路弯弯

知道的太多，尤其是知道一些不想知道的事情，其实感觉不太好；看得越清楚，越能看到不想看到的事情，其实心会不舒服。但，这就是人生吧。虚幻的面纱，总会被揭开；乱真的泡沫，总会被刺破。每一段路，有每一段的精彩和失落。前路即将转弯时，无论精彩多么难舍，失落多么真切，转了弯后回头望，其实人事早已全非。回望，徒添无谓的感伤。

宁可别人伤我，不可自己伤人。不计较，才是最大的幸福。

漏防纵恶

夜来忧烦，独自去跑步。
踏步迎风，呼吸心静处。
遥望星云，思绪尽托付。
宇宙万物，惟人世繁复。

我从来就不相信人是绝对的恶，而是可以不断改善的，所以谨记着“恕”；但我也不相信人是绝对的善，只要有作恶的空间或恶欲的诱惑，人就会犯错，所以谨记着“防”。（这是很可悲的，但却是事实，否则社会也不需要法制了。）可惜我这一次漏了。

一对母女由中介领着来看房子，顽皮的幼童趁所有大人不注意时，伸手推破了房东最心爱也是最贵的吉祥物-玉制比丘。我顿时有点慌了，致电房东询问价钱，然后和她们索取赔偿。由于那个中介和我同公司，心想她应该懂得如何处理，而且我也肯定可以通过公司找到她，所以就“放”了她们走。

没想到隔天联系那个中介时，她说她的买家一直没有回电，而她没有其他联系方式。那一刻我的心顿时凉了。完了，我亏大了。果然，在过后的几天里，一切石沉大海。没法子，只好自掏腰包补偿房东，尽管我没有让他知道真相。

当然，我可以告诉他买家玩臭逃债，让他蒙受损失，但一来他们信任我把房子交给我卖，二来东西被摔破了后他们没有给我臭脸看，我实在不愿意让他们白白损失，从而影响他们对我的信任和以后的合作关系。

所以，于己于人，我实在没有选择，怪就怪在自己错误估计买家和那个中介的关系，给了买家逃避责任的空间。但当我把厚厚的纸钞从钱包里抽出来时，我的心也在抽搐，无端端穷了几百块。从来没想过原来卖房子可以以这种方式来亏钱的，当真买了个教训。

当自己面临不公时，没有人会少喊不公；但当自己有机会为私利而逃避责任时，有多少人会勇敢承担？当自己有机会利用不公中饱私囊时，有多少人会抵御诱惑？恐怕没几个人。所以我从来不会在别人叫喊不公时觉得他们有多高尚，因为那些行为不过是条件反射。

小孩贪玩，少不懂事；大人“懂事”，迂回蛇行。在我看来，那个女孩摔破比丘不是什么大错，反而那个母亲在众人面前怒责她，转身之后却逃之夭夭，犯下了非常大的罪恶。第一项罪：虚伪。第二项罪：损坏他人物品却逃避赔偿。第三项罪：给孩子一个非常不好的逃罪示范，以后恐怕影响了她一生的正直。长远来看，第三项罪才是对社会带来最坏影响的。

我不知道，但我希望她不要在痛责女孩保存自己面子过后还洋洋得意地和女儿说自己如何“化险为夷”。如果那女儿天性乖巧以后叫她如何抬得起头做人？如果那女儿天性稍差叫她如何不入歧途？

大多数人害怕承担责任，只想做戏了事，却没想到其实危机就是机会。若你肯仔细想一想，这个其实是教育孩子的黄金机会。如果那个母亲能够勇敢地替女儿谢罪并且立即赔偿，再回家教导女儿为人之道：“人谁无过，过而能改，善莫大焉”，难道不是美事？可惜啊可惜。某些父母总是不明白以身作则才是教导，否则就是虚伪。

也可惜我因疏漏而纵容了这次恶，而只好以自亏来亡羊补牢，避免增加社会中彼此的不信任，希望算是小善吧。一念之差，就少了两个月的伙食费啊，唉。

善养浩然正气，问心少愧，足矣。

感伤毕。但愿祸福相倚。但愿明天会更好。

My jigsaw. My Life.

When I was young, I liked putting jigsaw puzzles back together, spending few days sitting on the ground puzzling about puzzles. I dare not say I was expert in it but I simply enjoyed the feeling of "putting the pieces together" to form back the magnificent scenery and beautiful landscape. After finishing it, I would glue it on a manila board and pass to my mother to frame it and hang on the wall.

I remember I once finished a 2000-piece puzzle with such a magnificent picture: A little wood house with layers of bright and yellowish flowers smiling to welcome the arrival of summer, with the background of snowy mountains where ices were starting to melt. Actually, it wasn't really a "finished" article. After long hours of "puzzling", there was one piece of snow jigsaw missing. So unfortunate. I had been finding it for days, searching every corner in the room and just couldn't find that one small piece. I finally gave up.

The missing space would be very obvious if the puzzle were to be displayed on the wall, but I would be very pity if the puzzle were not to be displayed after spending enormous efforts. Hence I filled in the space by creating a jigsaw piece from hard manila card, cutting it into the shape that can fit and painting it with water colours. Of course it wasn't a magnificent piece but from distance one could hardly tell the difference.

The story didn't end there. Few years later, in the midst of relocating fittings in my room and rearranging my stuffs, I have spotted a piece of puzzle on the ground. I took it, looked at the wall picture and realized:"a-ha, it's you!". After few years of silence, out of nowhere the missing piece reappeared. Time certainly is a magician but since the puzzle had been glued, there was no way for the piece to be put together. It has lost its function and became purely sentimental. So I kept it separately for my memory.

Those days of putting puzzles were gone, but patience and crave to classify pieces developed from it still remain. Sometimes I wonder, life is just like jigsaw puzzles, both of them are about the satisfaction of putting the pieces together. We are given so many different jigsaws and it's entirely up to us to decide how to put it together. Putting it nicely, it becomes scenery; putting it badly, it becomes disaster.

The only difference is, jigsaw puzzles' width and length are predetermined by others; but life's width and length are determined by us. There will always be missing pieces, but there will always be extra space as well. For me, I just want to collect more and more pieces and putting them together to form a larger and more beautiful picture.

Read and Learn

You are what you read,
but if you only read what you want to see,
you are still what you are,
regardless of how much do you read,
because you read but do not learn,
just like you hear but do not listen.

- Thoughts after reading so-called book reviews.

信任转移

大约两三年前，读了一本关于老千的书，里面提到算命最常用的招术是：“千、隆、问、屈”。简单来说就是通过说中你的过去赢取你的信任，从而侃侃而谈你未来的命。但仔细想一想，为什么知道你的过去就可以算出你的未来呢？没有必然关系。

但那时的我还没有“信任转移”这个概念，直到最近看书多了，慢慢发觉到，很多论证都是从强而有力的论点A开始，让你觉得头头是道，过后“顺其自然地”过渡到结论B。中间的必然联系呢？一笔带过。而作为读者的我们，很容易地因为相信论点A的确凿，而爱屋及乌地去相信结论B。

为什么信任会如此容易地被转移呢？疑惑中。

Information book and Internet

I saw this book when I walked around in Popular and I laughed. Investopedia? This has been the site I frequented most for last two months. So I flipped through the book and saw contents that I used to see online, with a obvious difference: one is priced, the other is free. Of course I cannot fault investopedia for its smart move by publishing book to capture larger market, but standing from a view point of a smart consumer, this book is just not for me. Why pay for something that I can obtain somewhere else for free? Somemore reading online is more flexible and easier to search.

This highlights another difference, albeit a more subtle one: passive reading vs active reading. By buying a book, you read whatever that are included inside, limited by space and cost. By reading online, you expose yourself to a sea of knowledge, limitless and borderless. You are free to flip to any page, free to flow to any site, free to find any information that is relevant. You can find different references to understand a concept, you can find different angles when analyzing an issue. It's all up to you. The reading experience is actually (because you may have not realized it) and definitely more fun and stimulating.

But what has been lacking in internet is the creditibility of the contents. So you need time to find trustable sites with trustable contents. Whereas for books, once published out, their contents would be circulated among public and cannot be withdrew back (domain can disappear overnight). So they have to be credible (to a certain extent). And hence book has its strength to offer knowledge since the first important criteria is credibility.

However, this kind of informational book (like encyclopedia of what, what and what, 1000 whatever things that you must have, and etc) would die out in the coming decades, because providing information is no longer book's strength. Internet with vast storage, great searchability and amazing linkaility can do a much better job with ease.

P/S: As a smart customer, I notice that NLB has a great collection of books that include even some of the recent books, and hence whenever I want to buy a book, I first check online catalogue of NLB using i-phone. And most of the time, I feel glad that I have done so, because I avoid unnecessary spending. If everyone do like me, maybe the publisher will bankrupt; but I am sure that not everyone would do like me, just as not everyone reads.

So why bother? Just choose my way. :)

Collection of past Facebook status updates

I think since having i-phone that can access internet 24-7, I had posted quite a lot of my thinking on Facebook. These flashes of thoughts are not long enough to become blog articles, but yet are important for me at the time of expressing them out. Hence I have decided to compile them here for future reference, with additional notes.

2010-01-02:

I wonder how people construct logic to rationalize things without first checking for missing links. When even science is based on hypothesis, it seems inexplicable to see why people sometime are so adamant with their superficial logics. Affection with their creation, perhaps.

[Thought developed from opinions from some football fans, suggesting tones of 'logical' answers regarding the situation, of which actually contradicts with the true answer: the missing information. However, this phenomenon can be observed everywhere. How often do we quickly believe something just because they sound logical and outline a simple causal relationship where in reality events have more than one cause?

One of the most vivid examples that I could link from my past readings is this: Since now everyone use cell phone and it has becomes a necessity, it's good to buy stocks of cell-phone companies like Nokia. Sure earnings. It sounds logical, isn't it? This opinion overlooks many major issues, for example the effect of supply and demand. Even demand is always there, if the market is oversupply due to stiff competitions, do you think most of the companies still grow and earn? In fact, a lot of mature industries have entered the market of oversupply.]

2009-11-29:

I will disrupt my healthy lifestyle for the final few days of 2009 for deep reflections in quiet midnight.

2009-11-28:

I believe that before you talk about theory of scarcity you have to realize the scarcity of time first.

[Economics build on the theory of scarcity and one example used is the scarcity of time. Though this is easily understood but how many do actually realize the importance of it?]

2009-11-28:

I wonder why I encounter economics so late...

[I wonder why Malaysia's education doesn't teach economics. It is such an interesting topic that involves everybody's life especially in the era of globalization and highly sophisticated market. The first encounter was in university's first year and I scored an A for that economics 101. But I never discover that I have a deep interest in this field until I have come out to work, start having some doubts on how the society is revolving and found clarifications in books of economics. I think now I have a better understanding of this sentence: "The economic base of production determines the superstructure of a society".]

2009-11-23:

牵动着每个人的，始终是梦想与现实的差距。逃避、反抗、忍受、创造、妥协、擦边、背叛、醒悟。。。有多少情绪随着时间发酵，又有多少抉择能耐岁月风化。

[现实和理想，永恒的挣扎。]

2009-11-23:

Partial truth is not truth. Correlation based on linking of partial truths is mere coincidence or sophisticate manipulation.

[The more I read, the more I know. And the more I know, the more different angle I could see regarding a correlation analyzed by others. When you need to sell to mass, your idea needs to be simple and powerful. However, this doesn't guarantee the truth of the correlation. Yes, what make up the correlation are facts, but by purposely neglecting the black swans, the so-called correlation is nothing more than a sophisticate manipulation. This is especially true for complex topics. Only the coverage of alternative view will complete the whole picture of arguments. ]

2009-11-18:

Three ways to get happiness: help a person, solve a problem, or make a thing happens. It is threefold if all is done in one act.

[I have never stopped wondering what sources of happiness are, and I did conclude few factors in two separate articles written during university time. But at present stage, I am more inclined to think that the three factors mentioned are the most important.]

2009-11-18:

Cooking book vs book cooking: ordinary people vs extraordinary scam

[All the while I know what a cooking book is but I have never heard of book cooking (or cook the books). It just forms such a big contrast between the conscience of ordinary people and the integrity of big fishes.]

2009-11-15:

Sometimes support brings motivation; sometimes expectation exerts pressure; only calmness can bind the forces together and yields great results. Time and again, I have been reminded that:"Life is a marathon, not a sprint." The moral behind the story of the race of the rabbit and the tortoise becomes so impelling now. Only continuity matters.

[Calmness is needed to convert emotions into energies properly. Only through that can emotional roller coasters be avoided and continuity of efforts be assured.]

2009-11-13:

The time will come.

[I was following my manager to see how he brought buyer to see house. After the whole process, the seller's side agent gave me a little tap on my shoulder and said this to me. As usual, there are millions types of people around the people. Good people are not divided by field or industry, not identifiable by looks, but scattered around and sparks a resonance when they meet. ]

2009-11-13:

When disciple of discipline meet wizard of wisdom…

[Discipline needs direction too.]

2009-11-13:

The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavour.

[It's a quote by Vince Lombardi. I think this is especially true. Whether you have found your direction or not, you need to have the hunger for excellence. With that, even without a direction, some people may eventually still achieve success if luck favors them.]

2009-11-13:

Where decision matters in split second is where learning is hard and slow.

[Leaning something new is always slow because of the need to build a solid foundation. Perhaps exponential growth is only possible with a long period of slow but thorough and accurate learning. Genius, of course, is an obvious exception.]

2009-11-13:

Don't let others control destiny and define luxury. Happiness can be very simple.

[Influential ads have directly or indirectly defined what happiness is by defining what level of quality products you need to consume. Though you did get happiness by doing so, it doesn't mean that this is the only way. Luxurious lifestyle is just one possible way of quality time.]

2009-11-13:

祸兮福之所倚，福兮祸之所伏，生活中有太多的晴天霹雳，需要坦荡荡的心灵去面对。多一份不必要的虚伪，等于多埋一个待引爆的炸弹。

[有时候虚伪是必要的，但无论作出什么虚伪都会有代价。不必要的虚伪，就注定了长远利益的双输。]

2009-11-05:

Final day before the final adventure, nothing will be certain but what I could rely on are my discipline and meticulousness.

[I learnt this word meticulousness from my colleague, and when I went back home to check its meaning, I have found a word that best describes one of my strength when I do things that I want to do. This doesn't come without cost of slight procrastination, though the link is not necessary at all. This bad habit needs to be killed.]

2009-11-04:

If I can see and link, life is just as real as any movie, drama, soap, circus, arena, novel, story, history, saying, fable, games, comics and so on - as all of them roots from reality. They are just as real.

[Imagination and sheer curiosity could link puzzles that are scattered and form a bigger picture.]

2009-11-03:

Life is a mystery. When you start asking questions, you get different answers; when you stop asking questions, you get no answer. Either way, there is no one simple answer. Is it a merry-go-round?

[About question of life, I think everyone had asked or will ask. We may never get a simple answer, but is getting a simple answer really the answer? Isn't life borne out of diversity and complexity? We may never get a simple answer, but if we fed up and stop asking questions, are we still passenger inside or passerby outside of our life train?]

2009-11-01:

We compare ourselves against both lesser and greater so that we feel proud but yet not complacent.

[There is an old saying of Chinese idiom: "Comparing against better ones and thus we are inferior; comparing against worse ones and thus we are superior" that conveys the importance of passive contentment. But somehow I think there is a greater meaning for using different targets for comparison: to strike a balance between pride and complacency. By comparing ourselves against the better ones, we develop fear and are stimulated to improve ourselves; by comparing ourselves against the worse ones, we shield ourselves from being overrun by fear and build up self confidence. The same mentality can be applied to comparing different scenarios to strike a balance between overly optimistic and overly pessimistic.]

2009-10-31:

The one that has no fear to rise to the occasion can do much better given a chance to "create" occasion.

2009-10-31:

知音易尋，淡志難明，花開花凋落，無人賞。

[世有伯乐，然后有千里马。千里马常有，而伯乐不常有。]

2009-10-29:

剑散刀乱，意逝琴挥，弹笑千里间，各奔往。

[所有的味道，都是由时间酝酿出来的。]

2009-10-23:

Disobedience is what keeps my fire; madness is what makes me normal.

[Being totally conformed is being totally deformed. Perhaps we all keep a certain degree of disobedience and madness under mask and let it revealed only when the time is right.]

2009-10-22:

风暴将息，坠翔的日子开始倒数，但等待着的，却是更变幻莫测的风向。克服对无定的恐惧，不过是第一关；而最终迎来的，也未必是阳光……但，这就是抉择。

2009-10-21:

Swinging between struggling and rotting, so rarely are we in perfect balance.

[That just illustrates how tough it is when time is running out and how ineffective are we when time is abundant.]

2009-10-18:

And hence one road diverges into two, and perhaps more...in the journey of decentralization.

[I think I am going towards the direction of decentralization and becoming generalist.]

2009-10-16:

Is it a norm that minority group has always been marginalised? The majority may not be tyrannical, but being negligent is enough to form this norm.

[It is sad. But perhaps it is unrealistic for people in majority group to step out of their comfort zone and be less ignorant. If you don't help yourself, no one else can help you.]

2009-10-11:

Tough call made. Tough sail ahead. Tough game everywhere.

2009-10-08:

决定追寻更广阔的天空，飞翔坠空够惊险，此去无路我来开。今曰事今曰完，明日事谁人知？

2009-10-07:

You can have the best of each path but you could only choose one to walk.

[Road diverges, time doesn't.]

2009-10-04:

If life is only worth few fantasies, why are we creating so much trouble for ourselves...

[Only if fantasies are free lunches.]

2009-10-02:

In the end, some fakers have noblest souls as they need different masks to deal with dynamic difficulties; while some moralists have excellence exteriors as they can't contradicts themselves with complicated realities. No one can really tell and perhaps that's why life is so fun. It's gaming world.

[World of masks.]

2009-10-01:

If intelligence, like coin, have two sides...then one side is vision, another side is caution.

[Vision is the front windshield, caution is the rearview mirror.]

2009-10-01:

与时间比赛奔跑时，想要喘气，和时间一同滞留时，渴望飞翔。。。我们总是倾向于不知足，但这样的不知足，是那么地自然，也并非什么错，而是对生活平衡的憧憬。能化一切于安宁，是莫大的幸福。

[知足不是一种平衡，适时的知足和不知足才是平衡。]

2009-09-30:

总是在冒险的荒野才会发现意外的彩虹。。。

[回酬和风险。]

2009-09-29:

There isn't a need to plan if there will not be execution. Planning is meant to make things happen accordingly and smoothly. Unless we are able to act reflexively and yet correctly upon sudden turn of events, if not we need to plan. Anticipation and flexibility work best in pair...perhaps.

[We anticipate whatever we can to reduce risk, whatever we can't, we have to rely on flexibility.]

2009-09-28:

The road ahead would be the roughest and toughest but I shall not regret. Life is no turning back once a decision has been made. Even the worst anticipated outcome would be a blessing in disguise. It's either being courageous or coward...for life is also like investment, risks and returns are often correlated.

2009-09-25:

Life stage is quantized...need concentration and concentrated efforts to break through higher state, or else would always fall back to the same old state, regardless of endurance period spent.

2009-09-22:

Melody of the September: Change is good. What you expect to be difficult has always been magnified by inertia and fear while the experience and excitement are the real flowers that blossom.

2009-09-18:

Good intuition comes from astute observations, poor intuition comes from pure imaginations

[Even abstract arts comes from reality, it's just different transformation, interpretation or representation.]

2009-09-17:

即使是现实的生活，也是介于半梦半醒之间.

2009-09-14:

Sometimes filtering noise for few minutes requires much more energy than working for long hours. And guess who make those noises? Those who talk the walk.

[Noise making is a necessary survival skill for someone without authentic skills to impress.]

2009-09-10:

这世界就是这样，有些人什么都不管，做东西乱乱来，反而落得"两袖清风"：无事干；有些人想认真做点东西，反倒成了"多管闲事"的贱人。

[人的世界最复杂。]

2009-09-08:

太极，年轻人学不来。有些人学了无用武之地，都拿去办公室实践了。

[这不是办公室政治，这是办公室武术。]

2009-09-06:

生活是一段又一段的起跑、加速、超越、喘气、暂歇、望梅、冲刺和结束。

[跑慈善短跑过后对生活的联想。]

2009-09-04:

The path that you think less people has taken, may be a false notion when you really walk along it, but it doesn't really matter, as long as the path is new and unexplored to you, you will find discoveries that would be useful and meet surprises that become memorable.

[Life is not about others, but yourself; life is not about journeys, but discoveries.]

2009-08-10:

The quality of education really matters for long...the power of empowerment and enlightening is simply unmatched by any other forces, and yet most of time it is treated as a materialistic gateway, to success, to glory, to pride...which are all secondary to characteristics.

[Skills can be valued, enlightenment is priceless.]

2009的回顾

剩下几天，就要和2009年告别了。如果说2008年是峰回路转多姿多彩的，那2009年就是风云变色变幻莫测的。【2008年，我渡过最难熬的FYP、拿到最意外的First Class、顺利拿到第一份工作、在美国梦幻般地生活、面临意想不到的失业冲击和目睹别人的中年危机。】

工作

最大的变化，当然莫过于在惠普待了十一月之后，毅然辞职寻梦去，转做房地产中介。这不是个容易的决定，尤其在最初的那几个星期里，复杂的思绪犹如不同的游龙在脑子里舞动。那份工，坦白说我并非做得不好，相较于之前的IA和Imflash，我更认真对待工作，甚至可以说是第一次真正在做工，毕竟IA只是实习，而Imflash停在培训阶段。大体上而言，我挺满意自己的工作表现和态度，只是当负荷越叠越重时，我的疑问也越滚越大。两年、五年、十年之内，我会走去哪里？越来越多的薪水、越来越高的职位、越来越重的枷锁？我要的，是这些么？我看不到前景。

于是我不停询问，不停寻找，到最后我得到了一个答案：人最宝贵的资产，是时间。宁可牺牲短暂的利益，也不要虚度光阴。对于时间，我一直比较敏感，因为我知道，要达到我追求的理想中的简单幸福，我没有多少时间。工作恼人之处是除了不能发挥优势之外，还有让很多时间变成垃圾时间，不能为自己增值。时间一分一秒地无谓流失，好像血液一点一滴流失那样痛苦。我要控制自己的时间，做自己想做的事。

我选择进入房地产的行业，不仅因为它在成功上的可能性和在时间上的伸缩性，而是因为房地产方面的知识，是每个想要成功的人迟早都需要累积的。更何况，有多少人穷其一生奋斗，不过为了建立美好的家园。通过接触社会不同的阶层，我希望我能从管中窥豹，明白更多家庭的概念。

健康

今年发了两次烧，一次大的，在三月；一次小的，在五月。下半年身体没什么大恙，除了那个逐渐频繁的偏头痛之外，有一次发作时痛得几乎做不了任何东西，痛得睡不了觉。这病应该是从妈妈遗传下来的，医学上暂时不能根治，只好找寻引发头痛的原因以预防。大略知道只要稍微过劳过累，右脑侧的神经就会开始隐隐搏动，只是很遗憾的是，我挺容易感觉疲劳的。或许这正是我随时随地都能入睡的原因吧，我需要比较多短歇。

但另一个转变却让我喜出望外：我的食欲回来了。自从去年毕业旅行后，我的胃口骤然变小，让我一直怀疑肚子是不是生虫了。直到今年年中，当我开始每天做掌上压和在早餐摄入比较丰富的蛋白质后，我的胃口渐渐变大了。终于，隔了好久，吃东西变回一种享受。用热腾腾的食物填饱懂得喊饿的肚子，是多么简单的幸福和满足。体重第一次超过六十公斤，说起来可能有点好笑，但我却觉得这是非常了不起的成就呢。

只是残酷的是，二十五岁的新陈代谢毕竟不如年轻时强。意外仆街摔伤的伤口居然要两个月才能痊愈，运动前需要热身才能出劲出力，没穿球鞋运动竟然让膝盖有点负荷不了……都是以前不曾感受过的，也是以前怎么想也想不到的问题。

以前不懂得照顾身体或许还可以，现在不懂得照顾身体，后果可能就很糟了。二十五岁，真的是一个分水岭。

心境

身体素质不如前，但心里素质却强了很多。这个，是叫“成熟”吧。在经历翻天覆地的内心挣扎和增广见闻的心路历程后，这是我第一次接近将自己的性格定型，在个人内心到个人与他人的关系之间的善与恶、柔与刚、阴与阳、卑与亢、内与外、静与动、听与说、学与述、知与行之中，找到了比较完善的平衡。

这个平衡，对于我这个典型的双子来说，是很难得的。曾经一段时间，我常常被冰火两重天的情绪所困扰，但在更进一步掌控了情商之后，我逐渐明白情绪产生的原因，和接受它，从而能够理性地把情绪化为可贵的动力。其实，有什么样的情绪，为什么有这样的情绪，并不是那么重要，最重要的是如何接受和转化它。冰火两重天，在我现在看来，反而是不可多得的优点，因为感受过了冰和火，才能轻易地感受到别人的感受。

从至阴的随遇而安毅然破釜沉舟转向挑战未知，我已重拾失落的刚强，为过去那段阴柔的逆向叛逆寻找之路（我的父亲是至刚至强的极致代表），找到新的出口。我依然喜欢猫咪的细腻阴柔，却多了对飞鹰展翅高飞的欣赏。

持衡自强。

朋友

在职场上新认识了不少人，交了不少朋友，和其中几个变得挺要好的。年中通过和朋友的交流明白到原来存在这么一种划分：类型A会把朋友划成不同圈子，内圈是谈心事讲义气，关系亲密的知己，外圈是聚合玩乐的朋友；类型B把所有朋友都一视同仁，没有亲疏之分。因为自幼就有缘结识两个知己，所以我是铁打的类型A，倾向于把能信赖的、要好的归进内圈。

但也正因为如此，很多时候我总是被朋友的行为举止所影响和困扰，甚至产生失望。因为我总是对人存有期望，尤其是朋友。可是年中发生了一些事，让我明白到不是所有人都愿意把朋友变知己，聚乐原来才是普遍流行的朋友的概念。

我想了很久。于是我增加了一些聚乐的接受度，但我不放弃扩展内圈的可能。我始终相信，朋友，不应该仅仅是聚乐而已的。

财务

尽管惯于节俭，但今年有不少大笔的费用，譬如五月的韩国之旅、新添的电子产品（Netbook，I-phone）、初始投资的亏损等。在消费控制方面，今年实行了几个月的记录和观察，所以大致了解自己在不同方面的消费数额。吃的，随着食欲回来放松了一点；穿的，衣服没什么添（美国买了很多），鞋子添了几双；读的，已经倾向去图书馆借，除了非常新的新书。

节流，一向来不是什么大问题，但是开源，就仍在累积知识的阶段。四月时决定要开始累积实战经验，但后来一开始就亏了一点，就觉得在缺乏基础知识去实战是在玩俄罗斯轮盘，所以转去学习不同投资工具的基础。下半年后期的学习让自己对整体的金融财经和资金流动有了更全面的基本掌握，也让自己在阅读历史时多了一个有用的角度。

剩下的，就是在2009剩余的最后几天，计划一下未来五年之内想要累积的资本，金钱的分配和投资的回酬。

阅写

看看今年博文的数量，我或许可以自欺一下，语文能力，就算没有进也至少没有退吧。华文应该是如此，而英文应该有细微的进步。因为有持续阅读和写作，所以词汇数量和写作速度有些许提升，但没有时间去学习和检视语法。年中有一段时间学习了不少英文的字根和词源，算是受益不少吧。

至于阅读，今年目标是读十二本书，却没想到后半年沉溺在阅读，所以非常轻易地就超越了目标，大约数一数，今年应该读了二三十本书吧。

体育

今年还真得玩了不少体育项目。

篮球：参加了惠普的篮球比赛，掌握了一些基本的技战术，让我这个一直以来只是玩玩的门外汉开了不少眼界，也更享受篮球运动。

羽球：和惠普的同事打过几次，也给断线已久的球拍绑了线。

网球：去朋友的公寓学习和玩了几次。蛮喜欢这个运动，因为需要身体全方位的协调。

保龄球：也是和朋友玩了几次，从一开始的一直滚进沟渠，到现在掌握了一点技巧，strike得越来越爽了。

烹饪

目标是把拿手好菜加到十样，不过因为下半年自己租房住不能煮，也没有什么时间，所以其实没有真正去整理和总结。有试过煮麦片虾、苹果猪肉和三水姜蓉鸡（不过不是很成功），从双头妖师那里偷师了猪肚汤和马铃薯红萝卜焖肉，从四姨那里学了咸菜干碎炒蚬和猪脚醋，所以今年算起来还是有收获啦。

2009年，变之年，万事变动，我也在变。

2010年，期待着腾飞。梦，仍在寻……但寻梦者，首先不能丢失的，是时间。

Integrity

It has been about a month to work as a property agent. Life is certainly good without wasting too much time. Before I embarking on this journey, some were afraid that I am too nice to work in such environment that is full of possibilities of fraud.

Perhaps it's true to a certain extent, but I believe I am not naive though I am nice. However, the question of integrity does pose a serious challange to me. After two weeks of directionless efforts without results, I had one friend wanted to rent out his condominium for short-term lease. I was relieved that finally I got a more powerful side to serve, albeit a difficult one as short-term needs are rare and harder to match.

So one senior director who just so happened sat beside me that time told me not to advertise renting out for short-term, but to advertise 1-year lease to lure normal tenants, state a minimum period in the contract, and ask the owner to give one-month notice to tenants before taking back. He said:"Do this kind of thing, cannot be so straight one." Was it the right thing to do? I puzzled the whole night.

The next morning I went on to search listings online, and found out that another senior director were marketing a condo for short-term lease as well. I was so happy to have seen the light and decided not to follow the first director's advice. And in fact, I was rewarded by luck to close the deal with first client that I have shown the unit, and got my first deal.

I thought I would have forgotten this event. But somehow I came across similar story again, with different main actors and script writer. I brought a client to view a unit for short-term lease, he didn't really like it. I went back to the unit after sending the client off, to exchange card with the landlord's agent.

And that's when I came into the play, as an unexpected figure. The other group of PRC tenants, without the presence of their agent, were having communication breakdown with the landlord's agent who is a Malay, due to limited english conservation skills. So I went on to become the free translator, facilitated the communication in between, and helped both sides to agree on the deal.

However, in a flash of moment, I captured a message among the group to know that they weren't informed by their PRC agent, that this rent is for short-term. The contract is a one-year lease with minimum staying period of 5 months. But I know this rent is really meant for short-term because the landlord's agent has informed me that the landlord intends to sell his house asap. After 5 months, they will be kicked out, LEGALLY. So someone is obviously playing the trick of not disclosing the essential information, the PRC agent. Against his own countrymen, BRILLIANT!

So the ball was on my court. Should I act like moral hero, disclose the information, ruin the deal that has nothing to do with me? Or should I just neglect it as I am not supposed to be involved in it anyway? Eventually I chose to be silent because the ball was supposed to be invisible to me. If I weren't nice, I would have just walked away. If I weren't smart, I would not have spotted the insight.

All of the above sound like excuses to make myself feel better. And certainly I do. In this kind of scenario, I am not going to punish myself for not speaking out. That is by all means that agent's fault and wrong doing. And it is different than not helping when a robbery or other crimes happen.

Think about it, it is done legally. Think about it, any party which includes landlord, landlord's agent, tenant and tenant's agent could be utilizing this loophole by hiding their intentions. Think about it, a series of accidents (landlord changes his mind to sell his house midway, landlord don't like tenant and like to kick them out, tenant decides to go back home country midway, tenant don't like the place after a while etc) could have caused the same event (contract to be terminated by either side after minimum staying period). So in the contract, interest of both parties has already been protected by the one month notice.

But being legal doesn't mean being right. Not disclosing essential information that could have affetcting other's decisions is not right. On the same scenario, I have chosen to disclose while that agent have chosen not to disclose. Should I help him to disclose as well? I don't think so. I can only control what I do and affect other slightly but I cannot control how others do things. I can't be hero and save everyone, because even hero can't save everyone. You have to be smart yourself.

Well, everyone lives their own life. Which path you want to take, it's entirely up to you; but where the path will lead you to, it's not entirely up to you. You just pay the price of your decision. Some people have thrown away their sense of guilt and keep jeopardizing their integrity in exchange for short-term gains. I hope they don't wake up to the call of their conscience, because once they do, they will subject themselves to insurmountable sufferings.

There are many ways to success, but I always believe that integrity is vital for long-term success. I have seen examples that justfiy my belief. The only thing is that, of all the thing, integrity is the one that is immeasurable.

P/S: The above red paragraph is also dedicated to the fat landlord bitch that swallows our deposit of $2600.

Nice quote from Eliot

Do not follow where the path may lead.

Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

~ T.S Eliot