@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Welcome! 欢迎!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Welcome to my virtual home. This is a little private space for me to put my thoughts and share my feelings since 2005. Due to my wide range of interests, there are perhaps too many tags. I would explain some of the less obvious tags:

"About Life" is really about how I have been pondering about life and what enlightenments and paradigm shifts I had experienced.

"About Psi" contains most topics about happiness, optimism vs pessimism,
confidence, comparison, pride and prejudice and other psychological aspects.

"About Logical Thinking" is about my own way of interpretating and explaining
certain issues, aiming to debunk (or create?) superficialness of them.

"About Ideology" is about my thoughts on big concepts like freedom, justice,
fairness in society and religion.

"About Society" is more about my observations about the society, often through interactions with different peoples.

"My Country" reveals my frustration, critics and hope
on my homeland - Malaysia.

"My Little Pieces" has more short posts though mostly are written in Mandarin.

While I do have some posts on book reviews and business, I am planning to
separate them into author-specific and content-specific blogs. Stay tuned.

Enjoy your reading!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

挫折与希望

收拾文件时,无意中在联系表中看到了你的名字与电话。原来,你的字迹是那么的豪迈。曾经听说,字迹多少能反映出人的行为原则。这种说法,用在你身上,不无道理。豪爽的性格与朗朗的笑声,是你留给大家的印象,所以当你走时,大家都大惑不解。


而我,尽管也心存疑惑,尽管也不能接受,却自以为能隐约感受到你内心的挣扎:对理想的追求与对前景的忧虑。没有哪个刚刚踏入社会的菜鸟不会有这些挣扎,只是在你身上,这些挣扎犹如恶性的双螺旋,转呀转,转到了末路。为什么会这样子呢?或许因为你乐于助人吧。这与乐于助人怎么扯得上边呢?或许因为乐于助人的,大多并不乐于让人助吧。即使自己陷入困境,也不愿意麻烦他人,不是因为放不下面子,而是因为深觉世界早已存在过多伤痛与沉重,宁愿默默承受,也不想向外宣扬制造沉重,除非是知心的朋友。

只是,什么是伤痛呢?什么是沉重呢?这样说的话,或许对你有失公允,但是我觉得你认识到的,并不够透彻,毕竟你是在顺境下成长的,父母爱护姥姥疼惜,一生中没有经历什么大风大雨,才会误把短暂的转折视为永远的绝境。或许,我应该提早与你分享我的成长故事,让你知道我的内心曾经多么黑暗,你就不会选择走这条路了。

轻生的念头,为什么这么容易地会在你脑海中浮现呢?或许,每个人在经历重大挫折时,都曾经问过自己这个问题。我有个朋友也曾经问过自己这个问题,然后开始想歪,跑到浴室把刀子放在手腕上,凝视着镜子中的自己,犹豫了好一阵子,才把刀子放下。这不是理智不理智的问题,我觉得要自杀的人都知道自己要做什么,他们觉得自己走投无路,想不到结束挫折的方法,找不到可以依赖的人,才会想出这个“解决/解脱”的方法。

坦白说,我也经历过不少挫折,但我只会去忧心如何解决问题,而不会想到要去轻生。为什么?答案很简单。“他妈的这个世界上比我可恶比我鄙贱的人多得是,他们还不是活得好好的,甚至可能活得比我更好,为什么他们可以活,我却要去死?” 这样想,胸中登时有一股傲气激荡。

一年前,面对生活的转折与挫折,你选择了离去;而一年后,面对生活的转折与挫折,我还未找到选择,但是至少你让我知道,离去绝对不是选择。当年的经济不景气,已经开始复苏;当初冻结的工厂,即将重新营运。人生如此漫长,不可能总是厄运连连的,你说不是吗?

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