Study & Work

When time comes close to graduation, everyone is getting on their nerves by various job opportunities. Does first job matters? Perhaps it didn't really affect much in this fast changing era, where social mobility is high. But for those who's standing on the cross road, it really matters, as it reflects his/her choice and projected path over the next few years.

What are determining factors of choosing a job? Money, Interest, Environment, Career development and bla bla bla. For an adult who's getting near to live on his own for the rest of his life, money's importantce is getting more and more obvious. Reality is harsh. But how would it affect the pursue of interest? How much compensation is required for the tradeoff? Do we, undergraduates that are getting near to graduate, study just for the sake of future, or for the possiblity of advance into higher level in academy, or for the broader option and social mobility? Is study what you like? Is work what you study? Is work what you like?

Choosing job may seem an exhausting thinking process, but would you rather not be given choices? Compare to those who never have chance to get in ivory tower, undergraduates for sure have a stronger competitive edge over them. But if we mis-turn this edge, we would be in a worse situation than them. Would we?
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If you were to rank important characteristics in teamwork among "Capability", "Communication", "Commitment", how would you do? Which should comes first? Communication or commitment? I could only sure that capability doesn't matter as much as commitment and communication skills.
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Time is never enough, especially in final year. But since it could neither be created nor destroyed, the only thing left to do is time management and proper scheduling. I am not a fans of scheduling since young as I have good memory. But now I am forced to adopt this habit because loading memory need energy. After going through all classes, it's near to exhaustion. This piece of reminder somehow serves as a external pushing force, to fulfil what's planned before. It reminds me of consequences of not following it, things drag and jumble up and turn into mess, rushing this and rushing that, having risk of missing this and missing that. But schedule can never be perfect, if I can follow it for about 80%, I would be quite satisfy. Though in most cases, I extend it till late night to complete, in which, I have to sleep during class to compensate. Is it wise? I really have no idea. Perhaps I would sleep in class also even I got enough sleep. ...

Thoughts

Happy convocation, bro. Hope you will have a good start.

Is it any psychology theory to explain why human tends to think a lot more during long journey, as both space and times pass by? It is always in such familiar context that I regain my sense of thoughts.

Competition shapes competency, perception shapes reality, am I ready to self deceive myself to believe that - I have enough courage and intelligence to find the path I wish to take?

Exhausted

Just very very very very very very^10 busy.

Wednesday:
Night - Rehearsal
Midnight - Resume edit
Super midnight - Work on project micro p source code

Thursday:
Morning - Lecture
Evening - Out to Orchard to interview manager
Night - Citibank Recruitment Talk

Today:
Morning - Rush project source code
Afternoon - HRM meeting, only have 10 minutes for lunch, Project assessment.
Evening - Nap 1 hour in i-hub, meet FYP prof for 1 hour.
Night - HRM meeting to work out tutorial 2 questions.

I am already exhausted even without studying core subjects, putting efforts into fyp, design...In the future 2 weeks, 3 CAs are coming, design assgn is going to start, prof comm assignment, hrm report, just don't know when am i going die...couldn't even afford one day in a week for gym, what the ...

Luckily heard something meaningful that has helped me to make decision on not going for bank sector. Hence the rest of talks doesn't seem so attrative that more. Job in bank's just doens't look like going to suit me, and I am not going to force myself to suit in. For me the sacrifice is just too high. It's not just about workload and stress, it's about job nature and politics. Although contents presentated on the talk looked perfectly ok "superficially", there are a lot of things hidden inside. I could smell the fakeness covered in the thick blazer. Ya the MA was great in presentation and seemed like having great working life, but it was also quite obvious he was under tremendous pressure by his boss and colleagues. See how long he had to stand witout grumbling before he presented, if that's called usual business practice, that's so inhuman. See how all the so-called "great colleagues" responded after he finished his speech, there was a hidden frequency in clapping sounds. See how employees responded when the higher level of person came. Ya I can't avoid from the cruel world but I don't want to be in the most cruel environment, unless money can compensate all. At least for me right now, it's still not true.

People says certain amount pressure is good. Yeah, right. But that isn't a justification for being abuse for over-pressure, being in bank sector or in HRM. Yeah there is a lot to learn, but from whom do you usually learn the most? Enemy. So although you learn from him, he's not saviour. No matter how much MH could make me learn in HRM, there is no justification to make a 3AUs subject as heavy as 10 AUs. It's just not fair, and is a abuse of credit system. Many engineering graduates don't want to be in engineering field after this, yeah right. So by this "common sense" is it valid to force everyone to work for this subject much harder than other core subjects? So other professors should just cut-short their courses and give students time to concentrate on this? Yeah, world is not fair and you are not given chance since born. Is that a reason to make you abuse me more? No.

Some people may thank MH for he may "enlighten" them or what, hence all his other actions are justified, hence he is saviour who want to wake people up. Nonsense. All people at high level is master of human psychology, and we are just part of his game. I learnt a lot from him, because he's my enemy. As what he say, this is a war. I guess he would like me to headshot him rather than to thanks him.

视力

纸钞在手一秒钟
声色赶来交朋友
今朝有乐不堪等
明日太远望不见
夜晚宿醉好入梦
梦散酒醒还有夜

船柁在手数十年
风浪已成老相识
现时苦乐看朦胧
安枕无忧享清福
人生好比一场梦
梦好梦坏总得醒

近视，多为青年人所患；
远视，多为老年人所有。

近打河岸

哺育怡保的江河
日夜不停滚滚流动
一波混浊一波贪腐
不堪入目的满江黄
清澈可曾属于过去
清澈会否属于未来

江河两岸的奇树
粗壮高大蔽日遮岸
独对黄黄流污
空摇青青密叶
命运让它于此扎根
从开埠到现在

泥水嚣嚣滑冲
绿树默默挺立
静候琉璃水碧
细瞧朦胧倒影
互为青共向阳
一代又一代

万若漫长的岁月
等来泥河的泛滥
风会把它的种子
吹到翠绿的异地
正如当初的南风
把它吹来此盛开

家中闲梦

听鸟声吱吱，细腻软耳；听雨声滴滴，绵密清心。让发下空空，任思绪悠悠，慵慵懒懒躺床上，迷迷糊糊进梦中。

赞

日前陪母亲去处理公积金的提款申请，柜台服务的马来大姐实在给人留下太深的印象。
“Auntie, ada bawa bou zai （簿仔）?”
“yau sau （右手） tekan”
“Auntie, tangan mahu fong song (放松）”

连发音都丝毫误差，实在“无得弹”，于是投桃报李地赞一个：“Kak pandai bercakap!”美丽的花朵在她的脸上缓缓绽开。

赞，不是因为她是马来人去学粤语，挑起了民族自豪的神经；而是欣喜公务员提高效率，体贴民众。

此种人不可多得，赞要赞出口，而后也值得为文再赞，以示支持。

五元

父亲突提一事，因日前与母亲常奔波少在家，怕别人联络不到，向姐姐拿我托她保管的手提号码，未料姐姐开口第一句就提及重新激活户口的五元。于是父亲暗怒，虽没发作，事完后心中雄火却自个儿烧得通天。养育的百万不计，只为区区五元。旁观火尽烟散后，心中只剩苍凉；连亲姐姐都要防，呼声尽是叹息。我懂得，这不是年轻的叛逆，这不是愚昧的直觉，这是无情的冷。骤然间，我的天空乌云密布，紧接雷雨轰轰，冷风嗖嗖。

雨渐小，向母亲求证。事情确是有，但描述得很轻淡。我直觉地讯问母亲为何不生气，她只说：“生她养她还不知道她性格？改也改不了，生气有何用？徒增悲伤。”我释然，犹如感到一股清新的风，把心中的烟雾吹尽。这不是无益的哀愁，不是简单的心死，而是伟大的包容，厚软的白云。尽管我还是有点不解，我户口有百多块，姐姐平时也有用，何需再激活，激活的五元何来？真是令人疑惑的五元。

一日后拿回号码，打了一通电话，惊觉户口只剩二十余块。向姐姐提起，只听她微笑道：“聊下聊下不知不觉就这样了。”，哭笑不得，只有略微调侃后离去。又不见你用自己的号码聊得那么不知不觉，唉声一出，心里多了一个“服”字。“有入没出”，母亲真是概括得十分精确，于是五元的谜题也解。

想起姐姐曾经调侃我吝啬，现在才觉得一点道理都没有。我的吝啬是对自己的，她的吝啬是对别人的。父亲的阳刚，我不学了；姐姐的精明，我也不学了，我要学的，是母亲的智慧。

特色

所谓“天生我才必有用”，每个人都有自己的特色，只要不是大奸大恶，或小人小虫，大抵都是可爱的。是以职业无分贵贱，种族无分优劣。任何崇尚民族优越论的都应被掷石至死。噢，抱歉，太不民主人道了，是电击至死。每个人，每个种族，以至每种习俗语言文化，只要有其特色，就能合理地存在，就有存在的价值。但也因各有各的特色，所以我们很容易先入为主，以自己的标准否定他人存在的合理，以自己的特色衡量他人的特色，不但欣赏不到位，还会产生鄙视的情怀，真是可惜。

一如语言。叫今人念古人的“之者乎也”，酸溜；叫古人听今人的“的地得了”，头晕。叫老外听北方人又卷又翘的话，混成一团，听南方人入声韵尾的调，鸟语一堆。哪怕同一语言，十里变音，大家也未必听得顺耳。香港人自觉当地粤语正统好听，在广州某些省城可是不堪入耳的歪音。把四川的“川”念成“泉”，大概也只有成都人自己能欣赏。新加坡的语言大杂烩-英语、华语、马来话、福建话、各地方言，我听得总觉奇怪，但这就是地道特色。马来西亚的广东话，因早期移民粤客相掺，受不少客家话影响，例如把“落雨”说成“落水”，若你嫌我语意不清，不知人落水还是落水狗，我反还觉得“落雨”太文雅呢！说“茶雪”就是怡保人，说“雪茶”就是吉隆坡人，就这么简单，要混着说蒙骗身份也可以，就是别抹煞我的特色。大家各有各讲，各得其乐。为外人所取笑或被自己人调侃的，即为特色。

二如风土。每个城市都有自己的开埠史，有的历史悠久，有的新近开辟。在开埠不过百年的城镇找沉淀的历史韵味，无理；在与世隔绝的乡野找交汇的东西荟萃，不通。怪就怪在风土不如语言，出奇地不为自己人所珍惜看重，外国的月亮总是较圆一些。难得先入为主被抛弃一回，大家也就乐于用他人的特色衡量自己的特色。大抵猜想自己住得久了，没什么特别，认不出特色。于是旅游一词，是专给国外的，若自己国家还算大，那就是给城外的，绝没有在自己生长的地方旅游的。居民和游客，外延绝无重叠。诚然居民对城市的各处历史文化的所知比认真的游客还差。大概此类人，即便出到国外旅游，也不过慕名观赏，走马看花，留个脚印，拍张照片而已。其实小山有小山的秀，名山有名山的灵。不识小山之秀，焉辨名山之灵；没有了比较和参照，各种风土文化不同的细微和奇妙之处，也就无法体会。无法体会细微奇妙之处，则小山名山皆同，能登能爬能上能下，如是而已。

与他人不同的，才叫特色。不认识不同之处，他人的特色从何谈起？自己的特色又在哪里？不珍自家玉，难识他家宝。

目标

每逢周末的休息日，总有一班人成群结党冲上云顶，赢了大鱼大肉，输了下周重返。实际上不论赢输下周重返是必定的，那是大家挥金散银的约定。这就是人到中年。奔波一周，所为何事,劳碌半生，志在何方。人生苦短，不花天酒地对不起时间，不声色犬马对不起自己。购物，或只为几张收据；旅游，或只为几张照片。他们立志逍遥，只可怜我暂时还找不到方向。大概日后应该竭尽所能赚钱，然后发挥一下创意，开马场、狗场、鸡场、鸭场，集四为一，取名四畜乐园，定能造福大众，让他们找到人生方向，享尽人生乐趣。若能成事，己立志，助人立志，功德不可谓不大。我确实应该好好考虑一下。