@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Welcome! 欢迎!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Welcome to my virtual home. This is a little private space for me to put my thoughts and share my feelings since 2005. Due to my wide range of interests, there are perhaps too many tags. I would explain some of the less obvious tags:

"About Life" is really about how I have been pondering about life and what enlightenments and paradigm shifts I had experienced.

"About Psi" contains most topics about happiness, optimism vs pessimism,
confidence, comparison, pride and prejudice and other psychological aspects.

"About Logical Thinking" is about my own way of interpretating and explaining
certain issues, aiming to debunk (or create?) superficialness of them.

"About Ideology" is about my thoughts on big concepts like freedom, justice,
fairness in society and religion.

"About Society" is more about my observations about the society, often through interactions with different peoples.

"My Country" reveals my frustration, critics and hope
on my homeland - Malaysia.

"My Little Pieces" has more short posts though mostly are written in Mandarin.

While I do have some posts on book reviews and business, I am planning to
separate them into author-specific and content-specific blogs. Stay tuned.

Enjoy your reading!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

2009的回顾

剩下几天,就要和2009年告别了。如果说2008年是峰回路转多姿多彩的,那2009年就是风云变色变幻莫测的。【2008年,我渡过最难熬的FYP、拿到最意外的First Class、顺利拿到第一份工作、在美国梦幻般地生活、面临意想不到的失业冲击和目睹别人的中年危机。】


工作

最大的变化,当然莫过于在惠普待了十一月之后,毅然辞职寻梦去,转做房地产中介。这不是个容易的决定,尤其在最初的那几个星期里,复杂的思绪犹如不同的游龙在脑子里舞动。那份工,坦白说我并非做得不好,相较于之前的IA和Imflash,我更认真对待工作,甚至可以说是第一次真正在做工,毕竟IA只是实习,而Imflash停在培训阶段。大体上而言,我挺满意自己的工作表现和态度,只是当负荷越叠越重时,我的疑问也越滚越大。两年、五年、十年之内,我会走去哪里?越来越多的薪水、越来越高的职位、越来越重的枷锁?我要的,是这些么?我看不到前景。

于是我不停询问,不停寻找,到最后我得到了一个答案:人最宝贵的资产,是时间。宁可牺牲短暂的利益,也不要虚度光阴。对于时间,我一直比较敏感,因为我知道,要达到我追求的理想中的简单幸福,我没有多少时间。工作恼人之处是除了不能发挥优势之外,还有让很多时间变成垃圾时间,不能为自己增值。时间一分一秒地无谓流失,好像血液一点一滴流失那样痛苦。我要控制自己的时间,做自己想做的事。

我选择进入房地产的行业,不仅因为它在成功上的可能性和在时间上的伸缩性,而是因为房地产方面的知识,是每个想要成功的人迟早都需要累积的。更何况,有多少人穷其一生奋斗,不过为了建立美好的家园。通过接触社会不同的阶层,我希望我能从管中窥豹,明白更多家庭的概念。

健康

今年发了两次烧,一次大的,在三月;一次小的,在五月。下半年身体没什么大恙,除了那个逐渐频繁的偏头痛之外,有一次发作时痛得几乎做不了任何东西,痛得睡不了觉。这病应该是从妈妈遗传下来的,医学上暂时不能根治,只好找寻引发头痛的原因以预防。大略知道只要稍微过劳过累,右脑侧的神经就会开始隐隐搏动,只是很遗憾的是,我挺容易感觉疲劳的。或许这正是我随时随地都能入睡的原因吧,我需要比较多短歇。

但另一个转变却让我喜出望外:我的食欲回来了。自从去年毕业旅行后,我的胃口骤然变小,让我一直怀疑肚子是不是生虫了。直到今年年中,当我开始每天做掌上压和在早餐摄入比较丰富的蛋白质后,我的胃口渐渐变大了。终于,隔了好久,吃东西变回一种享受。用热腾腾的食物填饱懂得喊饿的肚子,是多么简单的幸福和满足。体重第一次超过六十公斤,说起来可能有点好笑,但我却觉得这是非常了不起的成就呢。

只是残酷的是,二十五岁的新陈代谢毕竟不如年轻时强。意外仆街摔伤的伤口居然要两个月才能痊愈,运动前需要热身才能出劲出力,没穿球鞋运动竟然让膝盖有点负荷不了……都是以前不曾感受过的,也是以前怎么想也想不到的问题。

以前不懂得照顾身体或许还可以,现在不懂得照顾身体,后果可能就很糟了。二十五岁,真的是一个分水岭。

心境

身体素质不如前,但心里素质却强了很多。这个,是叫“成熟”吧。在经历翻天覆地的内心挣扎和增广见闻的心路历程后,这是我第一次接近将自己的性格定型,在个人内心到个人与他人的关系之间的善与恶、柔与刚、阴与阳、卑与亢、内与外、静与动、听与说、学与述、知与行之中,找到了比较完善的平衡。

这个平衡,对于我这个典型的双子来说,是很难得的。曾经一段时间,我常常被冰火两重天的情绪所困扰,但在更进一步掌控了情商之后,我逐渐明白情绪产生的原因,和接受它,从而能够理性地把情绪化为可贵的动力。其实,有什么样的情绪,为什么有这样的情绪,并不是那么重要,最重要的是如何接受和转化它。冰火两重天,在我现在看来,反而是不可多得的优点,因为感受过了冰和火,才能轻易地感受到别人的感受。

从至阴的随遇而安毅然破釜沉舟转向挑战未知,我已重拾失落的刚强,为过去那段阴柔的逆向叛逆寻找之路(我的父亲是至刚至强的极致代表),找到新的出口。我依然喜欢猫咪的细腻阴柔,却多了对飞鹰展翅高飞的欣赏。

持衡自强。

朋友

在职场上新认识了不少人,交了不少朋友,和其中几个变得挺要好的。年中通过和朋友的交流明白到原来存在这么一种划分:类型A会把朋友划成不同圈子,内圈是谈心事讲义气,关系亲密的知己,外圈是聚合玩乐的朋友;类型B把所有朋友都一视同仁,没有亲疏之分。因为自幼就有缘结识两个知己,所以我是铁打的类型A,倾向于把能信赖的、要好的归进内圈。

但也正因为如此,很多时候我总是被朋友的行为举止所影响和困扰,甚至产生失望。因为我总是对人存有期望,尤其是朋友。可是年中发生了一些事,让我明白到不是所有人都愿意把朋友变知己,聚乐原来才是普遍流行的朋友的概念。

我想了很久。于是我增加了一些聚乐的接受度,但我不放弃扩展内圈的可能。我始终相信,朋友,不应该仅仅是聚乐而已的。

财务

尽管惯于节俭,但今年有不少大笔的费用,譬如五月的韩国之旅、新添的电子产品(Netbook,I-phone)、初始投资的亏损等。在消费控制方面,今年实行了几个月的记录和观察,所以大致了解自己在不同方面的消费数额。吃的,随着食欲回来放松了一点;穿的,衣服没什么添(美国买了很多),鞋子添了几双;读的,已经倾向去图书馆借,除了非常新的新书。

节流,一向来不是什么大问题,但是开源,就仍在累积知识的阶段。四月时决定要开始累积实战经验,但后来一开始就亏了一点,就觉得在缺乏基础知识去实战是在玩俄罗斯轮盘,所以转去学习不同投资工具的基础。下半年后期的学习让自己对整体的金融财经和资金流动有了更全面的基本掌握,也让自己在阅读历史时多了一个有用的角度。

剩下的,就是在2009剩余的最后几天,计划一下未来五年之内想要累积的资本,金钱的分配和投资的回酬。

阅写

看看今年博文的数量,我或许可以自欺一下,语文能力,就算没有进也至少没有退吧。华文应该是如此,而英文应该有细微的进步。因为有持续阅读和写作,所以词汇数量和写作速度有些许提升,但没有时间去学习和检视语法。年中有一段时间学习了不少英文的字根和词源,算是受益不少吧。

至于阅读,今年目标是读十二本书,却没想到后半年沉溺在阅读,所以非常轻易地就超越了目标,大约数一数,今年应该读了二三十本书吧。

体育

今年还真得玩了不少体育项目。

篮球:参加了惠普的篮球比赛,掌握了一些基本的技战术,让我这个一直以来只是玩玩的门外汉开了不少眼界,也更享受篮球运动。

羽球:和惠普的同事打过几次,也给断线已久的球拍绑了线。

网球:去朋友的公寓学习和玩了几次。蛮喜欢这个运动,因为需要身体全方位的协调。

保龄球:也是和朋友玩了几次,从一开始的一直滚进沟渠,到现在掌握了一点技巧,strike得越来越爽了。

烹饪

目标是把拿手好菜加到十样,不过因为下半年自己租房住不能煮,也没有什么时间,所以其实没有真正去整理和总结。有试过煮麦片虾、苹果猪肉和三水姜蓉鸡(不过不是很成功),从双头妖师那里偷师了猪肚汤和马铃薯红萝卜焖肉,从四姨那里学了咸菜干碎炒蚬和猪脚醋,所以今年算起来还是有收获啦。

2009年,变之年,万事变动,我也在变。

2010年,期待着腾飞。梦,仍在寻……但寻梦者,首先不能丢失的,是时间。

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Integrity

It has been about a month to work as a property agent. Life is certainly good without wasting too much time. Before I embarking on this journey, some were afraid that I am too nice to work in such environment that is full of possibilities of fraud.

Perhaps it's true to a certain extent, but I believe I am not naive though I am nice. However, the question of integrity does pose a serious challange to me. After two weeks of directionless efforts without results, I had one friend wanted to rent out his condominium for short-term lease. I was relieved that finally I got a more powerful side to serve, albeit a difficult one as short-term needs are rare and harder to match.

So one senior director who just so happened sat beside me that time told me not to advertise renting out for short-term, but to advertise 1-year lease to lure normal tenants, state a minimum period in the contract, and ask the owner to give one-month notice to tenants before taking back. He said:"Do this kind of thing, cannot be so straight one." Was it the right thing to do? I puzzled the whole night.

The next morning I went on to search listings online, and found out that another senior director were marketing a condo for short-term lease as well. I was so happy to have seen the light and decided not to follow the first director's advice. And in fact, I was rewarded by luck to close the deal with first client that I have shown the unit, and got my first deal.

I thought I would have forgotten this event. But somehow I came across similar story again, with different main actors and script writer. I brought a client to view a unit for short-term lease, he didn't really like it. I went back to the unit after sending the client off, to exchange card with the landlord's agent.

And that's when I came into the play, as an unexpected figure. The other group of PRC tenants, without the presence of their agent, were having communication breakdown with the landlord's agent who is a Malay, due to limited english conservation skills. So I went on to become the free translator, facilitated the communication in between, and helped both sides to agree on the deal.

However, in a flash of moment, I captured a message among the group to know that they weren't informed by their PRC agent, that this rent is for short-term. The contract is a one-year lease with minimum staying period of 5 months. But I know this rent is really meant for short-term because the landlord's agent has informed me that the landlord intends to sell his house asap. After 5 months, they will be kicked out, LEGALLY. So someone is obviously playing the trick of not disclosing the essential information, the PRC agent. Against his own countrymen, BRILLIANT!

So the ball was on my court. Should I act like moral hero, disclose the information, ruin the deal that has nothing to do with me? Or should I just neglect it as I am not supposed to be involved in it anyway? Eventually I chose to be silent because the ball was supposed to be invisible to me. If I weren't nice, I would have just walked away. If I weren't smart, I would not have spotted the insight.

All of the above sound like excuses to make myself feel better. And certainly I do. In this kind of scenario, I am not going to punish myself for not speaking out. That is by all means that agent's fault and wrong doing. And it is different than not helping when a robbery or other crimes happen.

Think about it, it is done legally. Think about it, any party which includes landlord, landlord's agent, tenant and tenant's agent could be utilizing this loophole by hiding their intentions. Think about it, a series of accidents (landlord changes his mind to sell his house midway, landlord don't like tenant and like to kick them out, tenant decides to go back home country midway, tenant don't like the place after a while etc) could have caused the same event (contract to be terminated by either side after minimum staying period). So in the contract, interest of both parties has already been protected by the one month notice.

But being legal doesn't mean being right. Not disclosing essential information that could have affetcting other's decisions is not right. On the same scenario, I have chosen to disclose while that agent have chosen not to disclose. Should I help him to disclose as well? I don't think so. I can only control what I do and affect other slightly but I cannot control how others do things. I can't be hero and save everyone, because even hero can't save everyone. You have to be smart yourself.

Well, everyone lives their own life. Which path you want to take, it's entirely up to you; but where the path will lead you to, it's not entirely up to you. You just pay the price of your decision. Some people have thrown away their sense of guilt and keep jeopardizing their integrity in exchange for short-term gains. I hope they don't wake up to the call of their conscience, because once they do, they will subject themselves to insurmountable sufferings.

There are many ways to success, but I always believe that integrity is vital for long-term success. I have seen examples that justfiy my belief. The only thing is that, of all the thing, integrity is the one that is immeasurable.

P/S: The above red paragraph is also dedicated to the fat landlord bitch that swallows our deposit of $2600.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Nice quote from Eliot

Do not follow where the path may lead.

Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

~ T.S Eliot

Onset of demise

How often an empire was built from courage that breeds from war, and how often its demise started from the negligence during peace. It has never been changed, from the ancient kingdom to modern conglomerate. It will never be changed, due to the fundamental human weakness: complacency. Failure breeds success, success breeds complacency, and complacency leads to collapse.

Where is the prophecy to predict the onset of demise? History, as history will repeat itself, as long as the fundamental weakness exists. It is a little bit funny though, in spite of super advancement in science, technology, business and virtually every areas, this weakness is still so STRONG.

Look at the common notion about stories of successful models or whatsoever, and compare with the universal perception about alarms of possible crisis. Don't you think peoples are more interested in knowing the former one although the latter one may hold more truths? Shouldn't it be more critical to know how not to fail first before pursuing the knowledge of how to success? Yet peoples are quick to criticize warnings if it didn't turn out right(or didn't turn out right fast enough for them to realize), while do not question hard enough on successes, even when these success are short-lived (which means they shouldn't be hailed in the first place as they are bound to fail as they capitalize on long-term benefit to create illusionary success) or subjected to survivorship bias.

It has been proven psychologically that, human tends to attribute success to own efforts while put the blame on environment for failures (self-serving bias), though the reverse scenario are more likely.

On top of this, perhaps it is even harder to realize that things could take million years to build, but just need a second to be ruined. Infallible? What a damn good joke.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Recent reads

Have red two books recently, but would like to just do a quick summary but not thorough analysis here, as I shouldn't have put too much time on here. May re read them in the future.

1. Freakonomics by steven d.levitt and stephen j.dubner

- Peel off one layer or two of seemingly logical "common sense" by applying statistical tools of econonics to determine the direction of correlation and discover hidden links.

- Human works for incentive and that's what economist interested to figure out and model it, from micro to macro.

- Examples touched on:
a) school teachers - cheating?
b) sumo wrestlers - match rigging?
c) Ku Klux Klan - incoherence of roles exposed lead to its demise
d) real-estate agent - incentives work against you?
e) drug dealers - except the top mafias, most don't earn enough, but endure and hope to make it big one day
f) criminal rate fall - self-contradicting explains from so-called experts and hidden link with abortion legalization
g) parenting - does nurturing / parenting really matter?

2. The origin of brands by al & laura ries

- A fascinating book from marketing gurus that build its theme around the law of natural selection in business world - divergence. It argues that like natural selection, products and brands expand in such a way that split into more and more branches, instead of convergence. This book gives a lot of examples and it's definitely eye-opening even though you may not agree with the central theme 100%.

- Different technologies do not converge, but each technology split further into more sophisticated field to cater for niche market.

- Convergence may not always fail when value of convenience are created but convenience only has small roles to play in the overall business market.

Pessimism of the will

"Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will."

Came across this motto in the newspaper and like it so much. It is like speaking out something that I want to say for long, in such a clear fashion.

I don't like the general notion of the exclusivitity of pessimism and optimism. For me both co-exist and fluctuate interchangebly, it's only as of this moment which end do you incline towards. But that's not the main theme here. Compare the motto with the following:

"Optimism of the fool, pessimism of the will."

and you will know why I shouted eureka.

As the old Chinese saying goes, no one can live without worries. The question is, which aspect of life should you worry and how do you face it and conquer it. Worries don't really kill but avoidance and ignorance kill.

And hence, to me, first sentence is a powerful and motivating motto; while second sentence, is nothing more than lazy escapism. Let's face it, life is not always a bed of roses. Quality time does not always has to be lying on the bed, and rest is the reward for hardwork, but not an end by itself.

Pessimism of the intellect spots unavoidable problems and brings forward the necessary worries, for the optimism of the will to plan strategies and solutions.

Two useful sites for investment knowledge

These two local sites can help you to grasp solid knowledge and insights about investment ideas and tools.

http://www.moneytalk.sg/

http://www.wisewealthbook.com/

There is another book that I recommended to another friend who asked me on how to start studying investment. You can borrow it from any library.

"Financial services in singapore - Tan Chwee Huat"

Sometimes I feel like sharing out of what I have learnt but I think at this infant stage, I would be better off spending time to read and absorb instead of writing out to share. Without the vast knowledge and experience, my work may look like a rubbish as compared to those blog articles.

And hence, I recommend you to read both sites as the starting point of your endeavour, if you, too, would like to embark on the same quest.

Currently I am reading on ETF, while some friends are studying CFD and options on equities. Looking forward to leverage the knowledge gained across.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

缓步前进

自由了接近两个星期。我并没有全力以赴地作地产经纪,而是在多方面缓步前进。现在的没有事做,和被聘请着时的没有事做,差了个词:收入。偶尔会为无收入而忧心忿忿,但我知道万事起步难,既然釜已破了舟已沉了,就应该沉得住气。虽然我不是分秒都在做着与赚钱有关的活动,但至少我没有在浪费时间。


这一年,是拿来流浪进修的,能否挖到金只是其中一项考验。累积知识、增长见识、克服心魔、寻找方向和破除云雾,用时间来全面升华生活,为人生的下三季奠基,才是我的终极目标。

Saturday, November 14, 2009

成人礼

二十五岁,两次丧礼,两次转职,毕业后的一年半,像是在过成人礼。不知死,焉知生?人生漫漫,路有千百条,叠在不同的脚印上,要怎么走?

有幸看到灵堂前的猫哭老鼠,真长见识。死后一切尘归尘,土归土,究竟什么重要,什么次要,
什么虚幻,什么实在?我已不再幻想寻找真理的鸦片管,也不渴望最后的救赎。

做好自己,扶助他人,心宽性灵,问心少愧,管它天堂地狱,一切重在今世。

接到噩耗,火速回家。其实这事早已在大家的预料之中,只是当那刻到来时,仍会带来冲击。当电话另一端传来母亲少有的哭泣声,我的心情变得好沉重。

于是隔了数个月,我坐了第一次的飞萤机飞回家,回去见他的最后一面,回去给已渐老迈的母亲精神上的安慰。父亲说隔了一层之痛至少相差一半,而我这个隔了一层又隔了一代的,又相差多少呢?我不知道,但我尽量去找寻记忆,尽管不多。

除了每年例常的红包,他给过我不少张邮票,但我忘了是谁在我年轻喜欢收集邮票时和他说我有这个嗜好,是母亲吗?还是父亲?琳琅满目的各国邮票,当时让我如获珍宝;只是我已经很久没回去我的房间了,很久没掀开堆放在那里的邮票簿。现在翻阅,或许我已不记得哪一张是他送的,哪一张不是。

尽管相处的机会不多,但我大约能联想到他怎样走过。他年轻时挖过矿,毕竟前一代的人都是刻苦耐劳做日晒雨淋的工作来养家,不是挖锡米洗琉琅,就是伐木开桥造路。母亲在嫁出门前,没和他说过几句话,是因为他那时的脾气很暴躁?还是因为那时候的思想,还是封建的男尊女卑?

但当我偶尔和他一起上升旗山时,那时候接近九十高龄的他已是很慈祥。走到一半,他突然走去路旁伸手摘下不知名的叶子,折成一半拿去嘴边舔了舔,然后和我说以前的人生病就会来摘草药,只要叶汁不涩,就不会有毒。他摘了另一片递给我,我迟疑了一会才接过来折了舔一舔,的确没有苦味。自然我没有问为什么他知道这种叶子没有毒。

于是我开始听他慢慢谈起他年轻时的爬山经历,明白了为什么老虎是山中之王,因为它只要低声一吼,就能传遍全山震慑人心。听着听着,我仿佛看到了他过去活跃的青春。一大班朋友,定时定期攀山越岭,从这个山头跑到那个山头,从那个山头跑去另一个山头,一路上挥汗如雨天南地北,那是多么恣意的年华。他的眼神,自然地流露出自信自豪和一丝丝的怀念……那一段日子,或许是他人生里最享受的岁月吧。

无奈岁月催人老,时间总有无情停止的一天。他当初的朋友们,有多少早已先去,至仅剩聊聊数人来致悼。坐夜时,看到一个年龄相近的老婆婆独自默默地来,独自默默地走。看着缓缓远去的那头白发,我在内心揣测,那时候的她,心情会有多复杂呢?原来,这才叫凄凉。先走的,少了享受的岁月;后走的,多了无尽的唏嘘。

千古不变,唯生老病死。吵吵闹闹坠下来,安安静静沉下去。当死亡带走生气,四周都变得肃静,是为默哀。

安息吧,阿公。

Saturday, November 7, 2009

HP Procurement Engineer - I

Good bye Alexandra, and here ends my 11-month stay in ATP-B. It has not been even a year , but I believe I have learnt and gained much experience and insights about work, than some others that may need more than a year to achieve.

It is not my abilities, but rather special situations that have made me grow from near drowning. Just merely after the first lunch in the company with friends (instead of with boss), I was told that tomorrow, which was only my second day of work, I had to go to a place in Johor.

"Supplier's factory."

"How do I go?"

"Look for Nigel, he knows how to travel there." (Who's Nigel?)

"Can I have his number?"

"Hi, Nigel, this is..., ..., and ... so where should I wait for you?"

"HPAM, 452, in front of the shuttle bus waiting area." (What's HPAM? Where's shuttle bus area)

So I was given an unknown task, to meet up with an unknown person and to go into an unknown area. And I did not have too many minutes to hesitate for calling the "unknown person", asking for more details, nor did I have too much time to wander around because the first place to know was not my office but the HPAM area. Luckily I still had Luke to show me around.

Hence on second day I sat on the car together with Nigel and went into CJH. Celestica Johor. Every steps in the factory, everything that I saw, every person that I met, were new and unfamiliar.

"So, do you have any questions? If you have questions you can just ask, I will try my best to tell you all."

"Not at this moment, you just tell me whatever you can recall."

Keeping my head down, I was just too busy jotting down every names, processes, stations, abbreviations, states, situations, problems, solutions, or basically every words, be it related or not because I wouldn't know.

My worries started to creep in. Two more weeks and I had to take over the plant transfer and manage it. How would it turn out? Would I be fine? I had no idea. Without any technical background and prior working relationship with the supplier, I could only pray that these two weeks to move slowly.

It wasn't really a tough period as I could still tag along Nigel and learn as much and quick as I can. But I know I have to walk every quick steps very carefully in order not to slip. I had only one day to go back to company on the second week, to get everything (badge, email, digital key and remote access) done, so that I could work in supplier's factory.

Luckily suppliers are nice peoples. Maybe because I am their customer, or maybe because I am a Malaysian. Though working hour was long and tiring, I could still handle it. I worked for 11 days continuously since the first day. I spotted the Mod0 capacity issue as a gating for mass production run and raised it before it became critical. You may wonder why it was me as a new arrive to have spotted this, that's because you have no idea how messy and chaotic the whole factory was, where every working men had been stretched to the fullest, chased and expediated for different objectives.

And then came the storm during the X'mas shutdown period. PCB quality issue had caused two high yield losses and line downs, created the lime light from the world and attracted boss's boss to travel down. Worked until 5am once. Dealt with two bosses directly. Daily update. Maybe it's normal for a seasoned colleague, but for a fresh graduate like me, I just felt it's quite stressful sometimes, especially at the moment of receiving sms-es from bosses in the morning. Nevertheless I did rise to the occasion, done what I should have done, and learnt quite a few important things in this work.

It was especially delightful to receive a compliment from a US folk whom I had forgot his name, that "I think you have done pretty well. If I were you, coming out fresh from the oven, I would have stumbled and crumbled." Even if he was just being kind, I have been strongly encouraged. Because I never like the idea of using "freshness" as an excuse to avoid responsiblity or accountability. People may excuse my mistakes due to my inexperience and rawness but it is just not something that I should rely on.

I have no complaints of what I had to go through, nor did I complain to others about my manager for putting me into such situation. I rationalize things and only grumble if things could have been done in a better way. In this case, I don't see any other option. If it wasn't for this, perhaps in the first case I would not have been hired, wasn't it? In fact, later when I finally befriended most of my colleagues, I even played down their tones against my manager in gossiping talks, because their opinions were off the mark though were out of good heart, as they did not have the whole picture in mind.

Of course I did sigh and moan sometimes, but that's more to relieve my emotions.

And hence the first month of super steep learning had finally passed. My hardest earnt monthly salary so far.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

<书籍>山寨风暴


在短时间内翻阅了“苹果奇迹”和这本“山寨风暴”,接触到一点现代企业的发迹发展、物资流动、行销网络、产业链和其他方面的知识,但还要花一段长时间才能粗略掌握全貌。

尽管我还没读懂整本书,但其中一段灼见让我如拾珍宝深思良久,特于此分享。

“跨国企业的CEO在2008年之前的薪酬高得吓人。根据统计,美国2007年百大企业CEO的年均收入是1440万美元。他们过去为赢得自己的高薪常玩的游戏是,不管内外环境如何变化,一味设立每年的盈利成长目标,好为自己追求高额分红利益。

而为达成这个不利企业长期发展的目标,他们的作法有两大招术:一是在其国内的工厂如果达不到利润要求的水准就关厂,将单子移到国外厂去生产;二是逼迫国外委托代工厂压低利润,很少想到改善自己的营业能力与考量合作厂商的合理利益。当然,这些跨国企业CEO的超高薪酬一定是由消费者买单。”

如此简单易明的潜规则,也难怪他们乐此不疲。如是的伎俩,叫管理吗?如是的浅见,是领导吗?当“成长大于一切”已经在被反思时,CEO一味以“盈利成长”的单方向号召前进,不惜牺牲企业长期的利益,竭泽求鱼只为中饱私囊,杀鸡取卵只为一己私红,合什么理?

过去十年间,高层经理人的综合薪酬涨幅惊人,而员工的薪酬涨幅还不如通膨率。而在这十年间,企业的成长率是否同样高,足以合理化他们的涨幅?这些涨幅,恐怕不是由书籍里所说的,由消费者买单,而是由辛辛苦苦为企业拼搏的基层职员买单。

在这样的大环境下,还要人把工作当梦想,实在是太乌托邦了。一将功成万骨枯也罢,最无语的是,那将领或许不过平庸之辈,却还能功成。不思长进却还能左右逢源,让我老实不服气。

这种“发展”模式,维持不了多久。我潜心等待泡沫破灭的那刻。

<书籍> 狮城往事


前几个星期借了这本书,一天看几页,最近终于看完。作者的文笔普通,但笔下的故事却格外珍贵,故事背景的年代相隔大半个世纪,当年往事对我来说非常陌生,一如时下发展对前人来说匪夷所思一样。

从细致地描述日常生活的衣、食、住、行,到回忆二战前后困苦搏斗的岁月,笔者带读者“进入一段陌生却属于我们的岁月,走入一个模糊却属于狮城的空间”。

其实,这些往事虽然发生在狮城,却不是仅仅属于狮城人的记忆,而是马新共同的记忆。无论在英治时期还是在昭南时代,马新都是作为一个整体被看待的,在同一片天空呼吸,在同样的气息下生活,用同样的步伐前进,被系在同样的命运之轮。当然,这些不过是题外话。

尽管这些事看似与我毫无相关,但我却认为,对历史长河仅有断裂的认识,多少会扭曲对当下生活的体验和局势发展的判断。而近代,相较于古代,更贴近地影响着时下,也更重要,却往往仍未盖棺定论而迷糊不清,所以这也是为何我说:这些往事是格外珍贵的。

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Two paths

Two paths:

Path A: Lazy to get things done - piling - accumulating - rolling - procrastinating - learn how to avoid - learn how to delegate - learn how to leverage - learn how to bull shit - learn how to smoke -----> Eventually things need to be done are still there. Nothing has been moved, nothing has been solved, nothing has been done. When the bomb explodes either the person dies or his successor dies.

Path B: Want to get things done - trying - pushing - driving - analyzing - moving but slowly - learn how to absorb - learn how to communicate - learn how to collaborate - learn how to co-operate ------> Eventually things get better slowly. Something has been cleared, something has been cleaned, something has been done, but not everything becomes perfect and problems still exist. This makes the room for improvement, building on predecessor's efforts to make things better and better.

In either path, we can never work alone. Those who choose path A and "work" alone, will soon be fired; and those who choose path B and work alone, will soon become tired.

And hence, first thing first, there is a need to ensure no room for players to choose path A and create the abusing downward spiral. Because, when too many people walk path A with too less people doing the real job, the bomb just grows bigger and bigger. When it explodes, all will die.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The irony of guardian

Somehow I feel that those who at least get the basic works done in job, tend to have a deeper hunger to free themselves from the routine chain and seek for something higher. One that defends the castle the most is one that wishes to leave the castle the most. How ironical is that? Maybe I am biased but I have seen quite of number of them.

To a certain extent this looks contradicting. If you don't like what you are doing, why are you still safeguarding the responsibilities? You can learn various skills like "tai-chi" to survive in the workplace.

But in fact, it only becomes truly contradicting if one seeks to free himself for something higher, and yet use dirty tricks (tricks are not necessary dirty) to achieve so. Means and ends must go in one direction.

Of course the "something higher" means values and principles.

午后陽光

空無一人的校園
籬線上低垂的淺紫
迎著斜照的金黃
放工的午后
天空特別晴朗
路邊三兩行人散步
綠叢幾朵黃花微笑
小鳥飛滑去天邊
仍趕不上回收的光線
大地就這樣開始入夜

偶遇最燦爛的時光 難留片刻
等待最燦爛的日子 不爭朝夕
運有旺滯 氣有盛衰 急緩有數 才是真速度

Sunday, October 25, 2009

命水

幸福的家庭都相似,不幸的家庭各不同。
善良的脸孔都相似,不善的面具各不同。
温馨的时刻都相似,不良的祸事各不同。

感触良多,只好借用和补充托尔斯泰的句子。

我现在是很幸福的,不过却不是所有人的起跑点能和我一样。当然也有起跑点比我好的人,不过有几个是只顾自己跑的?

水往下流,我看人最好还是别太轻易知足了,知足可是需要福气的。

The worry of wisdom

Sometimes I wonder if gaining wisdom harms, where too much of ugly truths are just unbearable when the mind is weary. And yet, it is dangerous if ignorance causes wrong negligence at the wrong time. Though chances are low, the cost to pay is deadly when it happens.

Between incessant little bites and immediate killing blow, which one is less suffering?

经验 - 相不相关

既然前文强调了“经验”的重要性,就顺带谈一下所谓的“经验”。

作为初生之犊,我们很自然地会在很多情况下,发觉“经验”有被审视的需要,尤其当一些所谓有“X年工作经验的”人的作风总是让人愤怒时。应该说,年岁不等于经验,正如待在公司里不等于有做工一样。因而,”相关“的经验,还是值得尊重的;但相不相关,就至关重要。X年的工作经验,究竟是X年的打太极经验,还是X年的实干经验?

相关的经验,是越多越好,越广越好。但在这个大千世界啊,谁会说自己的经验不相关呢?呵呵。

浅谈脑力

前几天看到一篇关于科学与科技的文章,是说两者是在不断共同演进的,很少鸡先还是蛋先的问题。更重要的是,两者都是演进出来的,而不是如陨石般从外星降落,或如电子般突然飞跃。

看来,无论是生活哪一方面的灵感,都是努力和运气两者的共同累积。创新,是在积累现有知识和技术的基础上,演变出来的。直觉,是在潜意识或无意识中混合不同经验的各种触觉,表露出来的。至于如何,就要看那神秘的大脑了。由此可见经验、阅历和见识的重要,基础要稳要广才能叠得高。

在看Tony Buzan关于脑力和记忆的书,对于其帮助众说纷纭,所以不如直接亲阅。正如我的一位朋友说的,很多东西有没有用,是看你希望从东西那里得到什么。而我觉得,能不能从那里得到什么,还要看自己的层次和领悟力。

找一个最佳平衡

不如这样说,开始出来做工的,很少人不会经历我现有的烦恼,那些不烦忧的,一是还未开窍,二是早己找到答案。他们能够提早找到答案,因为他们更早开始了辛勤的栽种,承受着自审的风吹雨打,直至找到了适合的天地,才逐渐绽放出独特靓丽的花朵。从栽种到开花,可长可短,因人而异;但不耕耘就没有收获。要开出自定色的花朵,不可能不经历风风雨雨。梅花香自苦寒来,不是吗?

好比我一个朋友,自小对天文星象感兴趣,立志要当上宇航员,可惜却没有合格的身体素质。同时间,他对烹饪也很有兴趣,所以退而求其次,想当个大厨,却遭受家里强大的压力,因为做厨的,除非天资异于常人,否则一般的厨子,老实说前途难“亮”。这又不行,那又不行,怎么办?结果他在深思熟虑过后,从电子工程转去读营养学,因为还是做与食物有关的,所以还蛮乐于其学。兜兜转转,他终于在现实和梦想之间找到了一个最佳的平衡。

又如我最崇拜的足球教练温格,尽管他曾经想成为一个非常出色的球员,无奈太晚接触足球,早已失去成为当顶级球员的契机和需要累积的基础。但他没有放弃对足球运动的无比热诚,所以登上了今天的顶峰,成为世界数一数二的"教授"。

这两个例子,是我特意选的。尽管天生我才必有用,但关于梦想,是否每个人都可以找到、走向和实现呢?世界是随机的,现实是残酷的,机会是稀少的,所以才会有那么多的悲剧。你想做的,和你能做的,未必被缘份牵线;而现实中的种种限制:阶级、权力、权利、财富等,未必是你全部能突破的。想想看,有多少人会认为清洁工、搬运工、工厂工等形形式式的粗活,是他们的理想工作?而具格成为理想工作的,在社会中又占多少?

稍微想想都让人意志消沉,但这种种限制,不应是拿来打击你的,而是拿来激发你的。没错,竞争是残酷的,但只有竞争才能激发出求进心。就算最终我破不完所有的限制,至少我仍旧在努力突破,仍旧在向前迈进。每一个人,都有自己的起跑点,不像在田径赛,竞赛者都在同一起点和同一时间起跑。所以成功,绝对是自定义的,没有一套客观标准如身份、职业、财富来衡量。白手兴家的中产阶级,难道会比挥霍成性的富翁二代,更失败吗?到最后,能够衡量自己是否成功的,不过是一句扪心自问:我跑了我想完成的最长距离吗?尤其喜欢这个句子:“成功,是看你有没有最大限度地发展了自己的潜能。”

我明白不是所有人都能实现自己的梦想,而我始终没忘记中学数学补习老师Mr.Hin的致别语:“Do what you like, like what you do",还有我心中的那份坚持:敬业乐业。工作能和兴趣合二为一,当然最好;合不成,也要并行共进,就算速度慢了点,至少也是最佳的平衡。

我醒悟特别迟,所以才决定从奔向错误方向的火车上跳轨,找寻属于自己的天空,在属于自己的大地上奔跑。有很多人问我为何有火车不坐却宁愿行走,我想乘着火车就算越过了更长的距离,也不是我想完成的最长距离,我又何必拘泥于成功的”大众定义“和以这种定义来论英雄的看法,而错过了“出轨”的最佳岁月?

犯错,只要不致命,就是学习的最佳捷径。
出走,只要没失责,就是寻志的最快方法。

兜兜转转,没有搭上当初的火车,跳不到今天的轨。
跌跌撞撞,没有跳出今天的火车,找不到明天的梦。
摇摇晃晃,搭上生活的真正列车,开一趟自己的路。

Friday, October 23, 2009

坠翔倒数

觉得现在的自己有点恐怖,第一次不再随遇而安不让命运为我绘图划路,第一次真正决定、规划和准备出海的风帆,逼自己去面对变幻莫测的天气,内心却蕴藏着从来没有过的猛火,兴奋得有点颤抖。

自决定的那一刻起,我在生活的很多方面都有了变化。自毁长城,把懦弱心踩在脚下;拒绝妥协,让叛逆值升到最高,这都不是以前的我,至少不是表露出来的我。

我记得在很长的一段时间内,在刚强和柔软之间,我总是更欣赏柔软,因为我害怕刚强会绞杀掉我细腻的感受,让我变得冷漠无情,毕竟善感是前一段启发带来的瑰宝。但把两者对立起来更像是我抗拒改变的借口,现在看起来,两者其实不矛盾,以刚强为钢架,以柔软为混凝,方能散发最亮的光芒,少了哪一个生活都将失色。少了刚强,内心被过多的忧愁囚禁,生活停滞不前;少了柔软,内心被过旺的拼劲堵塞,无尽的忙盲茫。

因而,我想通了。善良,不是懦弱,而是扶弱。没有柔软,再强大也不会瞄弱者一眼;没有刚强,再细腻也只能明哲保身。扶弱,刚好把刚强和柔软溶在一起,同时闪耀着勇气和同情心的光芒,因而为快乐之本。

在柔软过盛的情况下,我唯有通过克服最深的怯懦,释放出最大的勇气,才能做到刚柔并济。而这最深层的怯懦,就是害怕为未来规划,害怕去找寻自己的梦想。或许我太为自己的适应能力而自豪,太相信自己的临场发挥,太得意于随遇而安的潇洒,所以尽管处于长期困惑,却找不到一个答案。

到现在找到了答案,我才真正明白,人生只把握在自己的手中,只有亲手规划,才能活出最精彩。当然,我不会漏掉那最强大的催化剂:留给我成功的时间,真得并不多。

举头望鹰,不如立志奋斗。

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Work-sickaholic

I am so close to sleep but yet one email triggers my serene mind to turn on urge to express a ruminating thought that has been in my mind for long.

I want to separate between workaholic and work-sickaholic. I don't know does this term exist but it just strikes my chord. While most of people are sick of long-hour works (not for / against, just a statement), some people are sick. Work makes them sick, real sick.

If those works are like doctors - saving life, teachers - nourishing talents, developers - building things, leaders - bearing responsibilities and so on, I have nothing but due respect for those that devote their precious time in contributing to the society and lifting others up.

If those works are mere routine activities or exercises, of which shallow meaning could be dug out, hands off and get a life! No one is going to read these emails at 11PM, so what on earth sending out at this hour, to exert unnecessary, unwise and meaningless pressure on employees?

I admire workaholic. Perhaps to a certain extent I am, but I draw a very clear line between workaholic and work-sickaholic. I can't despise them as they do work, but I feel awfully unease. Life is short, so time could have been spent on much more meaningful events.

Of course I have nothing to say if that's what they seek. But I term it as sickaholic because I think what drives them are waves of fears from dark vortex. One fine day they will realize they are patients.

Or am I the patient actually?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

魄力

智慧来源于敏锐的洞察深刻的思考坚持不懈的努力。魄力来源于思考后的选择和判断,选择和判断之所以果敢是因为思考的深入和信念的坚定。魄力本身就包含了智慧,没有智慧的“魄力”只能是卤莽。情感冷漠意志薄弱的人是不可能拥有智慧和魄力的。- 转载 《雅虎知识堂》


想法:锲而不舍地“观察 - 思考 - 判断“,让整个思维流程一气呵成,“运筹帷幄之中,决胜千里之外”,多么潇洒。这种魄力,是智力和勇气的完美结晶。情感冷漠的,毅力再盛,也只能有暴君的凶狠;意志薄弱的,善心再大,也只能有弱者的悲哀。这句警戒,太符合我心中所想,巧合地概括了我的现实观察,欣喜。

vis

This is the first time I feel so much importance about vision, a vision that envisages the outlook of events and draws the colourful rainbow in the sky of future. If we do not believe that tomorrow is a sunnier day and future will be brighter, what are we holding on to live? If we do not believe that we can change to become better and brighter, what are we holding on to exist? Hope, could be all that one has.


If, the cruel cold hard harsh environment prohibits growth and dims hope, leave for better future is the only option, though tremendous risks may be just outside the door. If, in the worst case that leaving is not an option, then there are two choices: overthrow evils that are crowning if you are powerful enough, or accumulating power to assist in making such scenario more likely. We might not reap what we sow for long, but at least seeds are planted.

It is a war of vision, as no vision or false vision are what make evils. Taking things when they come or strike, is too late and powerless. The only counter, is vision.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

鲁钝

忘了从哪里看到“宁生败家子,莫生鲁钝儿”或类似这样的句子,因为败家的最多把家产败光,害不到别人;但鲁钝的,害了人却可能不知道,点不通又怪不了,终极无奈。


觉得挺有道理,却Google不到这个句子。但我深信很少天生注定鲁钝的,因为人类大脑的潜能无限大、无限广、无限深,就看几时能被启发而已。

Contra

I think we often have contradicting needs, like having a little pair of angel vs demon near our ears. That's why we are complicated and none of us is exempted. The only difference is, some are aware of this some are not. For those that are aware, they can minimize (but not eliminate) contradicting themselves and become clearer in their life pursuits. Or, they can house both voices and yet maintain a sweet balance to adapt to ever-changing environment. For those that are not, they can moan about one thing today and grief about another thing tomorrow, without knowing that those two things actually contradict against each other. Or, they can further deceive themselves that they are faultless and develop themselves into a pseudo moralist or hypocrite.


In much simpler term, no pain no gain. We all dream about gain without painting the pain in the picture, and fool dreams about all types of gains and stay scared of all kinds of pains. What a wonderful land! But reality is revolving around yin and yang, without yin there will not be yang, and vice-versa. Just like there will not be any happiness if there is no sadness. The question is, how much more can we minimize sadness and maximize happiness. Some move forward for better future, and some are pushed forward by greater evil of past. A better choice of two fortunes or lesser of two evils? Depends on which way you are more inclined to see it, but I don't think we can have wholesome happiness if we do not have the slightest sense of sadness.

"But hey, why bother so much about this?"

"Oh yeah, you are welcome to stay in your wonderland. It's me that couldn't afford such luxury, or no one grants me such luxury."

You can have the best of each road but you could only choose one to walk. The road that you choose not to continue, and its alongside sceneries that you would miss perhaps forever, are called sacrifices. - C'est la vie.

Monday, October 19, 2009

又一宗

今天和朋友去West mall的Bali Thai吃饭,却不幸又遇上了服务态度差劲的侍应。又是那种一脸漠然,对什么事都不闻不问的态度。我内心又不禁骂了出来:什么鸟人?什么鬼服务态度?


首先,既然餐单没有注明菜式的大小,作为侍应就应该主动说明,而不是等到我点菜之后才说这是小的,然后用生硬的声音播出千遍一律的陈述:小的两人份,中的两到四个人份。到我点好了一样菜,他仍然无动于衷,没有继续说明其他菜式的分量也是小的,直至我问清楚。这是黑店嘛?

第二,当我要求四杯冷开水时,他也冷冰冰地回答说餐馆只卖矿泉水。作为侍应,应该明白其他餐馆普遍提供冷开水,这间餐馆不提供已是劣势。摆明限顾客叫饮料,不是不可以,但请自知理亏而用温和的语气。一句冷冰冰的回答,当我是傻菜头吗?自愿被砍还要装开心?

第三,他漏写了一样菜。我们等了好久没等到烤鱿鱼,一看餐桌上的餐单,才发觉又是他搞的!真是不可原谅了,但我觉得他无可救药,所以连提醒他犯错的劲都没了。另一个朋友有劲,把他叫了过来解释,结果他反倒说他没写漏,可能他在重复我们的点菜时,我们没确认好。真是睁着眼睛说瞎话,他连重复点菜都没做!

真是对他彻底失望,但他也再一次印证了我的观察,对于这种对任何事都不闻不问的倒米员工,外界的施压完全无用。请到他,这餐馆很倒霉。但从餐单的疏漏和不提供开水的策略,也显示着这餐馆的失败,妄想留得住顾客。

和店小二、Billy Bombers的服务态度比起来真是天差地远。

Friday, October 16, 2009

邪不胜正

我一时忘了为什么对其中一个同事早有戒心,还以为自己的第六感真得那么厉害,直到最近才想起,刚做工不久就因为一件事而察觉到不妥。

那件事,就是他用“茅招”,通过我来打听老板的消息。明明老板在我身旁,却假传讯息说老板有事找我,让我纳闷了两秒,过后才恍然大悟。我明白一个员工要确认无政府状态的渴望,但是却搞不懂他为什么不可以单刀直入,而取道旁门。想要掩饰,也不用好一点的伎俩,明明是下三滥的手段,却以为自己出的是高招,直教我打从心里鄙视,从那一刻起就挖沟筑墙。

时隔十个月,收到从不同管道传来的讯息和经历不少事件后,我终于明白什么叫声名狼藉。可怜他还活在自己的世界,以为用表面的魔术忽悠了全世界,却不知道早已被众人唾弃。当然,凭着厚黑术,他还可以生存下去,但就仅仅是生存下去,在没有朋友的情况下,生存下去。

基本上,谁和他在哪一方面同组,谁就颜面无存,因为那一方面总被他丢尽了脸。最好他别称自己叫男人,真教我无地自容。真希望,有一天,他会看到林肯的这句话:“你可以在某些时候欺骗所有的人,也可以永远欺骗某些人,却不能永远欺骗所有人。”

邪金耐不住时间的真火,因而,最重要的还是心术正,心水清。其道不正,其术也歪。

古人管理之道

加强和辅助管理的工具多不胜数,但我总觉得,能用工具而不去深究道理的,只是工匠,而非大将。无心于道,再多的术也是徒然,能学不能精。

或许我有偏见,趋势读了MBA的,可能还不如稍懂中国历史的更懂得管理。古人的智慧,顺手捎来就能当管理的金科。一句“得人心者”,可得天下;一本资治通鉴,可治天下。

以身作则
知人善用
赏罚公平
轻重分明
职责明确
传交有序
刚柔并济
软硬兼施

想想就能总结出这八句,但在现实里却似乎不常见。知人方能善用,但有些老板连你做什么都不知道呢,更遑论知你,好好用你了。这些原则,用于管理;再加上眼光、远见和魅力,就是领导。

【这篇文章和这些总结,憋了很久才在今天写出来。现时的我只能空口说,但我不害怕证明自己,当机会到来时。】

Monday, October 12, 2009

皮笑

这个世界,其实很好玩。和虚构的武侠世界一样,正派会有岳不群,魔教会有张无忌,若真正数起来,这世间何止千百派?


有时候,你可以从惯常的笑脸之外的只言片语,得知一个人内心比你更灰暗。笑脸于他,是生存的面具,更是调适内心的平衡木。你别看他幽默搞笑,其实他把别人看得很负面。一是唯我独尊的帝王优生派,二是唯恐不乱的悲观逃离派。他往往能放大你的短处,却珍惜不了你的长处;勉强看到你的能力,却看不到你的潜力。和这种人谈话其实很辛苦,因为他让你短暂地欢愉,却永远地沉沦。凭什么你把我看得如此负面?因为唯你独善?因为你已对世界绝望?

如果无条件地宽恕是人间最伟大的力量,因为它体现了人最大的善;那么无条件地猜忌就是最邪恶的力量,因为它体现了人最大的恶。就算笃信人性本恶,若要完成最后的救赎,不是靠自私地渴望天堂,而是要去相信人能向善,促进人间和善。

我觉得,真理在地心说被日心说推翻,人类不再以自我为中心的那一刻,就彰显了。

批评

批评的尺度不易拿捏,但有些人不会去顾忌,一种是可爱的直肠子,一种是可怕的独裁者。后者以批评为独门利器,不管情势如何,不理会你死活,总是不刺不爽。


显妖镜有两种,百试百灵。第一种是建议他设身处地为被批评的想一想,而你将会得到如此回应:“管他的,我只顾我的批评。”这样子,才能肆无忌惮地批评,高招吧!第二种是尝试提出不同见解,泼泼他冷水,他一定会摇身变成战斗公鸡,雄赳赳地跟你拼了,不是比道理,而是拼大声。

终究而言,他是为出气而批评、为泄恨而批评、为批评而批评、为破坏而批评,为什么而批评都好,就不是为了建设而批评。这样的人,不恐怖吗?

正如我之前写的,中庸的其中一点,在于懂得拿捏批评的尺度。但我主观认为,从沉默到学会批评,比从滥批到适度批评,更容易。全因家庭环境的熏陶。一路以来,母亲都把排骨炸焦,使我以为炸排骨应该是黑色的。直至有一次父亲有空,煮了一餐更可口美味的炸排骨,全家才知道原来炸排骨应该是黄褐色的。我永远忘不了父亲转身的那句叮咛:“不做就唔好出声,出声就要做得更好。”,那一刻我深深折服,仿佛就是“不在其位,不谋其政”的完美体现。(只不过,就因为这个不出声,吃了几年焦排骨。@.@)

因而我很少批评,但我逐渐意识到学会批评的重要,否则要吃大亏。好比一只静静下蛋的母鸡,却给老是无事啼叫的公鸡抢尽风头和甜头,气难消!而现实中,这样的臭公鸡,多得是!所以,要么不批评,要批评就要顾及被批评者的处境。

P/S:若现在复制一个年轻的李光耀,恐怕他会在许多方面不认同现在的他,但他绝不会只站在那里,哭闹啼叫。不过,这也只能是我这个匹夫的无聊臆测而已。

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Know more? Think twice.

The more I know the more I have to let go, let go of such thought that, knowing more is the only way to reach destination. When I know more, I am enlightened that the world can revolve by pushing around, I am amazed by how smart some parasites are, and those who walked the path I intend to walk have left such a note: the more you know, the more work you have; the less you know, the less problem you have. Eventually, it boils down to one and only one simple question: why do I want to know more? Does the possession of knowledge genuinely makes me happy, as it has filled my curiosity, or it makes me feel more secured?


Knowing more is not the only way, perhaps not even the fastest or effective way to reach destination, but I get more than just reaching destination. It is not only ends that matter, or matter the most. Eventually, it points to one and only one final question: can I answer my own call of conscience and compassion?

Counting down. Starting up.

I have decided. This move is bold and adventurous in the eyes of most. Deep down my heart, I share the same fear, but I have my own solid reasons. Most elders support my decision, because having been through so many stages in life, they know much better about colours, flavours and scents of life.


Perhaps it is not so wise to make this profound, and I certainly appreciate advices against letting rumours run around, because it will leave me no chance to revert my decision and render me no other options than committing what I say. But this is exactly what I want. Though my reasons are sensible, I may be overrun by fear and fall back to comfort zone. The only way to avoid that is to cut down every possible paths and burn down hopes of alternatives.

I know for sure, that I need to conquer this fear, just like how I conquered the fear of commanding English, the fear of working and so on. It is exactly the same reason why I do not further my studies. I do not like to run away.

And yet, people like to judge according to norm, stereotype or what they think, if what they think is not norm or stereotype. When I started my first job, some colleagues said:"Why are you here? You shouldn't be here." When I started my second job, some colleagues said:"Why are you here? You shouldn't be here." And I know for sure, when I start my third job, some will say:"Why are you here? You shouldn't be here." I am not saying that I dislike constructive advice, but I just want to say that this kind of idiot-proof question exists everywhere. If I should not be at the place wherever I go, who is responsible for my destination if I am to follow any of the advice above? No one.

I seriously dislike the idea of "what kind of people should do what kind of job", and I believe that whichever path we take, we all have different destination.

To me, a lot of things weigh much higher than "technical knowledge".

柜台鸟人

连续两个星期,两个不同的场合,两个不同的柜台服务员,同出一辙的服务态度。都是爱理不理漠视一切的嘴脸,都是比僵尸还无神的眼球,像比天王老子还大,完全不需要理会和理解顾客的需求。老实说,真得看了就想揍他几拳("升他几拳兜巴给他死"),什么鸟人?聘请到这种“倒米”员工的人真倒霉。





Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Toughest call

I can have the best of each path, but I could only choose one to walk. Which path should I change to? My choice of change would change my life forever, which interests to take and which interests to leave?


The toughest decision in my life to make.

Day

In every day, we have things to worry, meals to enjoy, fatigues to overcome, surprises to meet and emotions to experience. At the end of the day, what most pleasing is to enjoy serenity in solitude before waltzing into anxiety-free dreamland. Don't carry over unnecessary burdens to tomorrow, don't bring forward unnecessary worries from tomorrow. At the end of the day, we could only live life day by day.

不知不觉沉睡去

小时候,在外工作劳碌了大半天的母亲往往在晚上看电视节目看到睡去,半夜醒来才回房间睡。而我和小猫,看着在沙发上坐着沉睡的她,总是很好奇。干嘛不直接回房间睡呢?床又大又暖。


原来是回房间睡要费神去催眠自己,反而睡不着;慢慢让电视的杂音消去一天最后的能量,反而更易入梦。

对于要睡就睡的我来说,没有这个烦恼;但我逐渐能体会,忙碌疲累到不知不觉地睡去,原来很美妙。朦胧醒来,还以为重新来到这个世界。

正如生命,本来就不知怎么来,也不知将怎么去,如此遥远地神秘,让我始终惊叹。


差之毫厘

细微之处,有的如四则运算的加减乘除,用错就答案全非;有的如代数的ABCD,再考究也无关痛痒。不是所有细节都能决定成败,什么是隐藏关键,什么是鸡毛蒜皮,不能混淆。判断不了,忽视了重要之处,却为真小事抓狂,结果恐怕很糟糕。

最终目的

打回家,提醒回我想要追求的最终幸福:简单的温馨。纵使现在应当做的是闯荡江湖增长见识,我不会让自己模糊本末;正如追求财富,不过是达致优质生活的手段。


想起一个同事,在一行字前凝视叹望。那行字,是“顾家的男人,没出息”。我深不以为然。别人没有眼光,又何必为争取狭窄视野的人的认同而烦忧。我认为他教导出出色的子女,伟大得很。

而我,闯荡在外,前方长路仍是遥遥漫漫。

几号巴士

瞻望天空,细瞄灰云层间的透光。人在车内坐着前进,却感受着窗外的风。旁逝的风景,永远留不住,只留下浅忆。该到站下车换不同号的巴士,我还未选好目的,身旁的脚步却早已纷纷匆匆。是否都是,匆匆上车,又匆匆下车?搭不完所有不同号的巴士,什么样的选择,有什么样的转折。每一段路线,有每一段的曲直。我和命运,究竟谁在操纵谁呢?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

双离

在电梯偶遇。


“我想提早通知。”
“对之前的顾虑没有影响?”

“问了,确认了没有。提早到你离去那天,可以吗?”
“当然可以,只要你想清楚了的话。”

“想好了就要做,再拖下去就不成气候了。你也不是一样?”
“看来接下来的日子动荡难免。”

“哈哈,你的才是地震海啸呢!我的算什么。”他也笑了,没有继续说什么。

挥手道别后,想起几个小时前的第一次也是最后一次的表现评估,我很奇怪地笑了出来。在这评估里,没有假的内容,但对两个即将离去的人,却更像是谢幕戏。

站在同样理解的高度上的对话,许多重要的讯息都不言自明,属言外之意。一笑,藏千意。或许生活的高度,只能在工作外找到。

心之幽弦

犯贱是触动心灵最深的哀歌,暗弦幽幽一拨,镜象朦胧散落,早已尽是迷茫却仍盼望着曙光。以宁顽的坚强撑住逐渐下滑的笑颊,眉头仍向外直坦,眼神却早已邃藏。远望静想,在时间中出神停荡,在喧闹里游离独唱。又一天,与寂弦音共伴天涯。

Saturday, September 26, 2009

学习榜样

今天和同事聊起我即将扬帆启程的航海,他和我分享他同学的故事。他这个朋友出身贫困,从来上学都只有一件破旧的校服,尝辛受苦易立志,于是读完中学后决意要出人头地,尤其不甘心埋没自己优秀的才华,结果在波涛的股海中奋斗,终于赚成今天几百万的身家。


从他的口中描述,我得知他这位朋友如何敏锐地察觉股票即时波动的升跌,如何联系不同市场、同样行业、不同公司的起落来掌握大局,如果看出趋势,如何利用数据,如何运用头脑来投机投资。无穷的研究加上锐利的眼光,这正是我要学习的绝佳榜样。

只是过了大半世,至今他仍然孤寡一人,也没有怎么去花钱,真叫人遗憾。如何赚钱是学问,如何花钱更是大学问。人生难道这样就一世吗?都已经有几百万,为何不去游历世界体验生活呢?就算在股市中打滚尽管有无止境的智力挑战,仍不过是生活的一面而已。

我没有尝过贫困的艰辛,但工作了大半年,让我有相似的不甘心。一层层的梯级,一层层的限制,一层层的枷锁,那种无从让优势发挥的郁闷啊!让工作失去了大部分的意义。

我并不会以失败者的身份离开,但是我更渴望爬上更高的山峰来证明自己。好几位朋友比我先踏出这一步,但我不会仅仅是踏出去,而是会豁出去,因而我需要积蓄更多的勇气。

这一段航海将会显示,我究竟是鸡肋,还是楚庄。

Friday, September 25, 2009

此去无路

有时候想一想,我们的成长之路没有多少选择。受困于教育环境和现实环境,和缺乏有先见的指导,使我们都趋利避害地走上了类似的道路,尤其对我这个一直以来在学习和升学路上自力更生的傻小子而言,更是难以为将来划出什么道路,设计出什么蓝图。或许是固执让我总是后知后觉,但我仍记得很多时候为能否在大酱缸里生存忧心忡忡,又如何能有智慧去为未来铺路?


因而我很难为过去的决定而后悔,因为那些或许曾是困境里最好的选择。只是现在见识渐广羽翼已丰的我,已经有自信能自立更生,无论怎么样都能生存下去。这样,我就不应该被过去的选择所捆绑,安心于能做什么,直至作茧自缚,永无破茧的一天。

在过去某个阶段缺少了应有的指导,并不意味着就此丧失了乘风破浪的勇气和追求新异的渴望。少了忧虑,我将一去不复返,先置自己于死地,以释放出最强大的勇气和潜力。至于能否“后生”,已不是个问题。

人生,总要跌跌撞撞,才能找到答案。总是怕跌倒,就永远学不会走路,而只能甘心于爬行。

错用善良

大部分的人变复杂,或许并非为了追逐顶峰的名利权,而不过为了保存内心善良的幼苗。只是,如果大部人皆如此,为何人事政治仍遍布,导致大家竞相叹息?本是同道一心,何以难有共鸣?


或许,大家错用了善良,宁愿怜悯有各种心灵顽疾的“坏人”,而不肯去谅解偶尔松懈的“好人”。一个错得几近无可救药的人,却还有一大票人为他辩护,给予他可能对的宽恕。而一个没什么做错的正常人,却有更大票人去揣测、怀疑和猜忌他的动机,没有给予他应该享有的信任和理解。

我们都想保护自己的善苗,却不愿意保护同道中人的善苗,而反倒去别人的大麻丛中找寻善苗,忌善从恶,我们是不是都生病了哈?

晨雨的记忆

清晨似晚昏,乌云密重,雨斜风横。撑伞单过空礼堂,不见师生,却闻十年前的钟堂声。雨天自修的教室,尽是欢乐。窗外的候车处,橙黄小巴成一片海。车来了,却不是校车。上了白红长巴,镜外雨渐细,往昔更迷离。曾经风雨同路,而今又在何处,是否都各自在奋斗的旅途?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

职场上的私德

一个同事值不值得与他共事,就得看他肯不肯站稳自己的工作岗位,敬业尽责。这和他的私德没有任何关系。我管他私底下为人有多好,如果他连自己的责任都不肯背负,而让其他的同事承受多余的负担累赘,再好人也是枉然。我甚至会怀疑,所谓的“好人”形象,是否只是伪善的面具,利用着别人的怜悯来逃脱责任。


同事如此,政治人物亦然,公责和私德必须分明。

The shackles of fear

Driven by fear to be accountable and laziness to absorb responsibility, some people master vast range of skills which include evading, reflection and so on. They would never bother to do hands on , like to hands off everything and yet fighting hard to justify their salary.


Whenever a problem occurs, they would ask one thousand and one questions. Sounds like they really care huh? Actually they don't even bother to waste a microsecond to read or digest information of which they may find answers for their own questions.

They just need an answer to be answerable, or they need a line stating that this is not their responsibility. And then they would be very happy to remain silent. To them learning worths nothing, except for learning all those skills.

The best thing is to have nothing happens. What a boring life they wish to live. Binded eternally and fully controlled by fear, they are losing their existence second by second.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

principleSSSS

It is easy to have the whole world to embrace a common set of values and principles. Be good, be nice, be fair, be just, bla bla bla. But it is never easy, or perhaps impossible, to have all of us rationalize and react the same way when principles CLASH against each other.

There are million of circumstances where principle A yields to principle B, and another million of circumstances where principle B yields to principle A. The world is never as simple as it is, or perhaps it makes more sense to put it this way, the world still exists and continues to evolve because it is complex and diversified.

When you realizes this, you starts to feel bored when people keep yelling and shouting for "justice", "freedom", "rights" while spend virtually no time on laying the groundwork of essential knowledge and working on the details of possible directions. Simply hijackers of ideologies and fanatic followers of Utopia where everything is as easy as the simple math: 1+1=2.

Just like any other arenas in life, you could draw enormous attentions when you talk loud and big, but if this is the only thing you could do, expect a immediate backfire and downfall. Words, reveal.

Don't just talk loud, talk how. The world will not move forward even all of us share the same set of values. Such rigidity, is too simple to attain and offers no worth. Flexibility and details in dealing with every occasions, are what really matter.

Pessi vs Opti

A person who is too pessimistic, perhaps haven't been through some of the magical moments of life and tasted its sweetness. A person who is too optimistic, perhaps haven't seen or felt most of the tragedies and melancholies. Nobody can be purely pessimistic or optimistic, and hence you would always wonder, how would a pessimist carries on his or her life, and how would a optimist lives when he or she finally has to face some of the musics.

A little sense of pessimism keep us alert, while a little sense of optimism keep us alive. Roller coaster of emotions, again.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Emotional fuel

Any emotions could be barriers that undermine progress, or be converted to fuels that power up life.

Re-route

No system is flawless. It's feedback that keeps it stable and running.
Nobody is perfect. It's reflection that makes us better and better.

Friday, September 18, 2009

统战兵卒

我们都不过是各种意识形态统独之战的兵卒,任意地被权力话语差遣去复述征战。很少人乐意成为兵卒,但却总有一撮人自愿当兵卒,为的不是探讨意识形态之间的优劣好坏,而是为了冲到底线成王挂帅,从被差遣到差遣人。

Balance

There are two situations that resemble the perfect balance state, one is not knowing everything and hence yields no preference, no likes and no dislikes, and hence does not pro or anti. The other is having been through both extreme ends and hence choose to move closer to the middle.


If life is all about balancing, then choosing which path is your choice.

经验之用

经验,不一定能结出智慧的果实,却经常衍生出顽执的杂草。它仅仅让我们知道怎么做,而不能教会我们怎么变通。要变通,需要更进一步去探索为什么可以这么做。因为当环境和成因一变,知其然而不知其所以然,就算知得再多,仍会威严尽失,成为没落的糟粕。


我们当然要先知道怎么做,但这不是终点,而只是起步。投入的时间,不一定长出经验;投入的经验,不一定长出智慧。在大多数的情况下,我们尊重经验,是因为它仍是智慧的,若它成了吃人的传统,难道你还能尊重它?因而,我们尊重的,到底是经验,还是智慧?

Moderation

For people who don't complain to learn how to give constructive feedback.

For people who just complain to learn how to be fair to others and don't complain for the sake of it.

是鸢是马

脱了缰绳的野马,可自由奔放;断了线的风筝,却不再飞翔。我是风筝,还是野马?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

半夢半醒

順著軌道搖晃的列車,載送著半夢半醒的心靈。城市在入靜,零散的燈影指引著零散的腳步,歸家入夢。夢醒的明早,同樣的列車載送同樣的我們,往各自的軌道搖晃。只是,誰預鋪了我們的軌道?原來,即便是白天現實的生活,也是介于半夢半醒之間,誰能笑莊周?

Monday, September 14, 2009

流浪修行

運氣瞧不起為緣份眼淺的男人,因為他執著,即讓人為難,又暗自神傷,真是何苦,還不如去浪跡天涯。


還是流浪去吧!流浪的人,除了旅記以外,不需要其他任何的寄托。還是修行去吧!只有心靈真空,才有最強大的吸收能力。

風板路日

有些人其實很自私,但很會經營名聲,讓人以為他們好人得不得了;有些人其實不自私,但并不樂于展露鋒芒,總被誤為無用而被遺漏在一旁。要看得透徹,就非得用漫長的時間觀察,因為說謊者終會有露馬腳滑鐵盧的一刻,而是錐就終會有刺破袋的剎那。


風偶疾,板常蕩,路仍遙,日會久。

Saturday, September 12, 2009

阅读社会学,解读社会

上个星期一口气在Page One的清仓销售买了八本书,其中有六本是社会学通识读本,书名各为民主、自由主义、资本主义、福利、主权和东方主义。或许是我比较无聊,喜欢阅读“干燥乏味”的书籍,但说实在的,这些通识读本,比尽是公式的工程课本好啃得多,而且当中的资讯和知识与切身利益和生活的大环境息息相关,比商业媒体重复卖弄的喧嚣有内涵的多,其实大多数人应该感兴趣才对。


但为什么偏偏这些书本却最受冷落,以致无人问津?或许里面有太多“主义”和“意识形态”,抽象到让人如坠云端。确实,这个门槛对于欠缺历史文化知识的人来说有点高,但是所有学习都是从零开始的,只要慢慢一点一点累积,一定可以培养出兴趣。正如不懂四则运算,怎么学代数?不懂代数,怎么学微积分?知识累积是自我提升的不二法门。

只是,为什么要学?我们在日常生活需要运用数学,但什么时候要用社会学了?确实,我们是用不上的,因为我们就生活在社会当中。除非你对周遭的一切事物都漠不关心,否则走进社会学往往会让你破解许多迷思而恍然大悟。除非你安于无知,尤其是安于对所处的社会环境无知,否则追求不惑就是在追求幸福。

一如民主,这个当今政治的金字招牌,我们究竟知道多少?我们能够联想到希腊城邦去,但现在的民主状况和当初希腊的情况,还有几分相似?我们讲追求民主,究竟是追求民主的制度,还是民主的精神?而现今的民主制度,又在多大程度上体现了民主的精神?当我们说西方的民主,到底是指美国的、法国的还是英国的?

又如资本主义,我们都习惯于一边享受其创造的物质财富,一边斥责其带来的道德虚无,其实我们是否知道它立足的几个重要基础?对于它和共产主义的各种理念上和实践上的纠缠,我们又知道多少?拥抱资本主义的,是否真得懂什么是资本主义?批判资本主义的,是否走得出马克思的背影?资本主义,对于第三国家、环境和人类幸福究竟是福音还是灾难?

这众多问题,看起来和我们毫无联系,实际上它争辩中的答案却不断为我们破解越来越多迷惑,也点出了我们所处的环境的优劣、限制、困境和前景。

阅读社会学,解读社会,识破矛盾,看穿云雾,尽管只是达致小学生的程度,也绝对令人称心愉悦。

Friday, September 11, 2009

偏见与无知

偶遇“偏见比无知更可怕”这个句子,被吸引了一下,想了想却又想不通。偏见,不是出自于对反面知识的无知吗?正如我们对刚认识的人很容易有偏见,认识久了却会重新调整对他的评估。又如我们对陌生的外国很容易有偏见,实地居住和生活了过后却会有另一番体会。


如果“偏见”和“无知”在这里指的是“状态”,知少少偏信一方怎么会比全然不知更可怕呢?如果指的是“心态”,即明知自己有偏见仍固执,明知自己无知仍得意,那两者都是同出一辙的不可取。

所以作者究竟想通过这个句子带出什么意义?或许,他想说的是偏见的心态比无知的状态更可怕(尽管偏见就是比全然无知稍微好一点的无知),因为有了偏见的心态,就会永远被狭窄的知识面捆绑;而无知的状态,却可以轻易地用学习和认识去突破。

为何我要大费周章对这个句子抽丝剥茧?因为它不仅仅让我困惑,也有可能隐含着“宁可全然无知,也不要有偏见”的反智想法(作者无心,读者有意)。当不完全对立的两个概念拿来被比较,如真要从其中领会什么,这层含义或许就是仅有的可能。

作者要批判的是心态,而不是状态。因为,正如上述,偏见就是一种无知。知少少,比全然不知好;知多,又比知少少好。从无知到知更多,这是循序渐进无限扩张的过程。人的意识都是主观的,也仅能有限度地处理无限的讯息,所以不可能没有偏见,而只能让偏见逐渐变少,或让偏见靠近中间。至于全然无知,则是根本要不得的。

<转载> 中国汉字是抄袭日本的吗?

说起“日货”,通常是指日产的汽车、家电等。而当代汉语中也存在着“日货”,占到了当代中国汉语的70%以上(社会和文科学方面)。

  属于外来语的日本汉语,对中国当代文化起着巨大的作用。

  我们用老祖宗造的字,组成日本独创的词,普遍应用在日常生活里,说明一个事实:“汉语”已经成为汉文化圈共享的历史文明。

  这些外来词汇只是现代化的骨架,并不是现代化的灵魂。有了现代化的骨架,却还没有足够的现代化的血肉,骨骼够大,但是营养不良,当代文化的窘境大概就在于此。解决窘境之路,不在于更换“骨架”,而在于锲而不舍地为当下的文化重建,补充现代人文的“营养”。

  无处不在的日本汉语

  我们看娱乐新闻,有一条说,小沈阳参加春晚之后,人气大涨;还有一条说,田亮拍了南非性感狂野写真。“人气”和“写真”这两个词,我们已经耳熟能详,司空见惯,可是,很少人知道,这两个词是不折不扣的外来词,是源自日本汉语的两个词。

  我们再看看下面来自日本汉语的几个词:

  1.解读,分析解说某项政策、观点、理论。比如,解读政策,解读谜团,解读****

  2.新锐,在某一领域新出现的有影响力的人、产品,比如,新锐人物,新锐导演,新锐汽车……

  3.职场,工作的场所,比如,职场人生,职场技巧,职场人物……

  4.新人类,新人,新出现的人物,比如,常常形容90后的孩子是新人类。

  5.视点,评论人的立场和观点,比如,专家视点

  6.亲子,父母的孩子,比如,亲子课堂

  7.达人,艺术、手艺、学术方面的大师。

  8.放送,播放。比如,影视金曲大放送,新歌大放送

  9.完败,以大比分,或者以明显劣势而输给对手。比如,北京国安队完败于上海申花队。

  10.完胜,以大比分,或者以明显劣势而取胜对手。比如,北京国安队完胜于上海申花队。

  11.上位,成熟,上路的意思,比如,他已经上位了。

  12.点滴,输液的意思。

  13.量贩,大量销售商品。比如,量贩式KTV,量贩式超市。

  还有一些常用词汇,都来源于日本汉语,比如:

  健康、卫生、衬衣、宠儿、乘客、储蓄、反感、化妆品、接吻、紧张、批评、企业、气氛、人格、肉弹、升华、生产、体育、通货膨胀、通货收缩、同情、统计、文化、文明、文学、时间、劳动、服务、白血病、鼻翼、剥离、大气污染、关节炎、抗体、麻醉药、牵引、弱视、色盲、糖尿病、听力、血压、……

  除了词汇之外,还有一些用法,也深深影响着我们的日常表达,比如

  1.超……

  超强,超豪华,超爽,超动人

  2.准……

  准新娘,准新郎,准妈妈,准爸爸

  3.真……

  真英雄,真好汉,真男儿,比如,他是一个真男人!

  4.无某某之必要

  比如,无解释的必要

  在文章最后,还附录了一批常用的日本汉语词汇,这些词汇对当代中国人的生活影响太大了。

  用老祖宗的字,写外国人的词

  这些深入中国老百姓生活的外来词,或是日本独创的词,或是改造了中国原有的旧词,独创了新的含义,比如,博士,今天大学培养出的博士,就是来自于日本汉语,是日本独创的新义,而并不是传统中文的博士之意。我们今天用的也是日本意义的“博士”。

  日本汉语影响现代中国,有4个主要特点:

  1.范围大,程度深

  70%多的人文学科和社会生活用词,都是源于日本汉语。如果,我们不用这些外来词,我们几乎张不开口,说不成整句,甚至可以说,会影响我们的语义表达。

  2.进入了人文学科的话语体系

  在人文学科之中,大量的日本汉语词汇进入了学科的话语体系,比如,历史学科的“历史学”名称,就是日本汉语词汇。涉及到法律、社会学、哲学、政治学、历史学,大量的概念话语,都是日本汉语构造的,比如,我们熟知的“文化”这个词。

  3.有力地推动了中国的现代化

  中国的近代化和现代化,在文化层面上,日本汉语的贡献居功至伟,中国知识分子借用日本汉语现成的词汇,能够方便、快捷地展开研究,有力地推动了“西学”在中国的传播,大大推动了思想启蒙,这对中国近代化和现代化进程起到了巨大的推动作用。

  值得一提的是,在晚清民初,中国本土的知识分子也大量翻译了西方现代自然科学和人文科学的名词,可是,让人惊讶的是,这些本土的翻译词汇和日本汉语的词汇一PK,相同的翻译词汇,大都是本土词汇完败。

  4.外来词在中国已渐渐行成“传统”

  从国别上来讲,日本汉语影响中国,当然是日本的汉文化“倒流”中国,近百年来,我们中国人长期使用,很多人都忘记了自己脱口而出的词汇是外来词,“时间”这个词,又有多少人会意识到这是外来词呢?渐渐地成了当代汉语的“新传统”。

  是“倒流”华夏,不是文化入侵

  很久以来,对日本汉语影响当代中国的文化事实,有的人比较忌讳,还有的人甚至称之为“文化入侵”,更有甚者,称之为“汉语的灾难”,这些都是站在狭隘的文化立场上。

  汉语,是汉文化圈所共享的历史文明,中世纪时期,中国汉语深刻影响了日本、韩国和越南等国家,到了近代,日本汉语大举登陆,“倒流”华夏,反过来又从思想上推动了中国的现代化。这就是文化融合的典型个案。

  有的朋友说,能不能全部抛弃这些日本汉语,重新弄一套中国汉语的词汇,我认为这不并不现实,而且毫无必要。文化交流从来都是双向的,我们使用大量的外来词语,只会为我们自己的现代化所用。

  我们应该清楚地明白,这些外来词汇只是现代化的框架,并不是现代化的内容,只是西学的骨架,并不是西学的灵魂,真正值得我们反思的是,我们走上了“西学”的道路,可在人文学科建设上并不尽如人意。有多少人拿着“文化”这个词,去做伪文化的事情,用着“文明”这个词,在演绎着伪文明。

  有了现代化的骨架,却还没有足够的现代化的血肉,骨骼够大,但是营养不良,当代文化的窘境大概就在于此。解决窘境之路,不在于更换“骨架”,而在于锲而不舍地为当下的文化重建,补充现代人文的“营养”。

/裴钰)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

航海的黑夜

在波濤洶涌的大海里,每個人都坐在自己的小舟上,任日曬雨淋,撐狂風暴雨,始終緊抓雙槳;不管有沒有方向,方向在哪里,仍奮力劃動。在生活里,沒人想翻船沒頂。

潮來潮去的波動代替了歲月,帶來痕跡和滄桑。每一天,都是奮斗的開始。大半天后,當正視暴陽的勇氣、抗忍狂雨的堅毅、舒緩搖晃的幽默和逃避疾風的嬉樂大致用盡了由悲憤轉化而來的力量;無論船手怎么奮斗,劃了多遠,若他始終點燃不著心燈在夜里和皎潔的月光相映,就只能頂著凄寒獨自和寂寞攤牌。

于是,他卷縮著地渴盼著明晨的陽光。陽光帶不來溫暖,但至少讓他暫時逃離了黑暗。

Glory Glory Glory

Some people sacrifice others to achieve their personal glory,
while some people sacrifice themselves to safeguard others' peace.
If at peace, what we could see and seek is only the glamorous glory,
then we could either die seeking it, or be sacrificed without even knowing it.

Glory, is only the topping of humanities.
If it becomes the main course, soon we will be devoured by it instead of devouring it.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A storming day

Seldom has he used word "important" in email. Never has he called for a team meeting at 5PM, a time that is so close to the end of the day. And when he did for the first time, it is also his last time.

Out of the blue, all of us were stunned. It is the least expected event that could be described as "important". In fact, it is the most important event ever. Clouds soon roamed around everyone's head.

It must have taken him a lot of courage to make this decision and assume risks afterward. After 16 years of serving, at his mid forties where most of the people would prefer to stick to the comfort zone, he vigorously set out to sail into an unknown sea, to set up his own business, to do something that he really wants to do. This alone draws much admiration from colleagues of similar age.

If that is what he seeks to do for a long time instead, then perhaps it connotes something about what he has been doing for the past few years. Without much exchange of words, all of us reach the same level of understanding of the background, aside from the immediate feeling and confusion for all sorts of uncertainties that lay ahead.

But we could only laugh, as we all know that he leaves for his own good. Principal from the other came over to express his incomprehension of our seemingly joyous air, only to figure out that it's a very thin layer of air that serves as a temporary remedy. We all know what happened, and what will happened. A bomb has been dropped, and soon we will be exposed to storms.

Though we occasionally bemoan about some of his actions and decisions, and grumble about his lack of guidance, but given circumstances that he has to handle, perhaps he has given his best to let everyone of us has our own room to breathe and work. This alone deserves a lot of respects from us, as he at least has given us respects to do things. You may ask, isn't it a simple thing to do? Perhaps it is but unfortunately I rarely see it happens. How many of us can resist throwing temper under piling pressure? How many of us can resist using insensible arguments and pressing angers to bulldoze all the way, just to get our goals achieved?

But one could only do so much, for a limited period of time. Everyone of us is in charge of our own direction. Storms, will definitely come. We have no choice but to bite the bullet and move on.

Just that none of us has expected this storming day. Neither do I have expected that my manager will leave before me. It certainly stirs up the rest of my colleagues' mind, but makes me more firm on my soon-to-be departure.

Friday, September 4, 2009

一年之变

看回一年前的我,我怕会认不出自己,因为这一年来,觉得自己变了太多太多,多得有点恐怖。但是变化究竟成好成坏,我无力控制,也无力猜想。有些变化明显是环境因素诱发的,能清楚感受到变化的分秒但难以抗拒去适应,其余的变化则是自己刻意追求的。

和一年前比较,我抛弃了很多现在看起来无谓的原则,而加深地固执了剩余的两三个重要原则。曾经,我想要顾全很多人的感受,现在我已学会如何不去照顾一些人的感受,因为感受是很主观的,有些是别人的过虑,有些是自己的过虑,何必搞到人人都好像时时刻刻理智残缺,而忽视了时间的玄妙威力。想起了很久以前读过的一句话,现在感受特别深刻:“一个人不仅要学会如何对待别人,更要学会如何教导别人对待自己。”

曾经不敢得罪人,觉得和任何人维持和睦关系是最重要的,但随着主观(能客观么?)辨别善恶的能力增强,现在的心态已换成我不犯你,你最好别来犯我,因为我已不介意撕破彼此的薄膜去捍卫自己的主见,我不需要也不想要和所有人都维持和睦关系,更不介意会被人讨厌,我没必要去讨好全部人,一面倒的名声(无论好坏正负)一定是假象,因为世界太大、社会太复杂、观念太多元,人性各不同,每个人都只能成为争议人物,才有比较、学习和进步的空间,有什么必要去成为每个人眼前的好好先生?

但这不代表我变成了到处攻击别人的野猪,在大事上,每个人的原则不同是正常的事,没有必要达致大一统、一言堂,因而我也无需放弃捍卫自己的立场。曾经讨厌表里不一而笃信内外如一,但现在越来越欣赏外圆内方,也越来越讨厌内圆。其实外面戴什么面具都不重要,因为要应付的人有千百种,总以善脸迎人搞不好会被狼人吃了,总以臭脸拒人会失去结交贵人的机会。虽然仍是有点讨厌戴面具,但是现实生活里需要展露真心的场合和时间确实不多,该露则露,不该露的,还是涂上迷彩比较好。

曾经丝毫不用考虑的东西,现在会仔细衡量利弊;曾经犹豫不绝的事情,现在会果断决定。是之前糊涂,还是现在混沌,不得而知,但对待很多事情的态度,的确改了180度。曾经习惯逆来顺受,但现在对许多事情越来越不耐烦,不是为了折磨自己,而是以此推动自己去迂回,绕过困难,节省无端被浪费的时间。如果有什么不可以抛弃,排首位的一定是时间,只有充实利用它,才能达致其他的所有生产和贡献。对“浪费别人时间就是谋财害命”越来越有共鸣。

曾经沉醉于随遇而安,相信尽力而为;现在反而疯狂追逐随机的不安,因为唯有这样才能不断克服各种恐惧,让自己的要穴越来越少,才不会被人利用恐惧来操纵和摆布。

接近即将出走的一年,一年后的我,又会有多少变化?

社會本來就不美

踏入社會后,偶爾會感慨很深,感慨社會太復雜黑暗,仿佛是一個大泥潭。但這個泥潭,難道我們之前不認識嗎?我們真的很單純地活到現在嗎?

其實早在小學教室外的教師辦公室,我們就已見識辦公室政治;早在學校外的花花世界,我們就已聽聞種族政治。各種寓言,各種觀察,讓我們早就知道外面的世界不太美,只不過距離隔絕了知道和體會。

世界從未變得更丑陋,只不過我們初始體會的深刻,壓得我們暫時難以適應,使我們幻想解脫,甚至渴望回到溫室。幻想,使我們開始偏執地溺信,外國的月亮總是滿月,社會的道德淪落了,人類的前景無望了,于是我們,盡管乘著無數前人的涼,卻開始從失望走向絕望,盡管我們絕對比前人享有得多,也幸福得多。

一段期間,我也曾迷惑過,但當時間逐漸舒緩情緒,理性慢慢累積光輝,灰霧就緩緩散去。吸煙的人越來越多?以前的人還吸鴉片呢!現在的青少年性更泛濫?不少老一輩也曾偷偷做,只是我們不知道而已。追溯到孔子的時代,社會更是禮崩樂壞,諸侯淫亂,亂倫多得是。

我舉這些例子,并不是想倡導虛無主義,而是覺得其實所有的快樂福祉,都是人主動爭取回來的。我們現在享受著的各種物質和精神,都是前人的種樹,是人類文明辛苦累積的碩果。世界本來就不美,因為惡可以由環境帶來,善卻絕對是人創造的。因而人人有悲痛的過去,家家有難念的經書,國國有棘手的問題,而每一個時代都有每一個時代的困境,但我們仍然這樣一直走過來。如果不是因為偉人先賢的堅持奮斗,我們哪有今天?

所以我找不到任何理由,去安心地怨天尤人,無謂地擁抱悲觀,被動地陷入失望;也不再去幻想什么世外桃源,因為桃源不是幻想出來的,不是羨慕出來的,而是創造出來的。

破壞的力量比建設的力量大,一個惡魔可能需要十個天使才能抗衡,但我們沒理由失望、妥協、懦弱,只享受不付出,一味地享用前人的果實,卻不為后人種樹。因而,我也非常不贊同一直叫我們在政治上忍讓妥協地知足的老教棍,他們似乎忘了,如果不是當初的不妥協斗爭,哪來今天的成就?如果因為現在比以前好,就要容忍現今社會的各種腐敗,什么道理?

善良,不是懦弱,而是扶弱。堅持建設,才能讓明天的社會更美好。當然,人有惰性,所以只要不是太懶,慢慢建設也行,但不能過于消極被動,經常無病呻吟。

社會,本來就不美;溫室,都是有心為。

只言片語 - 交流

打開自己的心房,方能走進別人的世界,再回首認識更好的自己。

Life Path

Somehow we wish to choose the life path less taken, but in a leaning world that is becoming more concentrated and congested, this path that we happily presume may be a false notion when we walk along it, but it doesn't matter, as long as it is new and unexplored to us, we will definitely find discoveries that would become useful and meet surprises that would become memorable.

So perhaps there isn't a less taken path, unless we become statistics freak. Perhaps being less taken or not is just not important, because by taking that path may not necessarily make us a better person. Improvement does not come from mere comparison with others, but is measured against past selves.

We may have thousands of companies walking along the same path at one moment, then we make turn, and have another millions of people going on the same direction at another moment. Every path is crowded, but no path is cloned.

And so everyone is unique, because everyone has their own life path. The more diverse our life path becomes, the more dynamic our life becomes.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

那一刻,我確定了自己在墮落。這地方,真的不屬于我。我用細細的冷光,靜靜地掃射周圍所有的言行舉動,越觀察越沮喪。原來,蛇行鼠鉆是那么普遍,濫竽充數是那么容易。透徹,居然帶來痛苦,越透徹越心傷。害群,真的只需要少數;而建設的力量卻永遠比不上破壞的邪力。我不屑、憤慨、狂傲,心中卻只能萬般無奈。曾經,我像個小學生般戰戰兢兢地學習,又像個狂少年般雄心萬丈地堅信帶來改變,但無論我怎么學習和付出,仍改善不了系統的一點一滴。在不注重系統和文化的大環境里,奮力抗拒環境的腐蝕消耗了我太多精神,卻沒有帶來實質的收獲,所有的問題仍會再出現,我的努力卻只是杯水車薪,仿佛拼命地撼動大墻,什么都沒有動,累的酸的卻只有自己的雙手。

算了,真的算了。作最后的奮發,過后什么都不管了,反正我已決定了不再隨遇而安。只是,我始終有點遲疑,為什么,我最尊重的幾位同事,都是跟隨著命運一路走來,卻擁有我最欣賞的待人處事的作風呢?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

一把口,两只耳朵

最差劲的学生,在老师讲堂时吱吱喳喳,到老师提问时噤若寒蝉;最无用的人,在不该开口时口开个不停,应该开口时却连屁声都没有。这种人,不是“得把口”,也不是“死净把口”,而是无聊到我都不知道可以用什么词来形容。

视觉污染,我可以闭眼;嗅觉污染,我可以屏气;但噪音污染,总不能叫我掩耳吧!

无奈啊,无奈。现实里沉默的大多数,总得忍受少数不知所谓的人不知所云,却不能叫他们闭上狗嘴或盖他们两巴,而被迫把垃圾听进耳,把无奈闷在心,像是被人把粪纸硬硬塞进嘴巴里那样恶心难受。

Sunday, August 30, 2009

<转载> 梁文道: 我们守护记忆,直到最后一人

原来用Reader来阅读博客不止带来方便,也隐藏着这样一个重要功能:还原故意被删除或隐蔽的文章论点。这一篇文章,现在在梁文道自己的博客反而不见了,但Google Reader却还完整地帮我保留着。真是处处皆大千世界,哈哈(这是苦笑)。

我曾对香港的朋友说:关于六四,在没有深刻认识前,不想随意支持盲目反对,现在看了这篇立场鲜明的文章,再加上新浪的举动,我开始有兴趣知道更多资料了(仍未选边,兼听则明),哈哈(这是乐笑)。

转载全文如下(繁体):

我们守护记忆,直到最后一人

我寫六四,而且重複地寫,再也沒有什麼新鮮的角度,也不會有出人意表的觀點。這也許顯得有些無趣,就像每年的六四燭光晚會,幾乎一模一樣的程式、口號與歌 曲,年年重演。它使得我們就像患上了偏執狂的精神病人,惹人煩厭。他們不只討厭我們所說的內容,也討厭我們說話的方式與態度。他們批評我們不懂得向前看, 老是困在一場歷史的謎團裏頭,而那個謎團實在有太多的解讀可能,我們怎能自以為是,以為自己一定是對的?難道我們毫不自覺,這種義正詞嚴的腔調很讓人厭惡 嗎?

不妨把我們當成瘋子

《聖經》裏的先知其實不該被譯成先知,因為先知預言未來的時候少,談起過去的時候多,與其說是先知,倒不如說他們是守護記憶的人。總是在以色列人樂不思蜀 忘乎所以的時候提醒他們:你們已經忘記了自己是怎麼離開埃及的,你們也忘了上主當初和我們訂下的契約。這些話老是來得不合時宜,乃至於很多人覺得先知其實 是種瘋子,最好把他們放逐出去,不要再讓他們擾亂自己的尋常日子。更何況他們憑什麼教訓人?他們以為自己是誰!他們是誰?他們是上主的代言人,神的喉舌, 正如神說過的:“我把我的話放進他的口中,他要向他們宣講我的訓令”。

我們當然不是先知。在這個時代裏頭有誰會想當先知呢?任何自以為是真理化身的精英都是可恥可笑的自大狂。我們不想做先知,我們這群香港人只是被迫扮演傳說 中的先知形象,因為我們的確相信一個簡單的道理:政府不應該用真槍實彈鎮壓和平示威的群眾。有人(而且人數愈來愈多)卻認為這個道理並非自明,甚至可能是 錯的。既然如此,你們就不妨把我們當成瘋子吧。

誰掌握話語權誰擁有真相?

2009 年5 月28 日的《信報》訪問了一位正在香港中文大學念歷史的內地尖子,他說:“以個人角度看,它(六四)跟我生活沒有什麼關係了……在中國源遠流長的歷史上無足輕 重,歷史上太多類似事情。天天拿來說,只是發生時間比較靠近我們而已”。記者再問他六四到底是場屠殺,還是為了維護國家穩定的正確行動。他的答案竟是兩者 皆對,他認為雙方都同樣有理同樣正確,因為大家都只不過是從自己的利益角度出發罷了。“大家都是平等的,沒有高下之分,應防止道德綁架……老一輩或經歷過 事件的人或許強烈希望我們瞭解事件真相,但並不代表我就要作出一樣的評價。年輕一輩只是作為歷史的旁觀者,不能強迫我要跟你有相同的反應”。

這是近年愈來愈流行的一種論調,它不否定我們相信的那條簡單道理,它只是不認為那是唯一正確的道理,它認為任何立場都是可取的,它把一切立場相對化。我們 香港人對這種說理方法絕不陌生,因為它就是許多人口中的理性和客觀。對於同一件事情,不同的人有不同的觀點與角度,所以用不著取捨判斷,反正那都是觀點與 角度的問題。

這種港式的犬儒主義與內地流行的“唯策略論”不盡相同,但又很有親和關係。所謂“唯策略論”,其表表者可見於毛澤東那些影響深遠的文稿。我當年讀毛選,最 感困惑的地方是他總在談敵我鬥爭的策略,卻永遠說不清敵人到底是誰。敵人的定義不斷浮動遊移,因時地而變;今天是敵,明天可以是友;今天是朋友,明天忽然 又成了敵人。臺灣評論家楊照在台版《毛澤東語錄》的導讀裏說得好,毛思想的精要就在於不談對錯只論勝敗;勝者自然是對的,失敗者則必然是錯的。所以一個人 千萬不能輸,因為輸了鬥爭也就得輸掉是非了。

這就是“話語權”這種很西化很後現代的概念在大陸普及得異常迅速的原因之一了。如果你從小相信科學史就是科學不斷進步真理不停揭示的歷史,你或許不容易接受當今科學研究(Science studies)所說的那些學者競爭的殘酷故事,把一切都看成鬥爭的結果,但你要是自幼就生長在一個唯策略論主導的環境之下,你會發現那些勾心鬥角謀取勝利的真相完全不難理解。因為任何學術研究任何理性討論說到底都只不過是在爭奪話語權,誰掌握了話語權,誰就有道理。

故此,我們大可不必認真細究六四究竟是不是屠殺,因爭論雙方都只是在搶奪話語權,雙方都是平等的,都想把自己的利益強加在我們頭上。事實的調查與論證的邏輯都不重要,最重要的是你有你背後的利益和動機。哪怕你再有道理,使我無可反駁,我也只要指出你掌握話語權就夠了。

假如一個人信守這思維方式,他應該同時相信日軍進出中國與入侵中國都是說得通的,因為它們出自兩種不同的角度。所謂達賴集團的藏獨主張也用不著緊張反對, 因為他們有他們的利益考慮,中國政府也只是為了自己的利益罷了。假如一個人能夠前後一貫地堅持這種想法,既不為六四而動情,也不為日本部分學者否認南京大 屠殺或低估死亡人數而憤怒,覺得這兩件事都還需要更客觀更理性地對待(這是不是港大同學陳一諤的立場?),或者覺得它們都只是觀點的歧異利益的衝突,難言 對錯(這是那位在中大讀歷史的尖子的立場嗎?),那麼我勉強還能說這是一個在哲學上有趣而且值得反駁的立場。可是你卻說“它跟我沒有什麼關係”?

受難者才有遺忘的權利

旅美學者徐賁在他的文章《人以什麼理由來記憶》中引述倫理學家馬各利特(Avishai Margalit)的理論,把記憶和關愛(caring)連起來談:“因為關愛是通過記憶來起作用的。相互關愛是因為在過去有長久的聯繫。我們關愛誰和記 得誰是同時發生的。我們不能說,我關愛一個人,但卻不記得或記不起那個人了”。由於我們關愛那年在北京受難的人,所以我們記憶他們,並且見證他們經歷的苦 難與毀滅,不容他們活得沉默死得屈辱。

我們的關係就是愛。出於愛,我們見證六四,正如所餘不多的長者見證抗戰。沒錯,我們不一定全部去過現場,更不可能都是受難者,絕大部分的人都只是透過媒體旁觀。

可是,記憶的責任恰巧就是落在旁觀者的身上。因為只有受難者和遺屬才有遺忘的權利,為了不帶苦痛地活下去,他們可以選擇遺忘。但旁觀者不行,一旦見證(Witness),便得永遠記住。

假如你正確,你怕什麼?

很多內地的朋友驚歎于我們香港人矢志不渝地紀念六四。誠然,我們盡到了見證者的責任,以記憶持久不懈地關愛著我們的同胞。但不用諱言,這只是因為我們享有 中國境內獨一無二的自由空氣。相比之下,內地近月的緊張氣氛已經到達風聲鶴唳杯弓蛇影的地步了。媒體不能再談五四運動,因為它會讓人想起學運。一家商業機 構藉著汶川震災一周年所做的形象廣告被人認為是別有用心,因為上頭有十張人像照片分置兩側,六張在左邊,四張在右邊。假如你真是對的,又何必忌諱?何必緊 張?為什麼不把當年平暴之後發放的宣傳品再發一次?為什麼不大張旗鼓地慶祝平暴二十周年,告訴我們那一小撮動亂分子的真相?

現在你卻恨不得月曆上根本沒有六月四日這一天?乘數表上沒有6×4這一欄。所以,我很想勸勸那些總是把客觀調查和發掘真相掛在嘴上當托詞的人:你們說得都 很對,六四的確需要客觀調查,但你們實在用不著跟我們說這番話,因為我們絕對歡迎更多的事實更客觀的真相。你們應該去找當權者和他們的盟友,叫他們不要再 沉默遮掩,一起出來大家好好研究嚇,各自表達不同的觀點。

除了六四,中國還有太多的禁忌。除了“天安門母親”,還有四川震災受難學童的母親,毒奶粉案的母親,甚至鄧玉嬌的母親,她們的聲音只能在香港公開而不受阻 礙無有顧忌。莫非香港已經成了中國母親的抉擇?大家是否清楚我們香港人在當代中國史上的責任呢?當其他人被迫住口,甚至主動忘卻,我們無可奈何但又勢所必 至地承擔起了記憶守護者的角色。因為我們有相對優裕的空間,而且我們關愛。

我這一代三、四十歲的中年人生在香港長在香港,經歷過香港所謂的黃金時代,看過“阿燦”和“表姐”的可笑形象,曾經自豪於港人身份的不同,歧視內地的落後 貧窮。我們雖然也學中文和中國歷史,但和其他國家把國文國史當成國民教育核心的教學法不同,殖民地式的文史教育是一套非國族化的技術教育,不鼓勵我們在國 家文學和歷史裏面獲取深厚的國民認同,只把它們當成純粹的資訊與知識。我在兩蔣治下的臺灣度過童年,對中國懷有熱情也許還不奇怪,但我那些同學,我的同代 人,他們與香港意識一起茁壯,受的是非國族化的基礎教育,他們怎麼會愛國呢?他們的中國情懷是怎麼來的呢?也許六四就是這個問題的答案了。

六四是香港人的國族啟蒙

雖然我之前一直強調香港人那見證者的身份,但可千萬別以為我們只是事件的旁觀者。雖然我們總把天安門看成是六四運動的核心地點,但是六四的實際運動範圍遠 遠不僅限於北京,相反地,它遍及全國,從天津、上海、武漢、福州、廣州,一直到香港,全都是當年那場浩大運動的舞臺。尤其香港,不僅有過一次一百五十萬人 的遊行,一次一百萬人的遊行,而且幾乎是從一開始就全情投入地回應了北京方面的一舉一動。所以,如果把香港列為六四運動中僅次於北京的主要空間,是毫不過 分的一件事。因此,香港人絕不只是這次運動的旁觀者,我們還是它的參與者。

想當年,我們為了身在北京的同學和市民踴躍捐輸,在各種媒體上面奔相走告大聲疾呼。不管你原來站在什麼立場,屬於哪個機構,也不管你來自哪一個階層,幹什 麼行業,大家都有志一同,空前團結。愈到後來,情緒就愈高漲,學校處於半停課狀態,許多機構從上至下無心工作,所有人都只念著天安門。我還記得有不少人認 為只要經此一役,使中國變成一個民主國家,大家就用不著移民了。於是香港人的前途信心問題就和中國的民主進程聯繫起來了,後者的曙光是前者的答案。這種話 聽起來好像有點自利。

然而,在這個過程裏面,我這一代人漸漸被每天源源不絕的新聞喚醒了某種從不自覺,卻又隱約存在的國族意識,所以如饑似渴地捧讀《文革十年史》和各種介紹國 情國史的讀物,集體學習近代中國走過的道路。以往在殖民地教育裏面學到的冰冷知識一一回溫,課本上五四學生聚會的照片忽然發出了聲音,甚至連《出師表》的 文字也忽然滲出了淚痕。然後我們沖上街頭,用《我是中國人》和《龍的傳人》去唱出我們的新發現,用血濃於水的口號去證明自己剛剛憑著自力獲取的新身份。北 京的學生用不著唱《我是中國人》,對於這點,他們從不懷疑。北京的示威人群更不用舉起寫著血濃於水的標語,他們根本不會理解這種標語是用來幹什麼的。沒 錯,六四在香港不只是一次支持北京學生的民主運動,它還是香港人自己登臺當主角的民族主義運動,六四是我這一代香港人最重要最徹底的民主教育與愛國教育。 六四不只是省港大罷工以來規模最大的一次社會運動,它也是省港大罷工以來第一個把殖民地香港和中國大陸緊緊鎖在一起的串連行動。六四是北京一路燃燒到香港 的烈潮,儘管我們綻放的方式和姿態自有微妙的差異。

香港人不是六四的旁觀者,而是參與者

六四也是香港的六四,但我們對於這一點的認識還不足夠。我們知道8964是很多人的電話號碼的一部分,它成了香港好些人彼此之間的密碼,我們知道當年的集 會遊行界定了二十年來一切街頭行動的模式,成了香港社會運動的文法,我們知道二十年前誕生的支聯會是今日香港所有民主派的搖籃,對六四的共識是鑒別一個民 主派成員的最最底線。我甚至知道有人在那段時間相戀結婚,有人在那段時間出生,使得六四成為他們個人生命史中的里程碑。我不知道有沒有人做過這種研究,但 是我們都曉得六四銘刻在香社會上的痕跡何其深遠。最重要的,是我們由此習得關愛同胞(第一次,它不是抽象的文字)。

如果有人像曾蔭權一樣,叫我們放下那段經歷,全神注意今日中國的富庶,那麼他一定不知道什麼叫做愛,因為他不愛活人(和那些活過的人),他愛的只是國家的 發展。假如這種人和曾蔭權都真心相信這種說法,那就表示他們並不以為政府需要道德上的合法性:誰給我錢誰就是老闆,我就好好聽話好好打工。

自此之後,二十年前發生在北京的那一場風波,就內化在香港人的集體回憶和社會肌理裏面了,以出乎當權者意料的方式,把北京和香港捆綁在港人記憶的深處。由 於我們自己就是參與者,因此香港青年發展網路召集人呂智偉那套外力(港人)介入使北京學運變質的講法分外可笑,難道他不曉得我們根本不是什麼外力,香港由 始至終就和北京站在一起嗎?如果他真把香港人當做外力,那他豈不是把我們當成外國人?又由於我們自己就是行動的主體,因此試圖以揭露民運領袖醜惡真面目的 手段來說服我們應該醒一醒的嘗試也是徒然的,難道他們不瞭解我們從來就不曾被領導過嗎?當年我們就是自己的領袖。

就算平反無望,我們仍然記住有關六四的記憶不只是幾代香港人的集體記憶,它還是種需要被分享的記憶。因為我們每一個人都以自己的方式經歷了這件事,更因為 還有許多人沒有這個經歷。正如馬各利特所說的:“作為記憶群體的一員,我與前一代人有記憶的聯繫,他們又和更前一代人的記憶相聯,如此類推,直到直接見證 事件的那一代”。當一個歷史的所有見證人都死去後,“分享的記憶也就成了記憶的記憶”了。記憶之分享必以自由而公開的交流為前提。如果沒有充分的資訊及言 論自由,沒有不受障蔽扭曲的理性溝通,分享記憶是不可能的存在的。

可如今我們卻要面對這麼多的阻難:明明中國政府覺得自己當年幹得好,但它現在卻連一個數字都不敢提;明明香港是個自由港,但它卻以說不出口的理由拒絕別人 入境;明明香港的傳媒不受政治管控,但卻有雜誌如《君子》這樣臨時抽稿,把不敢忘記六四的封面專題硬生生變成可悲複可笑的不敢忘記郭富城;明明有那麼多人 曾經熱血沸騰涕淚縱橫,今天他們卻有口難言,甚至主動修改自己的記憶。看,為了銷毀和掩理六四的記憶,他們要費多大的勁。為了這個記憶,港式的犬儒主義被 調動了,唯策略論主導的歷史虛無主義也出場了,他們甚至不惜自毀長城,要我們否定自己當年至為單純的愛國赤誠,換上以曾蔭權為代表的那種金錢愛國論(它的 邏輯是誰讓我發財我就愛誰)。所以記憶六四已經不再只是記憶的事了,它還是一連串的抗爭與對決。它對抗言論空間的縮窄,與出入境的管制,它還要對抗一連串 違背理性的思考方式與一系列否定道德共識的價值主張。在這個意義上,記住或者遺忘六四,還真成了一個大是大非的抉擇。

我不得不做最壞的打算。因為《國殤之柱》的創作者高志活第一次被拒入境是條新聞,現在我們卻開始習慣成自然;以前有人叫我們放下歷史包袱向前看會使我們憤 怒莫名,現在這種論調卻早已見怪不怪。也許有一天,還會有更多個陳一諤、呂智偉和曾蔭權出來鼓吹那種虛無犬儒的價值觀;也許有一天,六四不只不得平反,甚 至根本灰飛煙滅于時光的垃圾場中;也許有一天,我們真的會變成大多數人眼中的瘋狂先知,並且一個個老去,一個個凋零,所有記得六四的全都整代人整代人地消 失。即使到了那一天,再也不是為了起到什麼實際作用,而是單單因為這個記憶本身就是道德的,我們香港人,我們這群記憶的守護者也還將如此記住,直至最後一 人。

Thursday, August 27, 2009

何时了

突然想起中学马来文老师教书时心血来潮说起他对以巴冲突的想法。他认为这场由诡异历史延绵而来的血泪冲突或许会永久持续,道理很简单,以杀巴一人,巴回杀以一人,沉痛悲切的死者家属中,只要有一个因为悲痛埋下了仇恨的种子,就足以让悲剧从此循环。

如果公平可以凌驾于最普通的人性,而正义可以泯灭人道,就算全世界信仰了公平和正义,只要有一个顽皮的恶人,就足以引出万恶。

不想随意评论以巴冲突,只是想借此说明一个道理:“冤冤相报何时了。”有时候,错综复杂的历史,可能不过是前人的酩酊,以史为鉴不是以史概全,尽信死抱,反而让历史成了无谓的包袱,一如小国的种族问题。只是,如果我们的想法,连前辈先贤的高点都没达到,就别谈超越了。

我们应该争取和维持应得的权利,但当我们成为偏帮的受益者时,我们会否勇敢诚实地拒绝偏帮?真正的考验,是当你手持道德的尚方宝剑时,有没有迟疑的勇气?

有时候,尽情的叫嚣,即使博得满堂喝彩,也不过转瞬即逝,在随后空荡的大气中,没有理性的余音绕梁,更衬托出前一秒的真正虚妄。

少看一点政治闹剧,少听一点杂刀乱剑,少信一点猪流霉体,多读一点书,长一点智慧,反而更实在。

还有四天,就到国庆。族族相较何时了。

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

一年回顾

毕业一年了,工作一年了,在染缸里浸泡,一年了。撇开在美国那段接受训练的幸福日子不谈,剩余的都是真正的职场岁月。我觉得踏入社会工作满一年,是有意义的里程碑,也是最值得回顾和反思的阶段。做为社会大学的sophomore,面对着理想与现实的落差、交集着愚蠢和智慧的更迭、享受着经济上独立自主的解放、承受着伴随自由而来的责任、接受着四面八方的各色诱惑和辨别着政经文教的真假虚实,变化之大冲击之深,我相信很难在人生的另一个阶段复制,走过了的人自能体会。而我,走过了,却仍在整理着这些体会。

从事第一份工的时间太短,没让我对职场博弈有太多体会,但受经济大气候影响的被解雇却让我提前认识到中年危机的严重性。现在的第二份工,则真正让我看到工作的方方面面。现在还能回想起来的,记忆仍深的,大都与稚嫩和恐惧有关:一开工就连续工作十一天的惊讶、第二天就去供应商的工厂上班的担忧、第一次和老板一同被供应商请客的疑虑、经验浅薄却得和供应商的不同部门打交道的恐惧、太多技术名词不明白,却害怕连太基本的都问显得很愚蠢的挣扎、有效期为三个月的白卡被没收,以致在新加坡逗留期有限,仍需频繁来回马新的无奈、第一次收到老板手机短讯时的压迫、一件事情同时交代两个老板的辛苦、在供应商工厂上班一个月,回到自己的公司却反而不适应的陌生、第一次出席team meeting的浮躁、晚上或周末仍打开电脑回复电邮的惦记、每次接受新任务都伴随着炸弹地雷的奇运、被繁琐的工作强奸的认命。。。林林总总,难以尽述。

但你别误会,我是在描述,而不是在投诉。实际上除了偶尔和朋友倾诉之外,我并没有认真抱怨过,因为每份工都有难做之处,亚洲的工作很少压力不大的。从一开始我就拿着我那本笔记本,不断记录和学习,学会了很多知识、认识了很多灰色地带、看透了很多现象、掌握了很多技巧。最重要的是,因为工作上接触到形形色色的人,让我明白到不同部门之间的运作方式,更学习到和不同类型的同事相处的方式。

对于工作不同的要求,我已逐渐得心应手,而我也不再为别人偶尔的无聊、无理、无心、无情而感到无力。只要做好自己的本分,我宠辱无惊,反正任务从来就是做不完的。于是我慢慢清楚什么是工作,也逐渐明白攀爬梯级需要什么本领,只是在修了职场博弈一年的学分后,我却在人生的岔路上更加迷惑。

原来,工作是什么和我是什么,关系并没有想象中密切。失梦青年的心境是:無力博弈,無欲挽弓,斗志全消,玩世不恭。是领悟?还是糊涂?思绪的拉锯战仍会继续,我需要更多的体会来决定,所以,出走,是唯一的可能,也是必经的途径。

地铁老中青少

如果你在地铁里遇到这样一个情景:列车到站了,车门自动地开了,一个孱弱的老人辛苦地举着脚步挤了进来,慢慢地走到边厢,打望着原本预留给老弱人士的座位,却没有人关注,只好无奈地伸出瘦骨,搭上钢柱……你会怎么想?如果你是他,你会否开口叫人让位?那两个位置上,一个坐着少年,一个坐着中年人。少年在昏睡,并没有因列车的变速而醒来;而中年人原本在看报,但人潮的变动让他稍微伸了伸颈,环顾了四周一回,又迅速地把视线移回报章。如果这时你就站在旁边,你会怎么做?老人的肢体随着列车的加速而微微地摇晃,花了几秒才勉强站稳,靠得是那只看起来弱不禁风的手臂。我想开口叫中年人拿掉那该死的报纸,站起来让位,但又担心他不堪冒犯,万一碰钉反而让老人难堪。如果你是我,你会否开口叫人让位?正在思量间,列车开到我要下车的站,我矛盾地准备走出列车,却见那该死的报纸也跟着起来了,原来中年人也是在那一站下。于是那双瘦弱的脚终于可以休息了,但我的思绪却越来越多。

老年人无力,是天命;少年人无知,是常情;中年人无情,是什么??

当我们要让位给老人时,有些老人都未必肯领情。我们究竟凭什么连风烛残年的乐龄人士的尊严都要折磨?

Monday, August 24, 2009

One on One

When he comes out with "One Malaysia" such a phenomenal inspiration and proudly presents to people through majestic media, I wonder does he ever come across this quote "The safety of the people shall be the highest law" by Cicero.

Most likely he does, he is at such a fantastic position with vast exposures and abundant resources, I believe he does. Most politicians are smarter than us. They know what is good and what is bad for the people. They know what is the right thing to do for us. The question is not about whether do they know or not, it is about whether will they do it or not. What is right for the people may not be what is right for the party or the personnel, sad to say. Conflict of interests. Many winning sides but only one losing side.

It is simply amazing when you compare with what "One Singapore" is about. So which country is poorer now?

http://www.standup.sg/

當過客在找尋歸宿

我們是否都在找尋生命的歸宿,一個永久不變的歸宿?讓自己在川流的人海里無論如何漂浮,仍舊有所依歸;讓自己在變幻的航海中無論驕陽暴雨,仍舊指向前方。這個它,會是人、事、物?還是一個長期不變的東西?當我們在不斷躊躇,人事在變化,事物在更迭,空間在改換,時間在流轉,唯一不變的就是變。呱呱而落,空空而走,人生真的有最后的歸宿嗎?長眠地下也許是一個,如果你選擇土葬的話;升上天堂也許是另一個,如果你相信耶穌的話。當我們太專注于找尋歸宿,會否反而在每一個階段都成了過客,走過了卻不留痕?歲月催人變,沒有人能和時間拉扯,越害怕失去“不變”,越會失去其他珍貴。每一刻都活在當下,沒有了歸宿的找尋,卻成為了自己的主人。人生,本來就是旅程,處處是驛站,天天有精彩。

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Homework

Soon I will deviate from the normal path and prepare to take on whatever uncertainties that lay ahead. Deep down my heart, there are always anxieties and doubts, but this time I will not surrender myself to my biggest weakness: cowardice. Avoidance to make important decisions for previous life crossroads hasn't brought me any devastating disaster yet, but luck may one day elude me. And so I cannot continue the habit. Eagerly anticipating the moment to set the sail, charge into unknown sea and chart my own territory. Few more months ahead.

Aside from all the greater greed and goods, I have other causes to take care of. Hopefully, within a year, I can greatly improve both of my languages. This homework, is a life-long homework; but I will intensify my efforts in the coming year.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

日日新、日日积

路还很长,有时高昂地疾跑,有时愁静地慢活,如钟摆不停地摇晃,时快时慢。就算路途漫长崎岖,纵使理想遥远虚渺,无论心情是好是坏,仍坚持活在当下,不放纵自己沉溺在哀叹、懊悔、感慨、惆怅、寂寞等凄美的幻境。好好把握时间,阳光下勤学,月光下静思,就算起跑落后仍坚持追赶,就算进度缓慢仍耐心累积,就这样吧,就这样子找寻着明天的理想。

Friday, August 21, 2009

平等与同情

人生来就不平等,贫富悬殊,环境各异,天赋不同,为什么我们要追求平等呢?有的人含着金钥匙出生,自小享尽福;而有的人一出生就陷入贫苦圈,拼搏一世,可能都享不到富家子的福气,要他们乐观地相信平等,是否在说梦话呢?不同的天赋,未必能在统一刻板的考试制度里展现,但在压迫的现代科举社会里,读到书就从此平步青云,读不好书就从此放牛,我们是否还能自欺欺人地宣扬平等的信念?

从这个角度想平等,我确实追求不下去,反倒觉得同情心、同理心、恻隐之心更值得追求。如何用平等去谴责拿着高薪的“精英”?他们可用花了多少精神、用了多少金钱、爬了多少梯级、跨过多少门槛来合理化他们的所得。而这些全都是难以衡量的,又如何比较出一个平等来?如何用平等来声援陷入困境的平民?无数个猜忌的理由可以用来狙击,譬如说他从小不好好学习导致被社会枷锁牢牢套住,又或者他不善理财乱花乱用结果沦为贫困,然后你就会觉得他们都是自甘堕落,又为什么需要平等地对待他们?但如果从同情心出发,一切视野将会不同,你会乐意给予别人机会向上向善,无论是什么原因导致他面临现在的苦境。这也是为什么罪犯应该被给予改过自新的机会,否则统统拿去砍手断臂枪毙死刑就好了。如果一切讲究平等,那要如何回答随机发生,无平等不平等之分的的灾祸带给人的灾难和之后一系列生活的不平等?你会赞同印尼被海啸袭击是排华的因果报应吗?如果你赞同,那汶川地震,八八水灾等的罹难者又是承受什么报应来的?前世?

因而,追求同情心应该高于追求平等。但我后来又仔细想想,上述所追求的平等,是哪方面的平等?是努力与遭遇的平等。不懂是不是受“一份耕耘,一分收获”的传统熏陶所影响,我们总是希望付出多少努力就应该获得多少回报,更渴望所获得的一切成就都是应得的,是辛勤努力的结晶,尽管我们都知道幸运女神是不讲平等的。如何衡量努力与回报的对等?最简单就是拿别人来做比较。你念一小时,我念十小时,而考出来你比我好,我就唉叹这世上真是不公平。考得好不好,有很多因素影响,但或许我们懒得思考,也无能力把所有因素纳进来分析,所以就用最直觉又最容易的东西(在这个例子里是时间)来比较。仔细想想是完全不通的,但我们却很喜欢这样去比较,因为我们太渴望努力和回报是对等的。

这种渴望,或许会造成心理误区,因为一旦我们被运气所眷顾,得到了超乎想象的结果,为了不想感觉自己不应得,就会重塑记忆去合理化。我拿自己来做例子,2003年大学预科拿了4个A,到了2005年时就逐渐认为这4个A完全是我应得的,因为我曾辛勤付出过,连休息的时间都待在班上学习。直到我和同学聊起,同学说当时感觉我就是混帐,不怎么用工就能考出这样的成绩,我才开始重拾回一些旁落的记忆,其实我也有很多时间在玩耍,在班上胡闹,回家玩电玩。原来,我只记住我如何如何辛勤,以合理化我得到的成绩,以致我逐渐模糊辛勤反面的记忆。但是如果那时考出来的成绩很差,那我或许就会加强我玩耍的记忆来合理化我的困境。想起来也觉得有趣,或许我们的脑袋对不确定因素有恐惧,所以想剔除运气这因素来合理化所处的境况,无论是优是劣。

从讲究努力与遭遇的平等,就可以延伸出对贫富悬殊,社会地位过于不平等等问题的讨论。这些,我就暂时搁置一旁了。回到文章主题,我们追求的平等,还会是缥缈的努力与遭遇的平等吗?不是了,而是其他方面的平等。什么方面的平等呢?一个人与另一个人,与整个世界的人,有什么东西应该是平等的?所有人类基本的权利!如言论自由、信仰宗教自由、选举权、财产权、受教育的机会等。一个人,不应该因为他的民族、性别、国籍还是其他差异,而失去这些基本权利。而保障这些权利的,就是法律,所以才会有法律面前、人人平等的观念,所以为什么未经审判就可以凭当权者或其他掌控诠释权的人去囚禁人的国家内安法令(ISA)是鸟法。

如果从这个角度看,就能明白为什么国外许多大学给予如此多和丰厚的奖学金来帮助优秀的清寒贫困子弟来入学,因为人人都应该有平等受教育的机会。或许说人人这个太理想了一点,但至少援助优秀的贫困学生还是无可争议的,避免了他们因为出世环境的不平等而失去了受教育和展露才华的机会。如果你从努力和遭遇的平等来看,就未必能得出同样结果了。你可能比最贫困的学生富裕一点,但却不能用多十倍的时间和努力来换取全免的学费,你的努力和遭遇根本对等不了。

谈到平等受教育的机会,就很难不提自己小国的种族固打制这个畸形的怪物。不看你多优秀,而看你生出来是什么种族,按种族比例来定额根本就违反了基本权利。如果贫困的大多数是马来人,要让他们多受教育,那应该不分种族地推行帮助贫困的学生,而不是通过牺牲其他种族的优秀人才来扩大马来学生的比例。什么鬼制度,还搞到可以被政党不断利用来邀功,抢了我的黄金施舍回一些碎银给我还要我感恩,真是荒谬。

不分种族宗教性别国籍等差异而设立出来的这些平等,再深入想一想,其实也是基于对人的同情心和基本尊严的尊重,难怪叔本华会认为同情心是一切道德的来源。追求同情心,所以追求平等;至于在其他难以用平等来衡量的方面,还是回归追求同情心吧,尤其在这个极度讲究用法律来维持社会一切方面(包括孝顺)的小红点,不然只会有越来越多贫穷到沦落街头还要因为没有证件被法庭罚钱囚禁的现代悲剧。(http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking+News/Singapore/Story/STIStory_418240.html)

【纯粹杂念,未经严谨的逻辑推演。。。】

Monday, August 17, 2009

自嘲与他讽

要是我说自己很幽默,那真是天大的幽默,定能让朋友捧腹大笑,因为我更像是说教的八股佬,与诙谐丝毫沾不上边。幽默这个鬼东西,曾让我苦恼了很久,仿佛怎么学也学不来,请教霆辉,他就说了句鬼话:“幽默,是看心境的。”那时候听了真得让我哭笑不得,你自己逍遥尘世外就好了,用不着这样忽悠我这个凡夫吧。

直到后来,我才发觉那句话,真的是鬼话。当不同的人接触多了,不同的玩笑见识多了,沟通的技巧进步了,与人交流的自信建立了,尽管还是与幽默沾不上边,却慢慢觉得自己比较能说笑了。再想回那句话,更有体会。

幽默,是看心境的。什么样的心境呢?我觉得有两种。第一种是有自信时。据说幽默这词是林语堂大师从英文Humour翻译过来的(忘了在哪里翻到,有空才去查证),译得可真妙。在他的其中一篇散文里提到英国大文豪萧伯纳到访上海,正值那天难得有太阳,大家就说:“萧翁真幸运,有福气在上海看到太阳,近来都乌云密布呢。”你猜一下萧翁怎么回答?他冷酷地说:“是太阳有福气呢,能在上海见到我。”真让人哭笑不得。反讽是幽默的体现,而不少大师让人拍手称绝的幽默都是绝妙的反讽,试问一个自卑或没有自信的人怎么去反讽呢?

至于这样的困扰,你经历过吗?就是在很多人或一些人面前总是幽默不起来,但和自己最亲近的、最熟悉的、最信赖的亲朋面前,却能无拘地谈笑风生。谁说你不幽默呢?不过那个场合让你不自在、不舒服、不能展现自我而已,只要在能让你有自信的环境氛围下,你登时就能活跃起来。

第二种心境就是逍遥洒脱。不少凡夫俗子市井小民,对自己的身份、地位、能力并不自信,但也并不耿耿于怀放在心上,做一天和尚敲一天钟,对生活没有太大的奢求,反而让他们的言谈很幽默,无论是对生活苦难的自嘲,对社会乱像的投诉,还是对周遭烂泥的挖苦,听来都觉很诙谐。

人不在这两种心境时,应该很难幽默起来吧。人没有这两种心境,或许也学不到幽默吧。自嘲是一种幽默,但不是所有自嘲都是幽默,有些不过是为了沽名聚焦。如何辨别呢?如果一个人经常自嘲,但却不能接受他人讽刺的,就是纯粹为了吸引注意力,因为他实际上并不拥有这两种心境,不过借预设好的自嘲博君一笑而已。遇到这样的情况,应酬一下,笑笑就好,哈哈。那些能把别人的讽刺冷箭,反射回去或化为自嘲的,才是高招。

所以大家别以为我幽默,我最爱就是高谈阔论。(应酬笑一下,好吗?)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

大馬華教紀念館

小鎮夫妻打造華教紀念館 

大馬小鎮夫婦蘇啟慧和黃亞花,以一己之力打造集紀念館、資料館、文物館及圖書館於一處的華文教育歷史展示中心,展現大馬最重要華教領袖林連玉、沈慕羽及陸庭諭的史跡及文物,為全球華人留下珍貴史料。

詳文見【亞洲周刊】

兴趣最重要

小时候很讨厌学英文,因为父母和其他长辈总是说,不学好英文将来在社会难以谋生。尽管这些话都是苦口良心,但听来总是逆耳,不为什么,就是觉得为了生计去学英文很没骨气。再加上学校从小就教枯燥乏味复杂难懂的语法,直接把点燃兴趣的最后一个希望给灭掉。每当学校放假时,父母都想让我去上额外的英文补习班,想来他们应该很为我的英文水平而操心,但搞不懂我哪里来的倔强,硬是辩说没有兴趣学,学了也是白学;等到我有兴趣学,我自然会去学。

这个等字,一等就是好几年,从小学到初中,我从来没有把学习英文放在心上,英文越差就越想证明靠华文强我还是可以读下去,而我尤其瞧不起邻家那些家庭环境培养出来满口洋腔的小孩,怎么华文那么烂啊?或许遇上他们是我的不幸,不巧地加深了我认为华文英文不能兼修,取一就得舍一的偏见。

时光就这样悠转,直到我有了电脑,开始接触到电脑游戏如星海争霸,帝国时代等,因为游戏很好玩,被其故事所吸引,才觉得英文原来挺有意思。兴趣,终于等到了!想不到我正式开始学英文,竟是从电脑游戏剧情里的英文着手。自此,情况就好转起来。中四时遇到好老师Mr.Lai(可惜他英年早逝), 中六时精英同学大都转校,我这个廖化居然在班上的英文课得到老师的认同,开始建立起信心,因而更有兴趣学习英文。

无奈基础太弱,来新之前的英文其实还是很糟糕,认识和能用的词汇不多,到十七岁,才知道用了十多年的,是brain;到二十岁,才知道抱了十多年的,叫boulster,不可谓不丢脸,但兴趣的火苗既然已在心中燃起来了,要进步就不是件难事了。

到大学的第二年,偶然地认识到,原来英文那么多没有逻辑的不规则用法,字母和真正发音的不规律系统,和那些无谓庞大的词库,背后有其动人的一系列演变,一段段蜿蜒的历史。当我知道她从盎格鲁撒克逊语源起,历经拉丁语和法语漫长的洗礼,再回到莎翁等人的艺术改造,我才乐于接受她浩瀚的词库。至此,我完全抛弃所有对英文的偏见,因为她不是轻佻的、浅薄的、粗燥的、无味的。兴趣,又升级了!

而最近,我接触到字根词源(root),明白到英文辞海里大多词是从希腊和拉丁的字根里演变出来的。汉语有造字六法,而英文也是从主要的字根里循规则造出来的,惊叹人类造字竟是异曲同工。兴趣,再升级!掌握繁多的词汇,变得轻松许多;学习语言的乐趣,逐渐加强;发现不同语言之间的
相同或不同之处,带来处处惊喜;再参照许多从西方引起日本,从日本引起中国的现代汉语词汇,去思考中文西化的优劣,更让我沉浸于通过学习不同语言背后的文化,来构建一条条互通的桥梁,画出更清晰的图景。

譬如,为什么根类植物叫radish,而灭除叫eradicate,如果你知道radi在拉丁语里代表根,e代表出去,就能轻而易举地明白灭除是从除根之义延伸出来,而我们,不也有“斩草除根”的成语吗?神奇神奇。

又如为什么房贷叫mortgage?Mortgage和Mortuary(停尸间)有什么联系?其实都是从Mortis延伸出来的,去查下罗马的死神叫什么吧。 房贷抵押的词源,就是源自以前封建时代,长子继承家族的一切的传统,以长子的身份作为保证和抵押,因为老爸死了财产就归他的。真无良,封建时代,到处都一样。

我手头上有几本字根的书,但就只是工具书,功利性很强,读下来丝毫没有发现的乐趣。于是我逐个词逐个词自己慢慢去寻根,往往能有意外惊喜,不亦乐乎。语言,原来就是一部简史,隐藏着一段段可歌可泣的历史。尽管时代在迅速地改变,但有些基点是不会变的,怎么去感受和认识这世界最基本的元素,始终如一,这一些都可以在语言里找到。而每一个时代不同的变迁,每一个时代所创造的特殊物品和精神,也通过相对应被创造的词汇,展现了出来。多么有趣呢!如果这些东西没有趣,那俗世平日庸碌的打拼最有趣!

人不应只懂如何生存,更应懂怎么生活。“工具论”,贻误我多少青春?学好英文,就能与世界接轨?只通过知道那肤浅的表面,笑话!如果当初启蒙的英文教师们,哪怕只要有一个,能让我明白英文复杂背后的动人故事,浅谈各种历史文化社会变迁,我想我对中华文明的幼稚偏执将会更早烟消云散,而不用走了一大圈才发觉自己的无知,落后了几光年。

当然不是每个人长大后都仍会对这些东西感兴趣,但在年少对任何事物都特别好奇时,如果获得适当的启蒙,我想对日后应该裨益良多,偏执不会那么深,误入的歧途也不会那么多。毕竟,把一门语言当作工具来学,是多么亵渎地她,也为多少英语非母语的人(尤其是亚洲人)带来噩梦?我不认同若连自己的文化都了解不深,就没有空间学习另外一种文化的说法。任何封闭的文化,都将走向消亡。有了外国的月亮,才能互相参照、比较、吸收和融汇。

Time and Words

What do time and words have in common? It may seem absurd to link them, but I personally think that they share two important characteristics.

One is that both of them are fair. There aren't too many things in this world fair. Time, for one, is fair to everyone, be them the haves or the have nots, be them the smart ones or the dull ones, be them the young guns or the old folks, all of us is entitled 24 hours per day indiscriminately, no more or no less. The only difference is how do we use it. Words, on the other hand, is also fair to everyone, all of us is free to create it to exert our freedom of speech and express ourselves. While authority have their powerful propaganda machine to disseminate official news, common people like us also have different ways to voice out our dissent and disobedience, often by using humorous metaphor. Not to mention that foundation of modern justice is based on laws - a complex vortex of words. Although the barrier to learn, improve and master a language do exist, but it is one of the easiest barrier to overcome, with efforts purely is enough, unless unfortunately you are born with dyslexia or similar symptom. Gratefully, most of us do not suffer from this, so words is still fair to most of us.

The second common trait that they share is their revealing power. As the famous Latin saying goes, TEMPUS OMNIA REVELAT, which means time reveals all things. Nothing can be hidden forever and time is the most powerful arbiter, ideally. (The world is nonetheless imperfect and hence I have to put in this extra word cautiously, but having said so, I do have faith in this principle, in most of the aspects. I just don't want to be too disheartened if this principle want to play hide and seek sometimes). Words, similarly, can reveal most of the masks, various kind of masks. From the classic Aesop fables, "fine clothes may disguise, but silly words will disclose a fool", tell us much about it. Lie will not last but truth will be uncovered, ideally also. (White lie is not a lie, and some lies are necessary to survive.) To be a perfect liar, you need to have perfect memory, and luckily most of us are not granted this super ability.

Both time and words seem like a twin of natural sage, unconditionally guiding us towards a better path. Do you appreciate them?

P/S: Popping out from my mind after writing paragraphs above, the third commonality is that both heal our souls. Is it equally important as the former both traits? I am too lazy to think now.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

RSS

既然提到了RSS(Really Simple Syndication),就顺便解释一下,我想还有一些人不知道这个如此厉害的网络技术。简单的来说,这项技术提供的便利,就像是送报纸的,每日准时把报纸送到你门口,而不需要你亲自出门去买。只要用阅读器(Reader)订阅了那个网站的RSS,每一次启动阅读器,你就会自动收到那个网站最新的更新文章或讯息,这样你就可以省下去每个网站查看的麻烦。如果你只有一个网站要留意,那就无所谓了,但要是你有一百个网站要游览,用RSS就可省却很多麻烦和节省很多时间了。

我一直以来都在用Google Reader,蛮不错的,但苦于不能分类收藏不同网站的文章,一直在找有这个功能的阅读器,后来试用Bloglines,才发觉它的剪贴功能(clipping service)正是我想要的。平心而言,除了缺少这个剪贴功能以外,其他方面Google Reader都比Bloglines好,但这个功能却正好是我最需要的,看来世上真的没有完美的东西,只好麻烦一点,用两个阅读器了。

[后记@2009-08-21:发现Google Reader可以再加Tag来分类收藏,于是又把Bloglines的RSS换回去用Google Reader订阅,绕了一大圈,才发觉原来之前的原来错了。]

Since I have mentioned about RSS (Really Simple Syndication), let me continue to further explain its function, as some may still haven't heard of it. To put it simply, it's like a free newspaper delivery service that automatically delivers the newest updates, be it news or blog articles, from the sites that you wish to follow, once you have subscribed to their RSS through a reader. The simple and yet powerful tool really reduces redundancy to frequently check websites for updates and save up a lot of time. Imagine you have hundreds of websites to follow and you do not have this service. What a pain in the ass!

I have been using Google Reader and find it very user-friendly, except for the lacking of customized articles classification which I need the most to collect and categorize articles from different sites. Until I try using Bloglines then I realize its clipping service is exactly what I seek for so long. IMHO, besides this, Google Reader is more superior than Bloglines. Perhaps it's true that nothing can be best at everything, and without choice, I have to use both together.

[P/S @ 2009-08-21: Having discovered that I can add tags to further classify articles, I re-subscribe all RSS with Google Reader and now I only use one reader. So there actually can be thing that works best for everything.]

精神囚犯

越来越不能自拔,成日沉溺在疯狂的知识吸取,仿佛在之前的懵懂时期失去了过多的精神水源,严重缺水,现在饥渴得很,拼命在补充。我的Bloglines和Google Reader订阅的RSS以指数增加(increase exponentially),收得我都快要疯了,都不晓得有没有时间全读。但我仍在继续收,仍在继续做这种对工作、升职、加薪没有丝毫帮助的行为,我想我真是没用。通常我对某样事物的狂热周期维持在一星期左右,希望下星期我会找到另一样东西去疯,但我想我很快又会回到来这里疯。知道的越多,不知道的就更多,我中了知识的魔咒,如一个许久没吃没喝的穷汉那样渴望,如一个被囚禁在监牢里十年的囚犯被释放那样享受,哇……完了完了,我就快疯了。

珍惜生命,停止学习!

活着,感受着

雨慢慢,风缓缓,悠悠地在街上晃,思绪懒懒。看罗里载外劳,看老翁推小车,看行人各自的注视,我在想什么呢?什么都没在想。听雨声滴答,听手表滴答,听脚步滴答,我在想什么呢?什么都没在想。这样悠缓清宁的天气,确实什么也不该想,偶尔的脚步阑珊,反而扰了无拘的慵散。

Thursday, August 13, 2009

How do you keep internet bookmarks?

For netizens who can't live without internet for at most 24 hours and google everything online, of which most of us are, it is always painful to organize the ever-growing bookmarks of sites that we want to keep, or it will be more painful and time-wasting to scroll down long array of links.

This becomes more troublesome when you are going to change default browser or computer, where it involves export and import of bookmarks, sometimes it may just turn messy and you would have to drag and drag and drag again...

I had wondered if I could classifying these links in a web blog but then it seems stupid if that blog couldn't be accessed when I need to. Then I thought of using a separate document to keep these links and upload the document to internet or store in my pen drive.

So, after a while, I start using Excel spreadsheet to help me keep the huge list instead. Though it is less convenient than using browser's bookmarks, it is more customized, effective and accessible in any browser or computer, as long as I am connected. [Do I still need internet bookmarks if I am not connected? :)]

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