5E

Explore, Expose, Enhance, Enrich, Enlighten.

I'm slowly getting back my hunger for knowledge. By knowledge I mean general knowledge but not specific knowledge here. I feel the need to read newspaper daily again after few years of not doing so.

From what I'd observed, most of the professors are only good with their own field, which means they are as dumb as me when it comes to areas outside their expertise. To put it bluntly, they are quite "not smart" in a lot of aspects of life. I remembered a prof once commented their colleagues as "boring". I don't mean to attack them here, their status and journey they had made so far deserve much of my respect. I just want to use them as a example to plan my future.

Of course I need to excel in an area to make my employable, but this expertise may not be what I'm interested in at first. Come to think of it, if you ask people why they chose their profession, they will answer "because I thought I am good at it" or "because I was brought up in such environment that made me good at it" or other external factors. Experience shapes interest and habits, and human tends to live in comfort zone. Furthermore, being good at something makes you feel great and gives some sense of satisfaction.

So, I wouldn't be selective in jobs because I know I could excel in it when I need to, or when I am forced to. I am more keen to improve my general capabilities and knowledge. It makes me more complete. This is where 5E comes in. I really need to get out of my comfort zone to get rid of my old weaknesses and to be a better person day by day.

It means that I've to keep exploring the unknown territory and be exposed to the whole world, to enhance important skills and to enrich my inner poise, towards the goal of being enlightened. And so I should focus more on the journey of life itself, but not to zoom in some special aspect like fyp and too worry about it.

I think I am good and persevere enough to specialize in an area, but I feel myself that I am better in getting the overall picture and integrating different parts together. Or I should say I was. Now I am not. But I shall be.

Wine Appreciation

Went to EEE Chill Out Night. Good food and chance to taste 4 different wines for just $8, amazingly good stuff la!

So this is the first time I being taught how to drink a wine and I really learnt a lot about classification, region, food matching bla bla bla.

1. Chardonnay - white wine, from New Zealand : light
2. Carbenet Sauvignon - red wine, from France : heavy, sour
3. Shiraz - red wine, from Australia : heavy, a bit spicy
4. Riesling - white wine, from Germany : sweet

So the proper way to taste the wine is to swirl the glass to release the aroma and smell it, drink and let the wine flow through the whole tongue to capture all the different tastes. Wao... So professional.

Have I just started my journey of appreciating wine? Hmm...

http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/basicwine/basicwine.html

http://www.enjoygourmet.com/lesson/grape/grape.php?gno=1

Confidence and Competition

If you are normal student, you need to find jobs; if you are top student, jobs chase after you. That's reality, no matter how harsh it may sound to someone. But since it's a hard fact, why would one think that it's harsh? Competition is part of life and source of motivation.

Unless you are top of the world, you've have to accept that there are stronger person than you. So why scare of others being better than you? You just need to bring out your best. There are two sources of confidence, to compare with others or to compare with yourself, in the past. Obviously the latter motivates you better. You may still want to compare with others to know where you stands but you shouldn't feel inferior or intimidated by them. If not you wouldn't even dare to challenge yourself, to improve yourself.

If life's a long race, temporary advantage and superiority could only carry you a bit further because complacency is the natural enemies of it. Only passion and confidence that arise from continuous self improvement will bring you to where you should belong to.

Good or evil

There are only two forces in life: good or evil. That's the source of energy. You must at either side if you seek something in your life. If you have no side, you're probably too blur to achieve anything.

At either side there are endless characters. Genuinely the perfect example at good side would be angel, and devil for the other side. But we tends to forget that there are devil in disguise and angle in disguise too, simply by adding a mask. These 4 absolute characters is enough to create a complex situation, and in reality there are million of characters.

How to tell which side the person belongs to if it's that complex? Only some sages can tell, and one of them called "time". As truths are segregated and bounded within different circles, it could only be revealed to the right person at the right time for the right need.

You may like to treat everyone as friend and every friend as angel at side. But you may not get any reward or even get punishment for naivety and incomprehension of this very nature. Not that everyone is so naive at this mature age, sometimes you may judge wrongly, especially when you are rushed to judge.

If you really did, what you get is a person's mask. Luck maybe on your side if the mask align with his/her inner heart. If not, congratulation. You've met the second sage: "experience".

A glance of hope

Slept for 12 hours, kinda feeling better. Had a more-than-10 words conversation with supervisor since don't know how long ago, kinda feeling better. At least he acknowledged that for me as a IC guy to do power guy's thing is tough, at least he's trying to hint me that he's with me at this moment. Finally I gained a bit of motivation to continue my tough journey.

I never doubt my ability to do stuff, but I need recognition and support. And I am worst at asking it. A glance of hope, luck bless me.

...

Joy.Hope.Spirit:Less.
Option.Direction.Vision:Lost.
Defeat.Demoralization.Despair:Total.
Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
When I couldn't even force a smile, I know I am close to fallen.
Meaning of life has gone, and left me to find the only solace from eating, slacking and sleeping. Meaning of time has gone, and left me with the only luxury to leave it for decay. Excessive emotions made a physical impact by bringing me chest pain. Excessive sadness made a subconscious impact by bringing me bad dreams every night.
I thought I had escaped temporarily but it was just a flash of illusion.
One leg still in mud. The other, is hanging.

Why?

Why? What I've did wrong to put myself in such situation? Why've I made such decision to ruin my own future? Why why? Why I deserve to get this? Why? Tell me why?

I'm helpless now. I'm hopeless now. What more else I could do? Hahahaha.

I hate this. I want to escape. But how? How??????????????????????????

The END

It has been long time since I've become so madly angry. I am irrational now and wouldn't care if my words gonna hurt anyone, hurt the whole world or even destroy myself.

I've had enough. I shall not bear this any more. I think it's not fair to me, if I am a person who deserved to live in the world.

If this is really a two person project, why should I always be the one who figure out how to do things, who initiates and pushes? Why couldn't each of us just contributes to our part? Why should I need to help to the extent that it's more efficient to do it myself? If 1 + 1 does not greater than 2, why must it be 1 - 1 < 0? If that's the case, I would rather do it myself.

I don't need to waste my time worrying on useless thing, I don't need to waste my time controlling my emotion, I don't need to waste my time struggling. I DON'T NEED TO! WHY SHOULD I?

I thought I could really deal with it, but I failed. Someone had already foreseen it. It is such a pity. I have to admit I don't really know how to deal with it. I DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE!

I've reached my limit. I shall not bear this anymore. I'd rather die than doing this.I'd rather turn myself devil. I shall end THIS this week to end my long suffering.

Job Hunt

Went to MEARSK's recruitment talk. They talked about talent development and grooming. The 2 years trainee program sounds really interesting and bright for me. Expecting fierce competition again. Though not everyone may agree with the first presenter's style, I could understand where he comes from. I think he's sharp and logical.

Belief. Confidence. Passion. These are the keys to unlock my future, if I have auras of these qualities certainly I will make my presence felt. I have to take these to my heart.

I was so surprised to know that "dark horse", such a familiar Mandarin phrase used in reporting sports, comes from English. +.+

And my blog title of "Not every blog need a name" itself contains grammatical error, oh, what a shame!

I hate IC design!

Alienation causes hatred. The more unrelated my FYP is to my specialization, the more I hate my specialization. While peers are gaining relevant skills in designing IC bit by bit, I am losing my competitive edge day by day. I feel inferior and isolated. I don't feel like I belongs to IC design, I don't like I belongs to IC design lab. I hate IC design! I hate my fate! I hate my chance! I hate my decision!

First weekend...Gone

I am still enjoying too much over this weekend. I've been fooled around for:
i) Basketball: I haven't found back my shooting touch. Still learning on movement and strategy. My passing sucks. @.@
ii) PS2 PES2008: The more I play, the more I lose and the more I become pissed off. +.+
iii) CS: Played 1 hour+ and still get headache. ~.~
iv) GIMP: Open source alternative to photoshop. Although I am not talented in arts and design, I think it's still good to pick up some basic image manipulation skills.

Hence I didn't do (which I was supposed to do):
i) First week revision and tutorial.
ii) Revise my resume after edited by little krix.
iii) Applying for JP Morgan.
iv) Read the career guide 2008.
v) Do my part on Thailand-Campbodia for my graduation trip.

All these are postponed to next week. Gosh. I really need to start limiting my time for entertainment and gaming over the weekend. And I need to improve my english continously, too.

Job Hunting

Today is a slacking day without real progress in studying and FYP. Was too tired to wake up for 830 class, went to library with qi-fat in the evening (managed to get one good book for each though) and went for JPMorgan recruitment talk with little krix and crazy ed.

Dress code was business casual. What's that? According to wiki, there's no formal definition of business casual. Is polo t-shirt + jeans = biz casual? You may doubt so but obviously there is quite a lot of people shares the same view as me and krix.


As usual, speech was given by director and a ex-trainee (same like Citibank last time, again he's an Indian, again he's from EEE but not in a field related to EEE... Is EEE producing talents from another way?) followed by Q&A section.


There was a guy with funny hairstyle asking funny question, was he hired by JPMorgan to bring up the atmosphere? There were quite a lot of students asked questions, but ... Hence a question came to my mind - Could you judge how smart a people is by his question? What is smart people? By krix's definition smart people is those ask smart question at right time. So, are you smart people?

JPMorgan is looking for 10-12 business technologists which could be separeted into 3 levels (Level 3: hardcore code writers, 5%, Level 2: Production support, 55%, Level 1: Front lines). Their pay is simply awesome, 55k per year. They have received 250 applications now, obviously after this talk the number would increase to 2500 or even 25,000. Stiff competetion huh? But it's reality of life. If they decided to hire someone, he/she must be good enough by their judgement, so why judge yourself? Just go apply la: http://jpmorgan.com/careers . Luck may smile on you.

Meanwhile, crazy_ed became the first among us to get the job offer and pen it down. Congratz.
I'm gonna start my job hunting now, go go go.

And, how long could I maintain my cleanest room so far? Time will tell.

It's a great thing to suffer

I red papers & journals for most of my day and yet I couldn't get something useful for my FYP. System, control, modeling, state space averaging, transfer function, loop gain, stability, am I studying another specialization? I'm fine with it but I just fear by the time I could comprehend these ideas, it's all over.

My professor is the most hard working one who often comes to guide his students, and yet I could learn nothing from him. How I wish I could like others spending their time to do simulation? How I wish I could really gain some experience and insight in designing IC? Sometimes I wonder why, why I just couldn't like everyone else, learn what we are supposed to learn and practice we are supposed to practice?

But I won't keep my head down and worry too much. I just want to continue to work hard and hope could get the breakthrough. I have to keep the correct mindset to avoid repeat my mistakes. Last sem I kept telling myself I was having the most difficult sem and yet I slacked the most. Obviously I was infected by "whining too much" virus, and it really brought nothing beneficial. "If I were to know how every suffers, I would have chosen back my own struggles. "

"I holds the truth but I'm not going to tell,
Don't ask from me I'm not going to tell,
If you are understanding just give me a winking smile,
If you are smart just observe for your own good,
I shall find my way out,
and unfolds the truth in a most hilarious way. "

First day of school

First day of school wasn't a good head start but nonetheless I am gearing up. I woke up at 730 just to wake 2 pigs up and then I fell back to sleep, what were I doing? @.@ So I skipped my first class at 930, the only class I have for the whole day. And I met a Nigerian who asked me for direction.

I was determined not to slack but sleepiness found space to attack me for few times. Looks like I got two enemies to fight now, bring them on I would say, I'm on a high now. At least I am rejuvenating my mind and making more decisions.

I suddenly remembered last time when I was playing word MUD game online, there was this virtual world with a lot of NPCs. They were basically "dead" unless you triggered them with the right word or action. It's the same in real life though, I believe, which is called "the Art of speaking". Til tomorrow.

Hanging on a rope

If you are hanging on a rope inside a well, you probably would give up if you don't see any chances to escape and you probably would give all out if you think you can escape. What if the outcome is unpredictable? If world outside the well is just better than world inside the well by one level, what would be your decision? Would you fight for a better situation?

The decision is the most crucial because it sets the goal and direction. I've made mine. It's time to sky-rocket my determination and flame my fire. Eventually I want to see myself outside the well. Bring it on, it's time now. Luck bless me.

Past moments of 2007 captured by photos~

Suddenly found back my hp-USB connector which finally allows me to transfer photo. It has been half a year since my last transferring of photos.

This was my room when I first got it. Totally in mess and with an odd indian-curry-flavour odour left by previous vietnamese (strangely, not indian).

It took me half a day to clean it and few days for the odour to disappear.


And then school started, we become a full time student again where we have to go for lectures again. Inevitably, sleeping inside lectures is unavoidable, especially for eddie (and me of course). But someone even fell asleep when he was studying inside TV lounge.


The most famous subject of course would be the stupid "HRM" taught by the legendary XXXX MH, in which 3AUs is equivalent to 10AUs.
But even in this subject, there would be some people who dare to sleep during the lecture (of course including me).




Luckily I got good team members for this tough subject, if not I would have tears in my eye. ^^








Canteen B, as in any other normal school days, remain "CROWDED"!





Despite that we are final year students, the eldest group of undergraduate and by right the busiest group, under the call-up from Ah-B and led by CCC, we as a bunch of idiots still managed to perform a small sketch for Merdeka night. Bravo!








Occasionally we would go gym to build up our body. Eddie had been amazing in building up his upper body, and weiwah had go gym that often until he's crowned the "Gym King".



The contest between me and wei wah is not yet over but right now both of us has not been at gym for quite a long time...@.@








And this was the exact view when I was training my upper chest in SRC gym room. I think it's just simply breathtaking and refreshing.












Sometimes we went out to have good food, sometimes we cook it.












When finally we had finished the whole semester, buffet is a must in holiday.













But when it comes to celebrating the end of the year, we chose to have steamboat instead of going out, because outside would be very very crowded.















As usual, we couldn't finish all the food that we bought and we had to cook for the next two meals the next day to avoid wasting the food, but luckily we got a hotdog specialist AhGoh.












2007 wasn't really a year for me, but in spite of all the struggles and negatives, my life was never lack of good moments. Hope I could achieve more in 2008. There is always light and miracle in our life, if we are calm, open and intelligent enough to observe it.

Cry Away 2007

I accidentally nearly sprain my right ankle in a long long basketball evening and had ran so much until my thighs feel painful. I am so tired that I really want to rest but couldn't find a sleeping posture that could let my thighs feel less stretched.

Suddenly some past events in 2007 flashed in my mind and my emotions went so intense that I couldn't not stop tears from rushing out. 2007 was full of regrets. I've made so many mistakes and I've got most of my major decisions wrong. I allowed too much room for myself to fool around and made myself as dumb as any idiot with stupid awareness.

I've lost my discipline in making decision, keeping promise and keeping punctuality. I've lost my independent critical thinking. I've lost my hard-working spirit. I've lost my desire to change. I've threw away all my strengths without gaining much except regrets. I felt so useless as a person looking back what I've did for the past 1 year. Why had I turned myself into such people?

Am I really what I am now? Am I suppose to be what I am now? Do I know what am I doing now? Perhaps I chose to live a bit different in 2007 but it turned out to be really really painful for me. I shall not have another regret. I shall not let my mind become rusty again. I shall force my spirit back and prove myself to be a much better person in 2008 as compared to 2007.

If I fail to do so, I know the ghost of 2007 will continue haunts me and I will live in a shadow of my past. "If a person fell, he would either stand again or fail to stand again forever."

I must win this battle, at all cost.