my homeland - Malaysia.

"My Little Pieces" has more short posts though mostly are written in Mandarin.

While I do have some posts on book reviews and business, I am planning to
separate them into author-specific and content-specific blogs. Stay tuned.

Enjoy your reading!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Past moments of 2007 captured by photos~


Suddenly found back my hp-USB connector which finally allows me to transfer photo. It has been half a year since my last transferring of photos.

This was my room when I first got it. Totally in mess and with an odd indian-curry-flavour odour left by previous vietnamese (strangely, not indian).

It took me half a day to clean it and few days for the odour to disappear.


And then school started, we become a full time student again where we have to go for lectures again. Inevitably, sleeping inside lectures is unavoidable, especially for eddie (and me of course). But someone even fell asleep when he was studying inside TV lounge.


The most famous subject of course would be the stupid "HRM" taught by the legendary XXXX MH, in which 3AUs is equivalent to 10AUs.
But even in this subject, there would be some people who dare to sleep during the lecture (of course including me).




Luckily I got good team members for this tough subject, if not I would have tears in my eye. ^^








Canteen B, as in any other normal school days, remain "CROWDED"!





Despite that we are final year students, the eldest group of undergraduate and by right the busiest group, under the call-up from Ah-B and led by CCC, we as a bunch of idiots still managed to perform a small sketch for Merdeka night. Bravo!








Occasionally we would go gym to build up our body. Eddie had been amazing in building up his upper body, and weiwah had go gym that often until he's crowned the "Gym King".



The contest between me and wei wah is not yet over but right now both of us has not been at gym for quite a long time...@.@








And this was the exact view when I was training my upper chest in SRC gym room. I think it's just simply breathtaking and refreshing.












Sometimes we went out to have good food, sometimes we cook it.












When finally we had finished the whole semester, buffet is a must in holiday.













But when it comes to celebrating the end of the year, we chose to have steamboat instead of going out, because outside would be very very crowded.















As usual, we couldn't finish all the food that we bought and we had to cook for the next two meals the next day to avoid wasting the food, but luckily we got a hotdog specialist AhGoh.












2007 wasn't really a year for me, but in spite of all the struggles and negatives, my life was never lack of good moments. Hope I could achieve more in 2008. There is always light and miracle in our life, if we are calm, open and intelligent enough to observe it.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Cry Away 2007

I accidentally nearly sprain my right ankle in a long long basketball evening and had ran so much until my thighs feel painful. I am so tired that I really want to rest but couldn't find a sleeping posture that could let my thighs feel less stretched.

Suddenly some past events in 2007 flashed in my mind and my emotions went so intense that I couldn't not stop tears from rushing out. 2007 was full of regrets. I've made so many mistakes and I've got most of my major decisions wrong. I allowed too much room for myself to fool around and made myself as dumb as any idiot with stupid awareness.

I've lost my discipline in making decision, keeping promise and keeping punctuality. I've lost my independent critical thinking. I've lost my hard-working spirit. I've lost my desire to change. I've threw away all my strengths without gaining much except regrets. I felt so useless as a person looking back what I've did for the past 1 year. Why had I turned myself into such people?

Am I really what I am now? Am I suppose to be what I am now? Do I know what am I doing now? Perhaps I chose to live a bit different in 2007 but it turned out to be really really painful for me. I shall not have another regret. I shall not let my mind become rusty again. I shall force my spirit back and prove myself to be a much better person in 2008 as compared to 2007.

If I fail to do so, I know the ghost of 2007 will continue haunts me and I will live in a shadow of my past. "If a person fell, he would either stand again or fail to stand again forever."

I must win this battle, at all cost.

Friday, December 28, 2007

The end of a path is the beginning of another.

Suddenly I feel sentimental and want to write something again, so I open this while keeping my 1st blog site frozen, still. Perhaps it would be frozen forever.

Last sem's results were released in "early" morning yesterday and me, Chris, Joeku and Guowei celebrated together. We forced each other to drink one shot of whisky (by Chris) for each cumulative 3 losses in bridge game. Great entertainment. And now Chris is down and half-dead, @.@. Funny. This was the first time that I really "celebrated" the release of results throughout my university life, and perhaps it gonna be the last time, or the second last time.

Now it's time to shift the focus back to the results and ruminate. My results aren't really good. By far this is actually the worst results of all semesters. I should have done better for both technical subjects, particularly the 4341, if not for the terrible mistakes that I had ever made. "It was an easy paper and I screwed it up! I know how to do and yet I screwed it up!!" To screw up a difficult paper is ok because most of the people do, but to screw a an easy paper, haha, it's just disastrous. I can still recall how disheartened were I after that exam.

Yet, these results are acceptable. Looking back into struggles that I had suffered along that semester both physically and mentally, I couldn't complain much, or rather, I should breathe out my relief heavily. That was the first time I let worry overrun me. --> That was the first time I've lost my motivation for study. --> That was the first time I didn't have enough time to finish the minimum level of revision. And now I had passed the most difficult period in my uni life, shouldn't I cheer for myself? Yes, I've made it!

At the same time, I do feel a bit sad for not having any more chance to prove myself at the top. Am I not good enough? Perhaps I wasn't really good then, it's my own illusion. Anyway I am not working as hard as those who are really going for it, so I don't deserve what they deserve to get also. But since it's over, it does not really matter now, haha.

After 16+ years of studies, I started to feel that I have had enough maybe because I enjoyed too much during INSTEP & IA. But If this kind of feeling sooner or later has to creep in, now it's the right time. What's the purpose of studying after all? It's to gain knowledge and skills to work, to earn your worthiness in the society. Time to prepare for real life and plan my future carefully.

What had university 's education really taught me? Basically nothing really useful except those subjects that's related to my future work. Anyway if I am going to do a job that's not related to my specialization, I need to learn new knowledge again. Ironically, university don't teach how to learn and how to think. With the exposure I had now, I don't really like the way they are teaching Engineering here, it's pretty sucks and useless.

Lecture - Tutorial - Exam. It's all fictitious, where's the practical part? How could one really comprehend and understand what he's learning without hands-on? Of what use to learn it if one don't know where he can apply to? In reality knowledge serves as a tool to produce something, in university knowledge is treated as the objective.

i) Why is there a need for students to memorize formulas? Formulas are created to facilitate problem solving, not created to be memorized. If I know the right formula to be used, why can't I refer to books for the exact term? Why is it fair to compare students by memory power but not understanding power?

ii) Why 100% of the grade comes from exams? Why isn't be balanced up by coursework? Although course work can be copied among friends, exam have it own shortcomings too, why is it fair that students are being evaluated purely on exams, with mock questions that has no practical value?

iii) Why practical hands-on of all subjects in 1 semester is carried out in a "LAB" subject that only weighs as poor as 1 AU?

iv) Why subject overlaps each other until it's like 3rd year subject == 2nd year subject's content + increased difficulty content? Who can remembered things that they learned one year ago for once? No one. So it's relearning process again. Does this really helps understanding or it's a sheer waste of time? We are already at University's level, and hence we should have the capability to understand knowledge. Do we still need foundation build-up? Don't we need concentrated and continuous efforts to comprehend knowledge?

v) Why in University we are still being taught passively? Professors plan the curriculum that students should learn and separate it into modules. Firstly, if the professor is not keep tracking with outside world then the content would be out-dated. Secondly, is this the way how people learn outside? People learn things to solve problems, and we learn things to solve problems in the future. There is big difference in motivation, cumulative insights and understanding in each context. Why can't we be given a simulated problem, figure out the necessary knowledge to learn and learn along the way?

Knowledge segregation by subjects, by time and knowledge feeding, are these really what I wish the University to teach me? I pay that much amount of money to learn that? Do we really need professors to teach or do we need mentors to guide? Has tertiary university system already been twisted by the scale up? Is it really that necessary for everyone? Is the university really supplying what the market demand? God knows.

Ah, I shall not care about this any more. Now I shall begin to prepare for the next phase of my life. I'm no longer a student~ :)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Study & Work

When time comes close to graduation, everyone is getting on their nerves by various job opportunities. Does first job matters? Perhaps it didn't really affect much in this fast changing era, where social mobility is high. But for those who's standing on the cross road, it really matters, as it reflects his/her choice and projected path over the next few years.

What are determining factors of choosing a job? Money, Interest, Environment, Career development and bla bla bla. For an adult who's getting near to live on his own for the rest of his life, money's importantce is getting more and more obvious. Reality is harsh. But how would it affect the pursue of interest? How much compensation is required for the tradeoff? Do we, undergraduates that are getting near to graduate, study just for the sake of future, or for the possiblity of advance into higher level in academy, or for the broader option and social mobility? Is study what you like? Is work what you study? Is work what you like?

Choosing job may seem an exhausting thinking process, but would you rather not be given choices? Compare to those who never have chance to get in ivory tower, undergraduates for sure have a stronger competitive edge over them. But if we mis-turn this edge, we would be in a worse situation than them. Would we?
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If you were to rank important characteristics in teamwork among "Capability", "Communication", "Commitment", how would you do? Which should comes first? Communication or commitment? I could only sure that capability doesn't matter as much as commitment and communication skills.
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Time is never enough, especially in final year. But since it could neither be created nor destroyed, the only thing left to do is time management and proper scheduling. I am not a fans of scheduling since young as I have good memory. But now I am forced to adopt this habit because loading memory need energy. After going through all classes, it's near to exhaustion. This piece of reminder somehow serves as a external pushing force, to fulfil what's planned before. It reminds me of consequences of not following it, things drag and jumble up and turn into mess, rushing this and rushing that, having risk of missing this and missing that. But schedule can never be perfect, if I can follow it for about 80%, I would be quite satisfy. Though in most cases, I extend it till late night to complete, in which, I have to sleep during class to compensate. Is it wise? I really have no idea. Perhaps I would sleep in class also even I got enough sleep. ...

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Thoughts

Happy convocation, bro. Hope you will have a good start.

Is it any psychology theory to explain why human tends to think a lot more during long journey, as both space and times pass by? It is always in such familiar context that I regain my sense of thoughts.

Competition shapes competency, perception shapes reality, am I ready to self deceive myself to believe that - I have enough courage and intelligence to find the path I wish to take?

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Exhausted

Just very very very very very very^10 busy.

Wednesday:
Night - Rehearsal
Midnight - Resume edit
Super midnight - Work on project micro p source code

Thursday:
Morning - Lecture
Evening - Out to Orchard to interview manager
Night - Citibank Recruitment Talk

Today:
Morning - Rush project source code
Afternoon - HRM meeting, only have 10 minutes for lunch, Project assessment.
Evening - Nap 1 hour in i-hub, meet FYP prof for 1 hour.
Night - HRM meeting to work out tutorial 2 questions.

I am already exhausted even without studying core subjects, putting efforts into fyp, design...In the future 2 weeks, 3 CAs are coming, design assgn is going to start, prof comm assignment, hrm report, just don't know when am i going die...couldn't even afford one day in a week for gym, what the ...

Luckily heard something meaningful that has helped me to make decision on not going for bank sector. Hence the rest of talks doesn't seem so attrative that more. Job in bank's just doens't look like going to suit me, and I am not going to force myself to suit in. For me the sacrifice is just too high. It's not just about workload and stress, it's about job nature and politics. Although contents presentated on the talk looked perfectly ok "superficially", there are a lot of things hidden inside. I could smell the fakeness covered in the thick blazer. Ya the MA was great in presentation and seemed like having great working life, but it was also quite obvious he was under tremendous pressure by his boss and colleagues. See how long he had to stand witout grumbling before he presented, if that's called usual business practice, that's so inhuman. See how all the so-called "great colleagues" responded after he finished his speech, there was a hidden frequency in clapping sounds. See how employees responded when the higher level of person came. Ya I can't avoid from the cruel world but I don't want to be in the most cruel environment, unless money can compensate all. At least for me right now, it's still not true.

People says certain amount pressure is good. Yeah, right. But that isn't a justification for being abuse for over-pressure, being in bank sector or in HRM. Yeah there is a lot to learn, but from whom do you usually learn the most? Enemy. So although you learn from him, he's not saviour. No matter how much MH could make me learn in HRM, there is no justification to make a 3AUs subject as heavy as 10 AUs. It's just not fair, and is a abuse of credit system. Many engineering graduates don't want to be in engineering field after this, yeah right. So by this "common sense" is it valid to force everyone to work for this subject much harder than other core subjects? So other professors should just cut-short their courses and give students time to concentrate on this? Yeah, world is not fair and you are not given chance since born. Is that a reason to make you abuse me more? No.

Some people may thank MH for he may "enlighten" them or what, hence all his other actions are justified, hence he is saviour who want to wake people up. Nonsense. All people at high level is master of human psychology, and we are just part of his game. I learnt a lot from him, because he's my enemy. As what he say, this is a war. I guess he would like me to headshot him rather than to thanks him.

Monday, June 18, 2007

视力

纸钞在手一秒钟
声色赶来交朋友
今朝有乐不堪等
明日太远望不见
夜晚宿醉好入梦
梦散酒醒还有夜

船柁在手数十年
风浪已成老相识
现时苦乐看朦胧
安枕无忧享清福
人生好比一场梦
梦好梦坏总得醒

近视,多为青年人所患;
远视,多为老年人所有。

近打河岸

哺育怡保的江河
日夜不停滚滚流动
一波混浊一波贪腐
不堪入目的满江黄
清澈可曾属于过去
清澈会否属于未来

江河两岸的奇树
粗壮高大蔽日遮岸
独对黄黄流污
空摇青青密叶
命运让它于此扎根
从开埠到现在

泥水嚣嚣滑冲
绿树默默挺立
静候琉璃水碧
细瞧朦胧倒影
互为青共向阳
一代又一代

万若漫长的岁月
等来泥河的泛滥
风会把它的种子
吹到翠绿的异地
正如当初的南风
把它吹来此盛开

家中闲梦

听鸟声吱吱,细腻软耳;听雨声滴滴,绵密清心。让发下空空,任思绪悠悠,慵慵懒懒躺床上,迷迷糊糊进梦中。

日前陪母亲去处理公积金的提款申请,柜台服务的马来大姐实在给人留下太深的印象。
“Auntie, ada bawa bou zai (簿仔)?”
“yau sau (右手) tekan”
“Auntie, tangan mahu fong song (放松)”

连发音都丝毫误差,实在“无得弹”,于是投桃报李地赞一个:“Kak pandai bercakap!”美丽的花朵在她的脸上缓缓绽开。

赞,不是因为她是马来人去学粤语,挑起了民族自豪的神经;而是欣喜公务员提高效率,体贴民众。

此种人不可多得,赞要赞出口,而后也值得为文再赞,以示支持。

by TemplatesForYouTFY
SoSuechtig, Burajiru