Full Outing

Was too busy to update blog. This outing was at last last weekend.

We went to bugis to buy new year shirt, though I wasn't really buy for new year. I bought new bag, new watch, new shirts, new pants, woo hoo, I spent like mad. @.@



After that, we met luke & see wei and went to geylang to have good foods. 1st: Frogleg's Porridge; 2nd: Beef-River; 3rd: Soya, 4th: Durian.

Went out at 11+, came back at 11+. Did things that I haven't tried before or haven't did for long time, syiok! Really a full outing.

5E

Explore, Expose, Enhance, Enrich, Enlighten.

I'm slowly getting back my hunger for knowledge. By knowledge I mean general knowledge but not specific knowledge here. I feel the need to read newspaper daily again after few years of not doing so.

From what I'd observed, most of the professors are only good with their own field, which means they are as dumb as me when it comes to areas outside their expertise. To put it bluntly, they are quite "not smart" in a lot of aspects of life. I remembered a prof once commented their colleagues as "boring". I don't mean to attack them here, their status and journey they had made so far deserve much of my respect. I just want to use them as a example to plan my future.

Of course I need to excel in an area to make my employable, but this expertise may not be what I'm interested in at first. Come to think of it, if you ask people why they chose their profession, they will answer "because I thought I am good at it" or "because I was brought up in such environment that made me good at it" or other external factors. Experience shapes interest and habits, and human tends to live in comfort zone. Furthermore, being good at something makes you feel great and gives some sense of satisfaction.

So, I wouldn't be selective in jobs because I know I could excel in it when I need to, or when I am forced to. I am more keen to improve my general capabilities and knowledge. It makes me more complete. This is where 5E comes in. I really need to get out of my comfort zone to get rid of my old weaknesses and to be a better person day by day.

It means that I've to keep exploring the unknown territory and be exposed to the whole world, to enhance important skills and to enrich my inner poise, towards the goal of being enlightened. And so I should focus more on the journey of life itself, but not to zoom in some special aspect like fyp and too worry about it.

I think I am good and persevere enough to specialize in an area, but I feel myself that I am better in getting the overall picture and integrating different parts together. Or I should say I was. Now I am not. But I shall be.

Wine Appreciation

Went to EEE Chill Out Night. Good food and chance to taste 4 different wines for just $8, amazingly good stuff la!

So this is the first time I being taught how to drink a wine and I really learnt a lot about classification, region, food matching bla bla bla.

1. Chardonnay - white wine, from New Zealand : light
2. Carbenet Sauvignon - red wine, from France : heavy, sour
3. Shiraz - red wine, from Australia : heavy, a bit spicy
4. Riesling - white wine, from Germany : sweet

So the proper way to taste the wine is to swirl the glass to release the aroma and smell it, drink and let the wine flow through the whole tongue to capture all the different tastes. Wao... So professional.

Have I just started my journey of appreciating wine? Hmm...

http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/basicwine/basicwine.html

http://www.enjoygourmet.com/lesson/grape/grape.php?gno=1

Confidence and Competition

If you are normal student, you need to find jobs; if you are top student, jobs chase after you. That's reality, no matter how harsh it may sound to someone. But since it's a hard fact, why would one think that it's harsh? Competition is part of life and source of motivation.

Unless you are top of the world, you've have to accept that there are stronger person than you. So why scare of others being better than you? You just need to bring out your best. There are two sources of confidence, to compare with others or to compare with yourself, in the past. Obviously the latter motivates you better. You may still want to compare with others to know where you stands but you shouldn't feel inferior or intimidated by them. If not you wouldn't even dare to challenge yourself, to improve yourself.

If life's a long race, temporary advantage and superiority could only carry you a bit further because complacency is the natural enemies of it. Only passion and confidence that arise from continuous self improvement will bring you to where you should belong to.

Good or evil

There are only two forces in life: good or evil. That's the source of energy. You must at either side if you seek something in your life. If you have no side, you're probably too blur to achieve anything.

At either side there are endless characters. Genuinely the perfect example at good side would be angel, and devil for the other side. But we tends to forget that there are devil in disguise and angle in disguise too, simply by adding a mask. These 4 absolute characters is enough to create a complex situation, and in reality there are million of characters.

How to tell which side the person belongs to if it's that complex? Only some sages can tell, and one of them called "time". As truths are segregated and bounded within different circles, it could only be revealed to the right person at the right time for the right need.

You may like to treat everyone as friend and every friend as angel at side. But you may not get any reward or even get punishment for naivety and incomprehension of this very nature. Not that everyone is so naive at this mature age, sometimes you may judge wrongly, especially when you are rushed to judge.

If you really did, what you get is a person's mask. Luck maybe on your side if the mask align with his/her inner heart. If not, congratulation. You've met the second sage: "experience".

A glance of hope

Slept for 12 hours, kinda feeling better. Had a more-than-10 words conversation with supervisor since don't know how long ago, kinda feeling better. At least he acknowledged that for me as a IC guy to do power guy's thing is tough, at least he's trying to hint me that he's with me at this moment. Finally I gained a bit of motivation to continue my tough journey.

I never doubt my ability to do stuff, but I need recognition and support. And I am worst at asking it. A glance of hope, luck bless me.

...

Joy.Hope.Spirit:Less.
Option.Direction.Vision:Lost.
Defeat.Demoralization.Despair:Total.
Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
When I couldn't even force a smile, I know I am close to fallen.
Meaning of life has gone, and left me to find the only solace from eating, slacking and sleeping. Meaning of time has gone, and left me with the only luxury to leave it for decay. Excessive emotions made a physical impact by bringing me chest pain. Excessive sadness made a subconscious impact by bringing me bad dreams every night.
I thought I had escaped temporarily but it was just a flash of illusion.
One leg still in mud. The other, is hanging.

Why?

Why? What I've did wrong to put myself in such situation? Why've I made such decision to ruin my own future? Why why? Why I deserve to get this? Why? Tell me why?

I'm helpless now. I'm hopeless now. What more else I could do? Hahahaha.

I hate this. I want to escape. But how? How??????????????????????????

The END

It has been long time since I've become so madly angry. I am irrational now and wouldn't care if my words gonna hurt anyone, hurt the whole world or even destroy myself.

I've had enough. I shall not bear this any more. I think it's not fair to me, if I am a person who deserved to live in the world.

If this is really a two person project, why should I always be the one who figure out how to do things, who initiates and pushes? Why couldn't each of us just contributes to our part? Why should I need to help to the extent that it's more efficient to do it myself? If 1 + 1 does not greater than 2, why must it be 1 - 1 < 0? If that's the case, I would rather do it myself.

I don't need to waste my time worrying on useless thing, I don't need to waste my time controlling my emotion, I don't need to waste my time struggling. I DON'T NEED TO! WHY SHOULD I?

I thought I could really deal with it, but I failed. Someone had already foreseen it. It is such a pity. I have to admit I don't really know how to deal with it. I DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE!

I've reached my limit. I shall not bear this anymore. I'd rather die than doing this.I'd rather turn myself devil. I shall end THIS this week to end my long suffering.

Job Hunt

Went to MEARSK's recruitment talk. They talked about talent development and grooming. The 2 years trainee program sounds really interesting and bright for me. Expecting fierce competition again. Though not everyone may agree with the first presenter's style, I could understand where he comes from. I think he's sharp and logical.

Belief. Confidence. Passion. These are the keys to unlock my future, if I have auras of these qualities certainly I will make my presence felt. I have to take these to my heart.

I was so surprised to know that "dark horse", such a familiar Mandarin phrase used in reporting sports, comes from English. +.+

And my blog title of "Not every blog need a name" itself contains grammatical error, oh, what a shame!